The Battle Within

Some of you know that I recently joined Toastmasters. Last Thursday, I was asked to introduce myself by giving my first speech called The Ice Breaker. The objectives are to begin speaking before an audience, and to discover speaking skills you already have and skills that need some attention. You only have four to six minutes to present it.

I’d like to share with you my Ice Breaker speech which I titled, “The Battle Within.” Was I nervous? You betcha! Did I stumble? Ah, yeah … but you move on and finish. By the way, I won best speech of the night. Go figure. You never know the outcome if you don’t put yourself out of your comfort zone and try.

toastmasters-1-the-ice-breaker

Thank you Mr. Toastmaster.

Hi, I’m Mary Ann.  I’m a published author, currently working as an Inside Sales rep for a customer service company in Sugar Land, Texas. I am happily married to my best friend for 22 years, and I have four amazing children and two adorable grandchildren.

I was born in New York and raised in Miami after my parents separated when I was 3, and divorced by the time I was 5.

I lived with my single mother and we were dirt poor. There was no money, no food and no love.  Now, when there’s no money, you don’t have any shoes, and you get a lot of eviction notices. When there’s no food, well, you’re hungry all the time. And when there’s no love, you feel isolate, insecure and invisible. Forced to grow up too fast, wearing shoes too big for my feet, and being my mother’s mother, crippled me emotionally.

At an early age, a battle was raging within me and that was the feeling of being “less than.”

Ashamed of my upbringing, heritage, and status, I felt only the ritzy kids went to summer camps, swimming lessons & Girl Scout gatherings, but not me; I was always on the outside looking in.

In my teens, I grew bitter and thinking that I could do better than my mother, I eventually ran into the arms of a ruthless man, twice my age. He was an alcoholic, a womanizer, a brow-beater, and he ruled with an iron fist. All the while, I struggled with that battle from within called insecurities. I wore a mask to try to cover feelings of low self-esteem and self-worth, which clouded my vision.

He and I did married. By the time I was 22, I had my 4th child. I was only a “baby-machine” to him, and he constantly fed my insecurities and never let me forget I was under his feet.  I felt I couldn’t do better, so I stayed in that relationship. I felt trapped but I made the best of my situation for my children’s sake. Long story short, that marriage lasted 15 years. I guess I grew up.

In retrospect, it wasn’t until I returned to the God of my grandparents that my mind, past and emotions were healed. I know now that what I endured yesterday as a child and as a young adult made me the stronger woman that I am today.

A few years ago, I decided to write my memoirs for my kids so that they can know some of the history, struggles and hardships their mother faced. I wanted them to know that no matter what, our past does not have to dictate our future. And it’s been my present husband who encouraged and supported me all along, telling me, “You know you need to write for other women so that they can be inspired.” He was right.

Although no longer ashamed of my pain, you know I still fight a battle from within? I struggle with low self-esteem. I DO! But I know that I have God on my side now. He not only had given me the grit to come this far, but He also gives me His grace to carry me through every obstacle that I ever faced! I learned that the battles are not mine but are His.

In my book, “Running in Heels: A Memoir of Grit and Grace,” I share the coming-of-age journey about a girl’s refusal to be defined by her environment while seeking inner-healing thru her brokenness. No matter your past, you can still be a person of worth! And it starts with a made-up mind!

I have joined Toastmasters to help my battle from within that I may gain confidence during book signings, attending book clubs & author’s events in helping me by overcoming the fear, the insecurities & the nerves when it’s time to open my mouth. You see, it’s one thing to write a book, it’s quite another to be able to speak to others. I know I have something to say and I am here to learn how to say it well.

Thank you.

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29 Comments

Filed under The Ice Breaker, Toastmasters

29 responses to “The Battle Within

  1. Inspiring. So glad you decided to share your story.

  2. Wonderful! Thank you for sharing!

  3. Hi Mary!

    Well done! That’s not just a great speech but a beautiful testimony of the power of God. I’m sure it’s an opportunity for others to look to God for hope as well.

    Praying all is well with your husband and every family member. God bless you! 🙂

  4. Deborah Hulen

    Well done my friend… excellent!

  5. That was an inspiring speech! How courageous to share such intimate details. Congratulations. I’ve always wondered about Toastmasters but not really sure what they’re all about.

    • Thank you so much! Have you ever been to a writers’ critique group? Well, this is like a a critique speaking group and you’ll have different assignments and tasks to participate. It develops confidence, etc. May I suggest that you visit a couple closest to you? (No two are alike.) Let me know 🙂

    • Thanks so much for stopping by and commenting! There are so many to choose from! I’m sure you can visit several and check them out in your area. “Never too old to learn!” Cheers! 🙂

  6. Geri

    Hi Mary, good job on your speech. I’ve never heard of toast masters, now I do. Hearing your story always amaze me with your strength. After meeting you I do believe and I know that you will be successful in your future with your insecurities and I know you will make one great speaker one of the best.

    • Geri! How have you been? I think about you from time to time, how could I not? I’ll never forget when I was a guest and took part at your wonderful book club, how you honored me with a two page hand-written letter! I covet your prayers. Thank you so much for your encouragement and pushing me onward! Hugs!

  7. You are an over-comer, and have my respect and admiration. I have close relationships with some men in our church who like myself have come through addictions and all sorts of destructive backgrounds that should have killed them, or left them for dead on life’s battlefield. But as they met and came to know Jesus, everything changed. Now like you, they are examples of how to deal with the past and move on to a life full of grace and potential, in spite of the dents in their souls. And they can say to others “Hey, I’ve been there. Get up. Let’s go forward.”

    So happy for your boldness to speak up in public. You will touch and influence many lives. Would love to hear you. Bravo, and blessings. crossingpaths.net

    • Thanks for stopping by, Michael. Loved what you say about “dents in their souls.” Never in a million years would I ever imagined that God had anything like this in stored for me regarding my past! So glad that He continues to perfect all of us who looked to Him for guidance. Happy to know that you are a beacon to the men in your circle. Blessings to you!

  8. Wonderfully written! I bet it was even more powerful to have heard you speak. I see why you won. 🙂

  9. This is great. Your story sounds like Cinderella

  10. Well done Mary! Congrats. ❤️🦋❤️
    Cate

  11. Bravo! You are an inspiration~

  12. Liz Pelletier

    Wonderful, Mary Ann!! 🌺🌺

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