Memorial Day is a day for remembering and honoring military personnel who DIED in the service of their country, particularly those who died in battle or as a result of wounds sustained in battle.
All gave some – Some gave all.
Monthly Archives: May 2018
Mother’s Day is Everyday
My oldest daughter and I were asked to be a part of a workshop at our church speaking on adult daughters and their mother’s relationships. We made a list and examined our strengths as well as our weaknesses. I know from experience that mother-daughter relationships can be both complex and diverse.
There are many ups and downs, no matter how positive, or complicated, testing relationships. Psychologists say the daughters’ primary complaints are that mothers try to baby them by being overly critical and demanding. From the mom’s perspective, daughters don’t listen to them, make poor choices, and have zero time for them.
I do not find this teaching comfortable or an easy topic for me. There are many challenges in parenting and this thing called “motherhood” hit me between the eyes at an early age. My mom raised me pretty much as a single mom, as she never married after she and my dad split. She had common law relationships–I can think of three–and I was pretty much left on my own. So yeah, I was neglected and raised myself. Matter of fact, our roles were reversed and so I’ve always felt that my childhood was taken from me!
I left home early and married very young. Had my first child at the age of 17, and by the time I was 22, I had my 4th. Ironically enough, I did a lot of the same mistakes in parenting as my own mother. I wrote about my personal journey as a daughter, wife, and mother. You can say I was a real hot mess back then. In retrospect, I thank God that He rescued me from myself! Now that my children are adults – I can think of a lot of things that I did wrong and regret in my own role. But nothing worthwhile comes easy; at least it never did for me!
In every challenge, there are defeats and triumphs – and all of us have some scars along the way.
Lamentations 3:22-23: “It is of the Lord’s mercies that we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.”
I am familiar with the power struggles, the pet peeves, and the miscommunications.
What I see in my daughter(s), the good, the bad, and the ugly – I sometimes see a reflection of myself. Oh, those flaws! Clearly, I may not always like what I see … or hear. But you know what? We’re on the same team – we love each other, and we are there for one another.
Jer 31:16: Thus says the LORD, “Restrain your voice from weeping And your eyes from tears; For your work will be rewarded,” declares the LORD, “And they will return from the land of the enemy.”
I can’t stress how I prayed, interceded, and wept for my wayward child (children). But as a mother – that’s what we do! We don’t give up and we don’t let up until we have God’s peace. Know that it’ll be in His time frame, not necessarily ours. And when God does it, it’ll be a sure work. He leaves nothing undone.
HOW CAN WE BE STRONGER TOGETHER?
These are a few golden nuggets from my own firstborn’s perspective:
Everybody knows that TWO heads are better than ONE. In Girl Scouts and in the 4H Club, you’d learn that three strands of string make a strong rope. To play harmony on a piano, you’d play with two or more notes. And you know, you won’t find a giant redwood tree standing alone!
- Teaching by example, learning by experience, in values, and in skills – all help us become stronger together.
- Spending quality time with one another binds us stronger together as a family; i.e., meal times and outings.
- Appreciating each other – showing love and affection.
- Sharing a laugh builds us up – laughter is good medicine.
- Sharing responsibilities, and accomplishing tasks together.
- Stand by each other in times of trouble, uniting and pulling together when things get tough… when we encourage each other, we are stronger together.
Most important … when we learn to forgive each other, be open and honest, yet be kind, we become stronger. Remember: attack the problem, not each other.
We encourage each other, consult with each other, spend time with each other, and learn and grow from each other. No matter what the circumstances, despite feelings, perspectives, weaknesses, and “bumps” along the way, when we face life together, find God together, pray together … all of these acts and then some, we can get through it and be stronger together!
My daughter(s) and I have come a long way.
Ps 90:12 “So teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts to wisdom.”
Here are my acronyms for MOTHER & DAUGHTER:
M ake the first move
O mit malice
T hink before responding
H ave realistic expectations
E xtend grace
R epair damage quickly
D are to forgive offenses
A gree to disagree
U nity is better than division
G ather your words with prayer
H old unto hope
T alk about ways to communicate
E mbrace change for the better
R espect each other
If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.
Filed under Mother/Daughter, Relationships
Mother’s Day Tribute to the Women in my Family
Becoming a Mom is watching your heart walk outside your body.
As I reflect on Mother’s Day, I am thinking about the mothers in my own family. Some of us had nurturing in our DNA; some of us never got the memo. Some of us got it down pat; some of us continue to learn by trial and error. None of us are perfect or have it all together. But no matter what, our bloodline flows strong, and our hearts beat true. Children are a blessing. I believe as we look upon our children, young and old, the beating of our hearts never ceases to flutter. Some of us ease into our roles, and some of us, not so much. No one ever gave me a manual on Motherhood, and even if they did, the writer most likely didn’t have children of their own. Why? Because we learn by experience, and we learn by trial and error.
As I gaze upon the eyes of each Mother represented here, I see the sadness of some unanswered prayers, worries about tomorrow, regrets of yesteryear, and the fear of failure. But I also see love, joy, perseverance, tenderness, belonging, pride, and hope for the future — a better tomorrow.
One thing my mother always said and it is worth repeating: You can have ten fathers but only one mother.
Mothers, stand in the gap for your children. No matter what, never give up on them. And in our twilight years, may our children never give up on us.
© M.A. Pérez 2018, All Rights Reserved
Filed under Mother's Day, Tribute to Mothers
Mary’s Reflection
When she looks back on her life, she sees a faded memory of a girl unsure about herself, frighten, lost, and insecure. She can’t help but see sheer pain, disappointments, mistakes, and heartaches.
She thinks about the roads she’s traveled: Roads filled with quicksand, like the dry Sahara desert, and potholes the size of Texas that tried to swallow her whole!
She thinks about the battles she’s fought for her marriage, her sanity, and her four small children:
She thinks about the struggles she’s endured from abandonment as a child and then again as an adult, along with the failures and the low self-esteem:
She thinks about the sacrifices she’s made in walking away from her education, the stark reality of letting go of a special-needs child for the child’s best interest, and putting her own dreams on hold.
She thinks about the love she’s lost in saying goodbye to her baby sister, her beloved grandparents, and her 15 years of marriage:
She thinks about the tears she’s shed in her loneliness, with emptied promises, shame, and pain:
But as she looks back on her life, she also sees the lessons that she’s learned:
She sees a girl …
Not one who scratched and clawed her way to the top. But a girl who had just enough grit to float to prevent from sinking when life tried to weigh her down. Who walked on pebbles and used them as her stepping stones to get to higher ground. Who’s childlike faith in the God above would blossom into something much greater than herself. While she may have had a father figure missing in action, she’d come to know her Heavenly Father who never left her side.
When she looks in the mirror and what does she see?
A girl once dejected and rejected. She no longer is that sad, little girl. So don’t you feel sorry for her. Applaud her, because it was during the dry seasons that she discovered an oasis. Rejoice with her, because in the darkness is where she found a beacon of light. Admire her for rising above her crisis in spite of her circumstances.
She may have started out in the valley, pecking along like a chicken digging for worms. But then the Ancient of Days taught her to spread her wings like an eagle and soar into the heavens over the mountaintop.
Don’t cry for her, feel sad for her, or grieve for her.
If you’re looking for a lost and lonely child, she is not here. Misunderstood, she may be; a wonder to many she may be. If you’re looking for perfection, she is not that girl; she still has flaws. If you expect to see sophistication or to hear profound eloquence, you may be disappointed.
Her past may even want to dictate her future, the voices in her head play a broken song; her name may even mean “bitter” — but she refuses to be that girl anymore.
What kind of girl is she?
A simple girl.
A grateful girl.
A blessed girl.
She believes in second chances & new beginnings.
She is stronger today for everything she endured. Her scars serve to remind her that she is a survivor. She appreciates the beauty of living life one day at a time. She surrounds herself with those who encourage and genuinely care for her. She clothes herself with a garment of praise, amazed by the wonders of God’s grace.
When she looks in the mirror, what does she see?
She sees a girl turned woman.
If wrinkles must be written upon her brows, she refuses to let them be written upon the heart.
She is more than a conqueror.
She sees strength, learned lessons, and pride in herself.
Sad? No. Alone? No. Afraid? No.
Not that girl anymore.
© M.A. Pérez 2018, All Rights Reserved
Filed under Memoir, reflection, reminiscence
Reflections From the Heart 