Tag Archives: personal

I did a thing today. It wasn’t a biggie … well, maybe it was. For me. I have mixed feelings about it. I decided to post my mother’s power lift chair on Nextdoor’s website this morning to sell … and within a couple of hours, it sold.

That was Mama’s chair.

We kept her chair always covered up to prevent spills from food or drinks. It still looked new. It’s where Mama sat all day, getting up to use the restroom and back. This chair was perfect for her, comfortable in every way. She had a hand-held mirror and combed her hair everyday and put lipstick on while sitting in that chair. She’d tell stories, greeted family members and guests, and the many medical personnel who tended to her while she sat in that chair. Sometimes for hours, she’d scrolled on her phone to watch her favorite cooking videos or the cute animal videos in that chair.

She laughed in that chair.

She watched her TV shows, ate her meals, and enjoyed her cafesito sitting there.

She cried in that chair.

That chair was her dining room, her office … and even her bed.

I would have held onto her chair for the memories … but I feared I would have become a hoarder instead. I knew I had to let go, praying and believing there was someone else out there who may benefit using this chair, and gain some comfort and support.

I still see Mama on that chair.

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Filed under bittersweet memories

Tagged as bittersweet memories, Family, letting go, personal

September 23, 2023 · 9:11 AM

On Bended Knees and Hearts

Sept 23, 1968: It is a day of celebration. We are with our beloved maternal grandma. The little girl (me) happily stands near her beautiful baby sister who carries an infectious smile. We are celebrating my sister’s two-year-old birthday.

Oct. 22, 1968: One month later, it is a day of mourning. We are devastated, and heartbroken about the precious life taken much too soon by a hit-and-run driver. With her sister gone, the little girl feels more lonely than ever before. Mama felt lost and never the same.

Present Year 2023: This past Mother’s Day at 3 p.m., Mama changed addresses. In August, we took some of Mama’s remains and placed them near her daughter, my baby sister. Both are with their Savior now and no longer are suffering. We shall see our loved ones again one day. For now, we are left with their memories and the ‘should-of, could-of, would-of.’

Ecclesiastes 12:7

“Then the dust will return to the earth as it was,
And the spirit will return to God who gave it.”

John 14:1-4

“Let not your heart be troubled;

you believe in God, believe also in Me.

In My Father’s house are many mansions;

if it were not so, I would have told you.

I go to prepare a place for you.

And if I go and prepare a place for you,

I will come again and receive you to Myself;

that where I am, there you may be also.

And where I go you know, and the way you know.”

Running in Heels: A Memoir of Grit and Grace by Mary A. Pérez

3 Comments

Filed under Life & Death

Tagged as baby sister, celebration, Ecclesiastes 12:7, grieving, heartfelt, heaven, John 14, Life & Death, Mama, Mother, mourning, personal

August 25, 2023 · 11:52 PM

Daddy’s 90th B/day Celebration/Family Reunion/ Florida Vacation

Some of you know we had to say goodbye to my 88-year-old mama, a little over three months ago. Her memory continues to linger. She was loved beyond words. Missed beyond measure. At times, whenever I enter her room, sadness still floods my soul. I’ve given my grief over to the Lord time and time again, and every day I am strengthened. We did the best we could in caring for Mama for the few years she lived with us, and once she went through major surgery, we even sought outside professional help.

If you have read my memoir, you know my parents divorced when I was very young. Daddy still lives in Florida with my stepmother. My dear sister, from their marriage, is taking excellent care of them both. I was anxious about visiting Daddy this year for his 90th birthday. Needless to say, it was important to me that I be there.

The day finally arrived when we flew to Orlando for Daddy’s milestone birthday party. However, due to illnesses, etc., this big event almost didn’t happen. I am so thankful that the special day came to fruition and we were present to help celebrate this grand occasion.

We enjoyed spending precious time with Daddy, Mama Gloria, siblings, aunts, uncles, and several cousins. There were about 14 of us who stayed overnight at a lovely 2-story Airbnb my sister had reserved, which was more than ample room with a swimming pool. The next day, more family members arrived to celebrate Daddy’s birthday bash, and we gathered around and ate to our heart’s content. The catered meal consisted of Puerto Rican and Cuban dishes such as pernil (roasted pork roast), arroz con gandules (yellow rice and pigeon peas), Congri (Cuban rice mixed with black beans), maduros (sweet plantains), and Cuban-style yuca with garlic mojo. Photos were taken with the birthday boy, with cake and balloons.

Mornings consisted of indulging in delicious home-cooked breakfasts with café con leche. We continually exchanged stories, laughter, great conversations, singing, and prayers. Wonderful memories were made to last a lifetime. Daddy’s party was a wonderful event.

After our stay in the Airbnb, we continued with our vacation plans. We attended a dinner and tournament show at the Medieval Times Dinner Theater in Orlando. The entertainment was fantastic with beautiful horses, jousting, and some cool sword fighting. During the performance, a tasty four-course meal was served, but you had to eat with your hands like in medieval times. Other outings that week included a one-hour ride at Wild Willy’s Airboat Tour through Florida’s Everglades. We experienced some of Florida’s wildlife including blue herons, gators and their nests, small beautiful orange-looking birds, and we even saw a bald eagle! One evening, we visited Old Town in Kissimmee with our cousins and got to enjoy a 30-year-old tradition with classic hot rods and muscle cars driving by in tow! On another day, the chances of rain did not stop us as we headed towards the lovely Anna Maria Beach with its turquoise warm, clear water, and white sand. The scenery did not disappoint. This was a little bit of heaven for me. It was hard to leave! And finally, we stopped and visited my stepson in Tampa and he surprisingly treated us to his mouth-watering specialty: reverse-seared ribeyes, and tomahawk steaks!

Looking back now, I am thankful for all that transpired during our week in Florida. My main takeaway: Daddy remembered me. He remembered all of us. He was present, engaging, and loving. He even said a prayer over us. It felt good to feel his love while hugging him tightly. It was special to see my nieces and nephew and see how they have grown, and reconnect with some cousins whom I hadn’t seen in a minute, and get to know them.

Remember: family time is important. Embrace all that God has blessed you with; weed out the pettiness and all that is cumbersome. Life is short and fleeting. You blink and you miss a moment. Count your blessings and focus on the bigger picture on this side of heaven called life’s journeys. It is a gift.

(Want to especially thank Titi Sonia and Tio Manny for graciously putting us up in their lovely home.)

Please enjoy some photos taken of our vacation week.

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Filed under Daddy's 90th, Florida vacation

Tagged as 90th birthday, boricuas, familia, Florida, memoirs, personal, Puerto Rican pride, reunion, thankfulness, travels, vacation

August 21, 2023 · 10:26 PM

Full Circle

“Grief is like the ocean; it comes in waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.” Vicki Harrison

She was weak, frail, with no appetite. I prayed that Mama would make it to Mother’s Day and she did, leaving us at 3 pm on that very day! I believe she truly received the best gift possible: no more pain or discomfort left worrying about anything or anyone else.

I had told her that I would and I did. Three months had passed. With my immediate family, I took some of Mama’s remains to bury alongside her parents (my grandparents), and my baby sister who tragically was struck down by a hit-and-run driver at the tender age of two, some 55 years ago.

Everyone expresses life and death differently. What we did we felt was another way to honor Mama and her memory. I know that Mama is in heaven, and not in a shallow grave. You see, doing this was more about healing for us. We are at peace knowing we did something to honor her life. Through it all—and there were many bumps in the road—Mama was loved and she is now with her Savior. In the end: Love. Won!

"Let not your heart be troubled; you believe in God, believe also in Me.In My Father’s house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself; that where I am, there you may be also. And where I go you know, and the way you know.”

John 14:1-4

Here is a snapshot of what this looked like:

Click “Running in Heels: A Memoir of Grit and Grace” by Mary A. Pérez
to purchase through Amazon

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Filed under grieving, Memorial

Tagged as Family, gravesite, grieving, John 14:1-4, Mama, memoir, Memorial, personal, Running in Heels: A Memoir of Grit and Grace, Vicki Harrison

May 27, 2023 · 3:00 PM

Celebrating Mama’s Life. . .

^{Creative Director – Charlie Duggar}
^{featuring artists: Evan Craft, Danny Gokey, Redimi2 – “Be Alright”
Tercer Cielo – “Yo Te Extrañare”
Boyz II Men – “A Song for Mama”
Elvis Presley – “Take My Hand, Precious Lord”
Josh Groban – “You Raise Me Up”
Mercy Me – “I Can Only Imagine”}

I had to say goodbye to Mama.
On Mother’s Day.
The Lord called her home at 3 pm.

In my heart of hearts, I believe she received the best Mother’s Day gift ever. No more pain, no more suffering, and now she rejoices with her Saviour and all the loved ones who have gone on before her. As Christians, that’s our Blessed Hope! And I will see her again.

It’s true: “We cannot think our way out of grief. We must feel our way out of grief.”

So when I said goodbye to Mama, the sadness of losing her hit me deeply. It snatched my breath away. I felt a pain rip through my chest. This grief is heavy and if it didn’t come in waves, I’d be consumed. A mother and daughter’s relationship is complex, and lines of communication can be difficult. We worked on doing better as time went by. And in the end, when she couldn’t speak, she’d gaze upon me, and her loving eyes spoke volumes. She fought the good fight! Her last breath on earth became her first breath in heaven.

So Mama, I want to express again: Thank you for praying for me when words escaped you.

Because of you, I found the strength I never knew I had; I learned to be resilient.

Because of you, I have found that when I can’t, God can! And He has. And He continues to do so.

I want to thank you for giving me life, although the journey was anything but easy.

I’m grateful that because of you, this caterpillar turned into a butterfly and in the strength of the Lord I learned to spread my wings over circumstances, over difficulties, and over the struggles of life.

One thing I know – and have always known – you loved me and I loved you! Just the way you described me, Mama, I will always be your little girl.

Farewell for now.

Your heart still beats. It beats within me.

Love won.

And. You. Were. Loved.

Click here >>> On Borrowed Time <<< Click here
~ My blog on 10/2022 ~

6 Comments

Filed under Mama's Celebration of Life, Mother's Day

Tagged as Blessed Hope, death, emotions, grieving, heartbreak, heaven, John 14:1-4, Latina, Mama, mourning, personal, sorrow

April 12, 2023 · 4:51 PM

Because Of You

“¿Por que tu lloras?” He asked. “Why do you cry?”

How can I not?! I am in my daddy’s arms!

Daddy, I cried because you were alert and present; you recognized me! Thank God that you did! I cried as I studied your charming face, watching the familiar spark dancing in your eyes. I cried in hearing the mirth in your voice close to my ears again. I cried as you embraced me in your arms, lovingly, tightly, just like when I was a little girl.

As I gaze upon you, I notice the years travel like a roadmap across your sweet face, and I observe the twinkle in your eyes growing dim as discomfort and pain take over. Your voice of mirth soon sounded a bit weaker, and I feel your grip grow feeble and noticed your hands soft, no longer solid, and callous from work. Sadness pierces my heart. Yet, time stood still. I am blessed, just by being in your arms again.

Daddy, I love you. So many years have passed. Oh, how I have missed you! I shall hold onto the memories and bring them back home with me, and shall cherish them forever!

I. Cried. Because. Of. You.

Click here to read an excerpt from Author Mary A. Pérez’s,
“Running in Heels: A Memoir of Grit and Grace”
https://maryaperez.com/2017/06/16/best-daddy-ever-my-hero-2/

3 Comments

Filed under Dementia in Family

Tagged as dementia, elderly, Latinos, personal

October 10, 2022 · 5:08 PM

On Borrowed Time

How time flies.

We’ve been caring for Mama in our home for the past 3 years. After spending the holidays with us like she’d normally do, she never returned to her apartment. Hubby and I noticed how frail she had become and the realization hit us both that she was going to need more assistance than what she’d been getting living on her own.

We do what we have to.

Our adult daughter, who also lives with us, is a tremendous help and caregiver for Mom, as well. My husband and I work full-time. Even with care providers, the bath-nurses, and medical folk checking in on Mom on a weekly basis, my daughter fills in the gap and then some.

Last year, after her doctor’s visit and blood work results, Mom’s doctor ordered that she be admitted to the hospital. Her blood pressure and blood count were dangerously low! During the four nights there, she received two units of blood and an iron infusion before returning home, along with her energy and appetite back! A year later, in August, it happened again – she was hospitalized and released. Soon after, I got medical POA, so when the repeated episode occurred a month later, this time, thankfully, Mom agreed to have an endoscopy procedure instead of coming home.

She had a mass in her stomach.

The dreaded cancer.

We cried, reminisced, and prayed.

Dr. Solomon would be Mom’s surgeon. We prayed non-stop for this physician and witnessed how he used wisdom in dealing with Mom’s delicate procedure beforehand. We placed our trust in him, knowing that the God we served–the Great Physician–was in control.

On the day of surgery, my husband, and children joined me. As they wheeled her off to surgery, I could see flecks of fear swimming in her eyes. I hoped she found strength in mine, howbeit my heart was heavy. You see, I became that little girl again. And I cried out to her, “Momma, come back to me!”

We waited in the waiting area for half a day, even when her surgery was over and she was in Post-Opt room. The good news, cancer did not seem to have spread to any other area in her body. However, they removed 80% of her stomach.

Mama remained in ICU for a couple of days and then moved to a private room. I remained with her spending the night as much as I could, giving her my love and support every chance. We have always had a complex relationship–she and I–but no matter what, she is still my mama and I will always be her little girl. ( To read more of my journey, click here… )

Today is Mama’s 88th birthday. Yesterday, Sunday, the family joined us to celebrate her life, surrounding her with our love and prayers. We wore matching T-shirts to honor her. I wanted her to feel our love and let her know how special she is. She is the matriarch of the family.

Today, Mom is being moved to Rehab for a few weeks for therapy and to become stronger. We continue to wait for the final pathology report, trusting the Lord will complete the work He has started in her; she is in His hands.

Life is fleeting. Let go of the petty things. Treasure your loved ones while they are still around.

I am comforted in knowing that when I am weak then my God is strong, and His grace is sufficient for me! Thank you, Lord, that your mercies are new every morning. Thank you, Lord, for another day.

8 Comments

Filed under gastric surgery, Personal

Tagged as cancer, Dr. Brett Solomon, Family, gastric surgery, inspiration, mom, Musing, personal, Prayer, the Great Physician

September 4, 2022 · 1:50 PM

This Thing Called Tears – Part II

Have your emotions ever run amuck? Without warning or preparation, it hits you between the eyes (or as in my case, the tear gland).

Allow me to share some recent experiences with you.

A friend of mine shared a music video with me and I turned it up to listen as I drove home. I was reminded of the goodness of the Lord. It wasn’t about me, it was all about Him. The next thing I knew, my heart was elated and I couldn’t help but rejoice in the God whom I serve! I was able to focus on the Lord in Who He is, and all He has done in my life. My spirit was lifted; my heart lightened. What a refreshing moment!

“The joy of the Lord is my strength.” (Nehemiah 8:10)

Well, last week was a bit rough for me in a technical sense. I am not very tech savvy, but my internet was acting up which affected my phone line and prevented me from doing my job satisfactorily – until it was finally fixed; which wasn’t soon enough for my taste! The frustrations built from within, and I felt defeated. Once I left the office, the damn had burst. I cried. And prayed.

“You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle.” (Psalms 56:8)

The other day when I arrived home from work, my husband told me to check out the progress of the repairs he’d been doing in the front room. I went in there, looked around, and yep, you guessed it, started crying! I was pleasantly surprised because, after so much construction mess, I could finally see the light. I saw how it was going to look once painted! My heart was filled with gratitude and thanksgiving. Yes, I had a moment! I stayed there a while. The funny thing is when I went to my husband, he looked at me and immediately was concerned asking what was wrong, what had happened. My daughter also saw me and jumped up, thinking something had happened! But these were tears of joy … and it all sprung up and surprised me as well.

There’s a time and season for everything. In the good, praise God! In the bad when things are rough, praise God!

“A time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance” (Ecclesiastes 3:4).

Please check out my first blog about tears: https://maryaperez.com/2013/10/17/this-thing-called-tears/

And who can forget this timeless song below by The Byrds?