Category Archives: Marriage

Still Choosing You: 32 Years Later

Thirty-two years ago, (and after three years of dating), I stood in a mid-length off-white dress and said, “I do.” I had no idea that God was giving me my greatest second chance. At the time, I believed the twists in my life had run their course.

You know my story, babe. Life hasn’t been a straight path for me. It’s felt more like going in circles, running into things I never saw coming. Grit got me through those days that tried to break me. And then you waltzed into our lives. You became a step-dad to my four kids, loving them like your own from the very start. No hesitation. Just heart and true devotion.

After all these years with you, I’ve realized something deeper. Grit keeps me moving forward, but grace is what keeps my heart from turning hard and bitter. And you? You’ve been that steady tenderness I could actually feel. Patient when I wasn’t. Calm when I was losing it. Forgiving even when I made it really hard.

We’re not some picture-perfect couple from a magazine. God knows we both brought plenty of baggage. We’ve experienced real life together. Faced real pain that could have split us up. Had loud arguments that left us both raw and exhausted. There were days I wasn’t sure we’d make it. But we kept choosing each other anyway. We’d sit across the table. Me being my loud Puerto Rican self, and you with that Irish stubbornness of yours. Neither one wanting to back down. We talked through the ugly stuff because we had to. We forgave when walking away would’ve been easier.

Second chances aren’t about pretending the past never happened. They’re about believing God can still build something beautiful with whatever’s left. That’s the truth we’ve been living together for 35 years.

Those early years were wild. Raising a family, juggling bills, teenagers, and way more than we thought we could handle. Some nights I’d fall into bed exhausted, sleepless nights, praying and wondering how we were going to get through tomorrow. But we stayed committed. We kept showing up.

Now the pace has slowed. The house is quieter. The chaos isn’t running our lives anymore. And you know what still surprises me in the best way? When you look at me and say, I’m pretty. When you still reach for my hand across the room. Plus, you still can make me laugh. That spark is still there in your eyes, not the young, hungry one from back then, but something deeper. Seasoned. Steady. Fierce. Stronger because of everything we’ve been through together.

Yes, time has slowed us down, humbled us, and taught us what really matters. We’re not the same two people who said those vows 32 years ago, and thank God for that. We’ve grown into each other. Learned to hold hands when words don’t come. Figured out that just showing up every single day is its own kind of romance.

To my husband, my rock, my second chance: thank you. Thank you for being the steady place when everything beneath me was shaking. Thank you for walking beside me through every chapter, the hard ones and the sweet ones. Thank you for loving every version of me.

You loved the scared, insecure girl I used to be. You embraced the woman I fought to become. And you support the one I’m still becoming, with your hand in mine.

Here’s to 32 years of choosing each other. To slowing down without drifting apart. To still catching that look across the room that says, “I see you, and I’m still all in.” And to all the grace-filled days ahead, because with you, I know they’ll be good.

“Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.”
— 1 Corinthians 13:7–8

Happy anniversary, babe. I’d run this race with you all over again, in heels or in flats. Thirty-two years later, I’d still choose you every time.

You’re my forever.

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Filed under Anniversary celebration, Marriage

How Do I Love Thee

Dedicated to the one I love:

Love is a road. Sometimes smooth. Sometimes full of potholes. Sometimes, it’s like quicksand that wants to swallow you whole.

Looking at this photo of my husband and me, I don’t just see a moment. I see every step we’ve taken together. The long days. The late-night talks. The whispered prayers when we didn’t know what else to do. The mistakes we stumbled through, and the grace that carried us forward.

How Do I Love Thee? by Elizabeth Barrett Browning says it perfectly. Not the easy love. The steady, persistent love. The kind that stretches deep and holds firm when life tilts sideways.

Marriage has been our classroom. It’s taught me that love isn’t just a feeling; you don’t wait for it to show up. It’s a choice. Again. And again. It asks you to bend, to forgive, to hope, to trust. To keep showing up, even when you’re tired, even when your heart aches, even when the world feels heavy.

Faith has quietly guided us through it all. God has been the steady hand on the wheel. The compass was used when we couldn’t see the path. The shelter was where storms came. And because of Him, our love keeps growing, not perfect, not loud, but true.

Love like this doesn’t fade with time. It deepens. It matures. And by His grace, it continues to grow, day by day, breath by breath.

So today, on Valentine’s Day, I’m grateful. For him. For us. For the crooked roads and the smooth stretches. I am also thankful to God. He keeps showing us how to love deeper. He teaches us to love more widely and more deeply than we ever could on our own.

This is how I love thee. ❤️

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He Completes Me

“I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine.”

He is the one for me. He is the man who has stuck by my side since day one as my loving confidant, helpmate, and best friend. He is the man who loves me, cherishes me, and tells me that I am beautiful. He loves me on my best days and he loves me on my worse days. He knows my past and has never belittled me or made me feel inadequate. He is faithful, a man true to his word. I can count on his constant love and remain secure in his arms. He praises me for my accomplishments and encourages me in my failures. When I’m happy, his warm laughter melts my heart. His gentle touch wipes away my tears when I’m sad or fearful.

I love you, my husband, and I am proud to be your wife. I am genuinely grateful to the Lord for bringing us together to share the remainder of our days. As we celebrate our twenty-eighth wedding anniversary, may our constant love nourish and sustain each other until the end of time.

You can read about him in Chapter 42 of my book: “Running in Heels: A Memoir of Grit and Grace

IMG_3824

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Filed under Anniversary celebration, Marriage

He Completes Me

“I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine.”

He is the one for me. He is the man who has stuck by my side since day one as my loving confidant, helpmate, and best friend. He is the man who loves me, cherishes me, and tells me that I am beautiful. He loves me on my best days and he loves me on my worse days. He knows my past and has never belittled me or made me feel inadequate. He is faithful, a man true to his word. I can count on his constant love and remain secure in his arms. He praises me for my accomplishments and encourages me in my failures. When I’m happy, his warm laughter melts my heart. When I’m sad or fearful, his gentle touch wipes away my tears.

I love you, my husband. And I am proud to be your wife. I am truly grateful to the Lord for joining us together to share the remainder of our days. As we celebrate our twenty-seventh wedding anniversary, may our constant love nourish and sustain each other until the end of time.

You can read about him in Chapter 42 of my book: “Running in Heels: A Memoir of Grit and Grace

IMG_3824

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Filed under Anniversary celebration, Marriage

He Completes Me

“I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine.”

He is the one for me. He is the man who has stuck by my side since day one as my loving confidant, helpmate, and best friend. He is the man who loves me, cherishes me, and tells me that I am beautiful. He loves me on my best days and he loves me on my worse days. He knows my past and has never belittled me or made me feel inadequate. He is faithful, a man true to his word. I can count on his constant love and remain secure in his arms. He praises me for my accomplishments and encourages me in my failures. When I’m happy, his warm laughter melts my heart. When I’m sad or fearful, his gentle touch wipes away my tears.

I love you, my husband. And I am proud to be your wife. I am truly grateful to the Lord for joining us together to share the remainder of our days. As we celebrate our twenty-fifth wedding anniversary, may our constant love nourish and sustain each other until the end of time.

You can read about him in Chapter 42 of my book: “Running in Heels: A Memoir of Grit and Grace

IMG_3824

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Match Made from Heaven

wedding

It’s hard to fathom that we’ve reached a milestone. Come April 6th, we have been married for twenty-two amazing years.

From the beginning, I knew I could rely on you. For the first time, I didn’t have to face my struggles alone. When you vowed in becoming my soulmate, you stood up to the plate in becoming a loving daddy to my children. Although the roads have been bumpy, the ride has been exhilarating.

The route may not always be smooth, but the pathway is attainable because of your steadfastness. With every twist and turn, I find strength while learning to lean on your shoulders. In your arms, there is a shelter in the midst of the rainstorms and warmth from the frigid winds.

You believed in me before I believed in myself. I am not afraid to be me when I am with you. Your laughter is music to my ears. When I look at you, I see the love in your eyes still twinkling … for me.

I want to thank you, babe, for all the years by my side. I pray that God grants us many more to come. I appreciate you, admire you, and love you more today than I did yesterday. I thank God for making us one, knowing that together we will weather the storms.

Your soothing voice calms my fears; your gentle touch chases away my tears.
Your strength is my abiding force; your soothing words, are my guiding source.

© M.A. Perez 2016, All Rights Reserved

He’s not perfect. You aren’t either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can. He isn’t going to quote poetry, he’s not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break. Don’t hurt him, don’t change him, and don’t expect for more than he can give. Don’t analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he’s not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don’t exist, but there’s always one guy that is perfect for you.
~ Bob Marley

About "Running in Heels: A Memoir of Grit & Grace"

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Filed under Marriage, Wedding Anniversary

“Mrs. C”

We affectionately call her Mrs. C.

In her sixties, with remarkable zeal, she carried a charismatic and gregarious personality. She was a Bible teacher, an author, a missionary, a powerhouse, and a woman of great faith. She exuded genuine friendship in a Godly persona and took me under her wings. She held many prayer meetings in her home and often prostrated herself on the floor, face down, interceding for others. She became my lifesaver, my spiritual mother. Throughout the years, I frequently relied on her for spiritual guidance and much-needed counsel.

On one dreary afternoon, the sky grew overcast along with my hope and faith. Suffering from battle fatigue, I sat in Mrs. C’s den. I told her I was sick and tired of being sick and tired.

“I can’t take it anymore,” I confessed, wringing my hands.

Patiently, unassuming, and non-judgmental, Mrs. C handed me a tissue and gave me time to release the dread and pain in my heart.

“I’ve tried everything. Done all I know to do. Yet nothing seems good enough.”

“Has he stopped hitting you?”

I sighed, much relieved that he had. “Oh, yes.”

“Mary Ann, in his own way, you know he loves you,” she began, “but you have become ‘weary in well-doing.’ In your mind’s eye, you’ve conceded it’s not worth it.”

She honed in on my sentiments. I hung my head in shame.

“You know,” she insisted, “it is worth it all.”

At that moment, I wished I were stronger and smarter, and Mrs. C wasn’t so wise and read me so well. “But shouldn’t this be a two-way street?” I suggested.

“Are you and the kids better off without him?”

I figured she knew the answer before I did. “We . . . we have nowhere else to go.”

“Are you better off without him?” she repeated, handing me the tissue box.

“Money is tight. I can’t afford to do anything else.”

“Are you better off without him?”

No,” I whispered and wiped my nose.

I felt weak and inadequate as a Christian wife, struggling to maintain a measure of peace and sanity in my household with four children and tending to a man struggling with his demons.

“Then, go home and be the best wife and mother you know how to be,” she said.

Sometimes, it’s easier to talk the talk than to walk the walk.

“But first,” she added, “I want to pray for you.”

That woman knew how to enter the Throne Room of God in her prayers. Electricity surged through my entire body when she touched me while praying. Before I left, she handed me her book, Wives, Unequally Yoked. I figured reading couldn’t hurt, plus the title intrigued me. I’d already devoured The Total Woman, by Marabel Morgan. The pages were worn and underlined with a yellow marker, much like my own Bible.

“PRAY HARDEST WHEN IT’S HARDEST TO PRAY”

I didn’t leave Mrs. C’s company the same way I arrived. Resolved in my heart not to become bitter, I determined to be better and left strengthened, with a made-up mind.

Mrs. C suggested that I study a passage in the Bible that read: “In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the Word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior.”

I had to admit this wasn’t easy. I’d used my tongue as a weapon more times than I cared to count, and didn’t know if I could keep my mouth shut. But with renewed determination, I worked on dropping the holier-than-thou attitude and praying for my husband more. This time, I prayed–not that my life might become easier–but that he might become whole: physically, spiritually, and emotionally.

Note: Has anyone outside of your family meant the world to you? Made an impact? Enriched your life?

Throughout the years, many have come into my life, for which I am eternally grateful. Mrs. C recently celebrated her 87th birthday. Although not as active as once before, Mrs. C has touched and helped countless lives that are still going strong today. Because of her, many have realized their true potential and reached their purpose.

Michael C. Dudash

Painting by Michael C. Dudash

© M.A. Perez 2013, All Rights Reserved

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October 6, 2013 · 12:51 PM