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Tag Archives: personal
Mama’s Chair
I did a thing today. It wasn’t a biggie—well, maybe it was—for me. I have mixed feelings about it. This morning, I decided to post my mother’s power lift recliner on Nextdoor’s website. Within a couple of hours, it sold.
That was Mama’s chair.
We always covered her chair to prevent stains from food or drinks. It still looked new. It’s where Mama sat all day, getting up to use the restroom and back. This chair was perfect for her, comfortable in every way. She had a hand-held mirror and combed her hair every day while sitting there. She’d put her lipstick on and do her eyebrows in that chair. She told stories and greeted family members. She also welcomed guests and the many medical personnel who tended to her while she sat in that chair. Sometimes for hours, she scrolled through her phone. She watched her favorite cooking or cute animal videos in that chair.
She laughed in that chair.
She watched her TV shows, ate her meals, and enjoyed her cafesito sitting there.
She cried in that chair.
That chair was her dining room, her office … and even her bed.
I would have held onto her chair for the memories … but I feared I would have become a hoarder instead. I knew I had to let go. I prayed and believed there was someone else out there who would benefit from using this chair. They would gain some comfort and support.
The buyer came and took the chair. Another hole in my heart …
I still see Mama on that chair.
Filed under bittersweet memories
On Bended Knees and Hearts
Sept 23, 1968: It is a day of celebration. We are with our beloved maternal grandma. The little girl (me) happily stands near her beautiful baby sister, who carries an infectious smile. We are celebrating my sister’s second birthday.
Oct. 22, 1968: One month later, it is a day of mourning. We are devastated and heartbroken about the precious life taken much too soon by a hit-and-run driver. With her sister gone, the little girl feels lonelier than ever before. Mama felt lost and never the same.
Current Year 2023: Mama changed addresses this past Mother’s Day at 3 p.m.. In August, we took some of Mama’s remains and placed them near her daughter, my baby sister. Both are with their Savior now and no longer are suffering. We shall see our loved ones again one day. For now, we are left with their memories and the ‘should-of, could-of, would-of.’
Ecclesiastes 12:7
“Then the dust will return to the earth as it was,
And the spirit will return to God who gave it.”
John 14:1-4
“Let not your heart be troubled;
you believe in God, believe also in Me.
In My Father’s house are many mansions;
if it were not so, I would have told you.
I go to prepare a place for you.
And if I go and prepare a place for you,
I will come again and receive you to Myself;
that where I am, there you may be also.
And where I go you know, and the way you know.”
Running in Heels: A Memoir of Grit and Grace by Mary A. Pérez
Filed under Life & Death
Daddy’s 90th B/day Celebration/Family Reunion/ Florida Vacation
Some of you know we had to say goodbye to my 88-year-old mama, a little over three months ago. Her memory continues to linger. She was loved beyond words. Missed beyond measure. At times, whenever I enter her room, sadness still floods my soul. I’ve given my grief over to the Lord time and time again, and every day I am strengthened. We did our best to care for Mama during the few years she lived with us. When she went through major surgery, we sought outside professional help.
If you have read my memoir, you know my parents divorced when I was very young. Daddy still lives in Florida with my stepmother. Since their marriage, my dear sister has taken excellent care of them both. I was anxious about visiting Daddy this year for his 90th birthday. Needless to say, it was important to me that I be there.
The day finally arrived when we flew to Orlando for Daddy’s milestone birthday party. However, due to illnesses, etc., this big event almost didn’t happen. I am so thankful the special day came to fruition. We were there to help celebrate this grand occasion.
We enjoyed spending precious time with Daddy, Mama Gloria, siblings, aunts, uncles, and several cousins. Fourteen of us stayed overnight at a lovely 2-story Airbnb. My sister had reserved it, providing more than ample room with a swimming pool. More family members arrived the next day to celebrate Daddy’s birthday bash. We gathered around and ate to our heart’s content. The catered meal included Puerto Rican and Cuban dishes. The dishes were pernil (roasted pork roast) and arroz con gandules (yellow rice and pigeon peas). They also included Congri (Cuban rice mixed with black beans). We had maduros (sweet plantains) and Cuban-style yuca with garlic mojo. Photos were taken with the birthday boy, with cake and balloons.
Mornings consisted of indulging in delicious home-cooked breakfasts with café con leche. We exchanged stories, laughter, great conversations, singing, and prayers. Wonderful memories were made to last a lifetime. Daddy’s party was a wonderful event.
After our stay in the Airbnb, we continued with our vacation plans. We attended a dinner and tournament show at the Medieval Times Dinner Theater in Orlando. The entertainment was fantastic with beautiful horses, jousting, and cool sword fighting. During the performance, a tasty four-course meal was served. You had to eat with your hands, just like in medieval times. Other outings that week included a one-hour ride at Wild Willy’s Airboat Tour through Florida’s Everglades. We experienced some of Florida’s wildlife. We saw blue herons. There were also gators and their nests. We spotted small, beautiful, orange-looking birds. We even saw a bald eagle! One evening, we visited Old Town in Kissimmee with our cousins. We enjoyed a 30-year-old tradition of classic hot rods and muscle cars in a parade. On another day, the chances of rain did not stop us. We headed towards the lovely Anna Maria Beach. It has warm, clear turquoise water and white sand. The scenery did not disappoint. This was a little bit of heaven for me. It was hard to leave! Finally, we stopped and visited my stepson in Tampa. Surprisingly, he treated us to his mouth-watering specialty: reverse-seared ribeyes, and tomahawk steaks!
Looking back now, I am thankful for all that transpired during our week in Florida. My main takeaway: Daddy remembered me. He remembered all of us. He was present, engaging, and loving. He even said a prayer over us. It felt good to feel his love while hugging him tightly. It was special to see my nieces and nephew and see how they have grown. I reconnected with some cousins whom I hadn’t seen in a minute. It was nice to get to know them.
Remember: family time is essential. Embrace all that God has blessed you with; weed out the pettiness and all that is cumbersome. Life is short and fleeting. You blink and you miss a moment. Count your blessings and focus on the bigger picture on this side of heaven called life’s journeys. It is a gift.
(I especially want to thank Titi Sonia and Tio Manny for graciously putting us up in their lovely home.)
Please enjoy some photos taken of our vacation week.
Filed under Daddy's 90th, Florida vacation
Full Circle
“Grief is like the ocean; it comes in waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.” Vicki Harrison
She was weak, frail, with no appetite. I prayed that Mama would make it to Mother’s Day. She did and left us at 3 pm on that very day! I believe she truly received the best gift possible. She no longer has any pain or discomfort. She doesn’t have to worry about anything or anyone else.
I had told her that I would, and I did. Three months had passed. With my immediate family, I took some of Mama’s remains to bury. We placed them alongside her parents, my grandparents. We also buried her next to my baby sister. She was tragically struck down by a hit-and-run driver at the tender age of two, some 55 years ago.
Everyone expresses life and death differently. What we did was another way to honor Mama and her memory. I know that Mama is in heaven, and not in a shallow grave. You see, doing this was more about healing for us. We are at peace knowing we did something to honor her life. Through it all—and there were many bumps in the road—Mama was loved, and she is now with her Savior. In the end: Love. Won!
"Let not your heart be troubled; you believe in God, believe also in Me. In My Father’s house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself; that where I am, there you may be also. And where I go you know, and the way you know.” John 14:1-4
Here is a snapshot of what this looked like:
Click “Running in Heels: A Memoir of Grit and Grace” by Mary A. Pérez
to purchase through Amazon
Celebrating Mama’s Life. . .
featuring artists: Evan Craft, Danny Gokey, Redimi2 – “Be Alright”
Tercer Cielo – “Yo Te Extrañare”
Boyz II Men – “A Song for Mama”
Elvis Presley – “Take My Hand, Precious Lord”
Josh Groban – “You Raise Me Up”
Mercy Me – “I Can Only Imagine”
I had to say goodbye to Mama.
On Mother’s Day.
The Lord called her home at 3 pm.
In my heart of hearts, I believe she received the best Mother’s Day gift ever. There is no more pain and no more suffering. Now she rejoices with her Savior. She joins all the loved ones who have gone on before her. As Christians, that’s our Blessed Hope! And I will see her again.
It’s true: “We cannot think our way out of grief. We must feel our way out of grief.”
So when I said goodbye to Mama, the sadness of losing her hit me deeply. It snatched my breath away. I felt a pain rip through my chest. This grief is heavy, and if it didn’t come in waves, I’d be consumed. A mother-daughter relationship is complex, and lines of communication can be challenging. We worked on doing better as time went by. And in the end, when she couldn’t speak, she’d gaze upon me, and her loving eyes spoke volumes. She fought the good fight! Her last breath on earth became her first breath in heaven.
So Mama, I want to express again: Thank you for praying for me when words escaped you.
Because of you, I found the strength I never knew I had; I learned to be resilient.
Because of you, I have found that when I can’t, God can! And He has. And He continues to do so.
I want to thank you for giving me life, although the journey was anything but easy.
I’m grateful that because of you, this caterpillar turned into a butterfly. In the strength of the Lord, I learned to spread my wings over circumstances. I spread my wings over difficulties and over the struggles of life.
One thing I know—and have always known—is that you loved me, and I loved you. Just the way you described me, Mama, I will always be your little girl.
Farewell for now.
Your heart still beats. It beats within me.
Love won.
And. You. Were. Loved.
Click here >>> On Borrowed Time <<< Click here
~ My blog on 10/2022 ~
Filed under Mama's Celebration of Life, Mother's Day
Because Of You
“¿Por que tu lloras?” He asked. “Why do you cry?”
How can I not?! I am in my daddy’s arms!
Daddy, I cried because you were alert and present; you recognized me! Thank God that you did! I cried as I studied your charming face, watching the familiar spark dancing in your eyes. I cried in hearing the mirth in your voice close to my ears again. I cried as you embraced me in your arms, lovingly and tightly, just like when I was a little girl.
As I gaze upon you, I notice the years travel like a roadmap across your sweet face. I observe the twinkle in your eyes growing dim. Discomfort and pain take over. Your voice of mirth soon sounded a bit weaker. I feel your grip growing feeble. I noticed your hands are soft, no longer solid and callous from work. Sadness pierces my heart. Yet, time stood still. I am blessed, just by being in your arms again.
Daddy, I love you. So many years have passed. Oh, how I have missed you! I shall hold onto the memories and bring them back home with me, and shall cherish them forever!
I. Cried. Because. Of. You.
Click here to read an excerpt from Author Mary A. Pérez’s,
“Running in Heels: A Memoir of Grit and Grace”
https://maryaperez.com/2017/06/16/best-daddy-ever-my-hero-2/
Filed under Dementia in Family
On Borrowed Time
How time flies.
We’ve been caring for Mama in our home for the past 3 years. After spending the holidays with us as she usually did, she never returned to her apartment. Hubby and I noticed how frail she had become. We both realized she would need more assistance. She had been getting less help when living on her own.
We do what we have to.
Our adult daughter, who also lives with us, is a tremendous help and caregiver for Mom, as well. My husband and I work full-time. Even with care providers checking in on Mom weekly, my daughter fills in the gap. She does more than expected.
Last year, after her doctor’s visit and blood work results, Mom’s doctor ordered that she be admitted to the hospital. Her blood pressure and blood count were dangerously low! During her four-night stay, she received two units of blood and an iron infusion. She returned home with her energy and appetite back! A year later, in August, it happened again – she was hospitalized and released. Soon after, I got a medical POA. The episode occurred again a month later. Thankfully, Mom agreed this time to have an endoscopy procedure instead of coming home.
She had a mass in her stomach.
The dreaded cancer.
We cried, reminisced, and prayed.
Dr. Solomon would be Mom’s surgeon. We prayed nonstop for this physician and observed how he used wisdom in dealing with Mom’s delicate procedure beforehand. We placed our trust in him, knowing that the God we served–the Great Physician–was in control.
On the day of surgery, my husband and children joined me. As they wheeled her off to surgery, I saw flecks of fear swimming in her eyes. I hoped she found strength in mine, although my heart was heavy. You see, I became that little girl again. And I cried out to her, “Momma, come back to me!”
We waited in the waiting area for half a day. Her surgery was over. She was already in the Post-Opt room. The good news is that cancer did not seem to have spread to any other area in her body. However, they removed 80% of her stomach.
Mama remained in ICU for a couple of days and then moved to a private room. I stayed with her as much as possible. I spent the night with her often. I gave her my love and support every chance I got. We have always had a complex relationship. She and I have had challenges. But no matter what, she is still my mama. I will always be her little girl. ( To read more of my journey, click here… )
Today is Mama’s 88th birthday. Yesterday, Sunday, the family joined us to celebrate her life, surrounding her with our love and prayers. We wore matching T-shirts to honor her. I wanted her to feel our love and let her know how special she is. She is the matriarch of the family.
Today, Mom is being moved to Rehab for a few weeks for therapy and to become stronger. We continue to wait for the final pathology report. We trust the Lord will complete the work He has started in her. She is in His hands.
Life is fleeting. Let go of the petty things. Treasure your loved ones while they are still around.
I am comforted in knowing that when I am weak, my God is strong. His grace is sufficient for me! Thank you, Lord, that your mercies are new every morning. Thank you, Lord, for another day.
Filed under gastric surgery, Personal
This Thing Called Tears – Part II
Have your emotions ever run amuck? Without warning or preparation, it hits you between the eyes (or as in my case, the tear gland).
Allow me to share some recent experiences with you.
A friend of mine shared a music video with me. I turned it up to listen as I drove home. I was reminded of the goodness of the Lord. It wasn’t about me, it was all about Him. Suddenly, my heart was elated. I couldn’t help but rejoice in the God whom I serve! I was able to focus on the Lord in Who He is, and all He has done in my life. My spirit was lifted; my heart lightened. What a refreshing moment!
“The joy of the Lord is my strength.” (Nehemiah 8:10)
Well, last week was a bit rough for me in a technical sense. I am not very tech savvy. My internet was acting up. It affected my phone line and prevented me from doing my job satisfactorily. It was finally fixed, but not soon enough for my taste! The frustrations built from within, and I felt defeated. Once I left the office, the damn had burst. I cried. And prayed.
“You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle.” (Psalms 56:8)
The other day I arrived home from work. My husband told me to check out the progress of the repairs he’d been doing in the front room. I went in there, looked around, and yep, you guessed it, started crying! I was pleasantly surprised because, after so much construction mess, I could finally see the light. I saw how it was going to look once painted! My heart was filled with gratitude and thanksgiving. Yes, I had a moment! I stayed there a while. The funny thing is that I went to my husband. He looked at me and instantly grew concerned. He asked what was wrong and what had happened. My daughter also saw me and jumped up, thinking something had happened! But these were tears of joy … and it all sprung up and surprised me as well.
There’s a time and season for everything. In the good, praise God! In the bad when things are rough, praise God!
“A time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance” (Ecclesiastes 3:4).
© M.A. Perez 2022, All Rights Reserved
Please check out my first blog about tears: https://maryaperez.com/2013/10/17/this-thing-called-tears/
And who can forget this timeless song below by The Byrds?
Filed under emotions
He Completes Me
“I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine.”
He is the one for me. He is the man who has stuck by my side since day one as my loving confidant, helpmate, and best friend. He is the man who loves me, cherishes me, and tells me that I am beautiful. He loves me on my best days and he loves me on my worse days. He knows my past and has never belittled me or made me feel inadequate. He is faithful, a man true to his word. I can count on his constant love and remain secure in his arms. He praises me for my accomplishments and encourages me in my failures. When I’m happy, his warm laughter melts my heart. His gentle touch wipes away my tears when I’m sad or fearful.
I love you, my husband, and I am proud to be your wife. I am genuinely grateful to the Lord for bringing us together to share the remainder of our days. As we celebrate our twenty-eighth wedding anniversary, may our constant love nourish and sustain each other until the end of time.
You can read about him in Chapter 42 of my book: “Running in Heels: A Memoir of Grit and Grace“
Filed under Anniversary celebration, Marriage
From Heart to Heritage
Reflections From the Heart 