Tag Archives: Musing

August 23, 2025 · 5:27 AM

Life. Time. Aging.

As I approach another birthday, I reflect on the fleeting nature of life. I consider the urgency of time and the grace of aging. Through scripture, memories, and personal growth, I’m reminded that our best days may still lie ahead.

LIFE:

~ has many twists and turns. It is fleeting and fragile. In an instant, it can be gone! We don’t know what tomorrow holds.

Hurricanes
Flooding
Earthquakes
Riots/Shootings
Tragedies
Sickness

Are we seizing the day?

So many times, I feel aimless, inadequate, and inept. Yet, I know I have a purpose and a calling. Think about what your own Desires, Goals, and Plans are.

We can all ask ourselves: What is my purpose? What is my destiny in life? Are they obtainable, worthy, and healthy? Are they Your plans, Lord?

God gave us the gift of LIFE; it is up to us to give ourselves the gift of giving.

To succeed in LIFE, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone, and a funny bone.

Now the Bible says: But do not overlook this one fact, beloved, that with the Lord one day is as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day.

Matt 6:24 “So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

TIME:

~ In my younger years, I felt invincible – TIME was my friend.

Now TIME feels like a constant reminder that it’s running out! In the wink of an eye, it can be taken away. Looking back, I regretted those times when I foolishly vacillated from doing what I knew was right. Next thing I knew, it was too late to:

Undo a wrong; never got the chance to say I’m sorry
Undo a hurt; left with regrets
Tell someone that I love and appreciate them

My husband says: It’s never too early, it’s always too late.

Don’t you wish you had forgiven quickly? Made peace with another sooner? Loved harder? I. Sure. Do.

We must use TIME as a tool, not as a crutch.

Know the true value of TIME; snatch, seize, and enjoy every moment of it. No idleness, no laziness, no procrastination: never put off till tomorrow what you can do today.

AGING:

~ As a senior myself now, I can’t help but reflect on the aging process …

I muse about my earlier years in having to grow up so fast. I wasn’t given a choice. Then, in my teens and young adulthood, I struggled in a painful, unrequited marriage, raising four children.

Next thing I knew, my twenties were gone, and my 15-year marriage was deteriorating. Separated and divorced in my thirties, I felt like a failure. But you know what? The world did not end. Thank God for new beginnings! By my mid-thirties, I found true love and remarried; Mark and I are presently in our 31st year.

In my early forties, the season changed again, and I welcomed the joys of grand parenting. They’ve brought such delight to my heart and kept me on the go!

In my fifties, I experienced the notorious body aches and pains. During this time, we cared for a dear little centenarian around the clock. She taught me about living one day at a time: in having a 90% attitude and 10% circumstance.

In my sixties, like a leaf in the wind, I had to let go. I sadly said so long to my mama. You never feel ready. You can’t help but think about the “should’ve,” “could’ve,” and “would’ve! And wouldn’t you know, within three months after that, I embraced the wonders of great-grand parenting. And she is GREAT.

As I reflect on this aging process, I realize I still don’t have all the answers. However, I believe I’ve learned a thing or two about what life has dealt me. Someone said, “Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be.”

The body has a way of reminding me about “aging” whenever I throw my back out or pop my knee. And yes, that dreaded mirror cannot tell a lie. I’ll notice a line here and another wrinkle there. I gaze upon certain areas of my physique and wonder: How can this be? Who are you? What in the world is that? Where did “it” go? Why is this happening? And when did that change?

I’m especially saddened when I think about loved ones as they became frail and aged …

A dear aunt from New York prayed and believed in my writing project from the start. She had prayed that it would come to fruition. Sadly, she became ill and never got the chance to read my memoir after it was published.
I could go to my grandparents about anything. They were my backbone. They loved me unconditionally. How I miss them!
After observing Mama’s lack of mobility, she came to live with us. After about 5 years, she needed surgery, becoming bedridden afterwards. Then, a few months later, she sadly passed.
Daddy, who lives in Florida, recently turned 92. I feel I don’t get to see him enough. He is in the beginning stages of dementia. I pray he never forgets me.

Truthfully, some of my dreams have reached their expiration date. Realistically, I can’t go back there. However, this passage speaks to me and tells me to make each day count: Psalms 90:12 So teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts to wisdom

I heard someone share about his fears. He felt his best days were behind him. He feared he had not achieved what he set out to do. He worried about being a middle-aged person, wondering if he added up to anything.

So naturally, I be thinking: What legacy will I leave behind when I’m finished with this race? What I do today, will it count for something worthwhile tomorrow? When I am long gone, will I merely be a faded memory, or will I burn in someone’s heart? Will my deeds be forgotten? Buried? Or lost?

We must remember to live in the present,

not in the yesteryears or in the tomorrow.

We must laugh often, love deeply, pray sincerely,

and believe that our best days are before us.

Yesterday’s the past, tomorrow’s the future, but today is a gift. That’s why it’s called the present. Do not regret growing older; it is a privilege denied by many.

Let’s live our lives with integrity and purpose. This life can beat us down with trials, sorrows, and debilitating worries. When it seems hopeless, let God’s messages about our future for the believer bring hope, which can deeply encourage us.

1 Corinthians 2:9

“Eye has not seen, nor ear heard, nor have entered into the heart of man the things which God has prepared for those who love Him.”

Our heart’s desire is to hear the Lord say one day: “Well done, good and faithful servant; you were faithful over a few things, I will make you ruler over many things. Enter into the joy of your Lord.”

And one more thing: Know that God’s timing is perfect. He’s never early, and He’s never late!

As I continue this journey, I’m working to bring my memoir to life in Spanish. I aim to honor my heritage and reach hearts across cultures. If you feel led to support this vision, I invite you to visit the Translation Project and help make it a reality: 👉 👉 >>> GoFundMe <<<

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Filed under Aging & Life Lessons, Faith & Spirituality, Legacy & Purpose

Tagged as aging gracefully, birthday reflections, God's timing, life transitions, Musing, personal

July 12, 2025 · 6:28 AM

Damaged Goods

Definition of damaged goods: inadequate or impaired. Products that are broken, cracked, scratched, etc.: a person considered no longer desirable or valuable because of something that has happened. This is a person whose reputation is damaged.

Are you damaged goods? Feel like you’re not worthy?

You don’t have to remain that way, regardless of your past, or present.

Was that ever me?

You betcha!

Read on …

Hollow. Pure loneliness. Dark, like a bottomless pit. Ripping in my chest. Piercing my heart. Again, he stays out all night. Overcome by torment. Abandonment accompanies me. Consumed with depression, isolation wraps itself around me. My mind races with wild imaginations of where he has gone, what he is doing, and with whom.

Instead of going to bed to sleep, I am wearing a hole in the couch. Every time a car approaches, I spring like a jack-in-the-box, peeking out the window, hoping he has returned. With every disappointment, my stomach turns into knots. My own sobs mock me until I cry myself to semi-consciousness. Hideous lies will follow after he returns and add to my anguish and emotional decline.

Broken. Flawed. Undone.

That was me back then, dealing with my former (cheating) husband. His words, like rubbing alcohol pouring over fresh wounds, stung! No band-aids healed my emotional pain. No quick fixes. Deeper and deeper I sank into a dark abyss, crushed beyond repair. For several years, that was my pathetic frame of mind. I know now it didn’t have to be that way. So, what was the deal?

I had an overload of abuse: physical, verbal, and emotional. I had low self-esteem and zero self-worth. I believed and accepted a lie about me and my situation. I figured since this was my lot in life, might as well make the best of it. I had witnessed my mom go through a cycle of abuse, but I was obviously blind to my own. I made him mad again … Maybe I deserved it … Talk about co-dependency!

How do you perceive yourself? Have you ever been lied to, beaten down, and trodden upon? Feel like you’ll never come up for air? Are you tired of stumbling around in blindness, things so bleak you can’t even see your own self-worth? Drowning in sorrow, buried in self-pity? Or maybe you feel you’re at the point of no return in trying to please someone else. You compromise your values, your mental state, your resources, and your health!

Stop allowing someone’s negativity or ill-treatment to rob you of your joy and develop a callous heart. Realize you are worthy. You are valued and matter. There’s nothing wrong with being fragile … but let it be like beautiful, fine china. Just know you are not damaged goods, a throwaway, or a faded memory. Don’t be someone’s victim because you listened to their lies and empty promises. I’m living proof that God doesn’t discard what He’s determined to restore.

Get up! Rediscover yourself. Feel your wrist. What is that? A pulse? Then you have a purpose! Allow the Master’s hand to reach down and set you in high places. He’ll wipe the tears and dust the soot from off your heart. If God got me out of the pit, He can get you out, too. It takes a made-up mind. A determination that today is the best day of the rest of your life.

What’s in your hands? What’s in your heart? A dream? A gift? A precious child? You have something worth fighting for. Choose your battles.

If you don’t know my pain, you’ll never understand my praise.

https://gofund.me/3f5e598b

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Filed under psychology

Tagged as abuse, Alabaster Box, battles, Cece Winans, co-dependency, emotional pain, healing, hope, inner strength, life, mental-health, Musing, psychology, purpose, trauma, victim or victor, worthiness

June 28, 2025 · 6:33 AM

How Misunderstanding Love Can Impact Relationships

Gary Chapman is a well-known author, counselor, and radio talk show host on human relationships. According to him, there are 5 Love Languages. Each love language describes how we receive love from others. They are:

Words of Affirmation – Saying supportive things to your partner

Acts of Service – Doing helpful things for your partner

Receiving Gifts – Giving your partner gifts that tell them you were thinking about them

Quality Time – Spending meaningful time with your partner

Physical Touch – Being close to and caressed by your partner

While reading “The 5 Love Languages” by Gary Chapman, he explains how the concept of love can be very confusing. We love activities, objects, animals, nature, and people. We even fall in love with love. He points out that we use love to explain behavior. “‘I did it because I love her,’ says a man who is involved in an adulterous relationship. God calls it sin, but he calls it love. The wife of an alcoholic picks up the pieces after her husband’s latest episode. The psychologist calls it co-dependency, but she calls it love. The parent indulges all the child’s wishes. The family therapist calls it irresponsible parenthood, but the parent calls it love.”

Now I’m not by any means of the imagination, a psychologist, a professor, a clergywoman, or a counselor. I am just an ordinary woman. I’m a wife, mother, daughter, sister, cousin, grandma, aunt, friend, neighbor, coworker, and recently a great-grandma. But, like many, I think we often speak the wrong love language. I definitely have.

In my youth, I did some stupid things out of “love” for a guy. And because I loved him, I thought, surely he will come to my way of thinking. He would love me in return, enough to change his behavior and better himself. After all, hadn’t I bent over backward for him? Worshiped the ground he walked on? Become his doormat? In order to gain his undivided attention, I forgot who I was.

In my teens, I covered my former husband’s transgressions. I hid his secret, sin, and shame. My way of thinking was: This is why I exist, right? It’s my job, isn’t it? His wish was my command. Barefoot, pregnant, and in the kitchen – if only I knew how to cook then! My smile hid the pain in my heart, and makeup hid the bruises on my face. I hid the grocery money and emptied the liquor bottles, refilling half with water, hoping he’d never notice. I’d called his boss to say he was sick in bed after another blackout episode. I told myself: I protect my interests. I do it all in the name of “love.”

I was tired. Burned out. But because I loved my children, I eventually allowed them the freedom of choice. They started listening to the “hip” music their friends were listening to and watching certain types of movies. Oh, sure, I just knew they were old enough and wise enough not to repeat negative behaviors. And yes, I was inconsistent, worn-out, and haggard. I even practiced tough love. I attended church activities and adhered to rules and schedules. Then I lost the victory in my own personal life. I tossed responsibility to the wind. I got lazy. It became every person for himself. I started doing my own thing. I felt defeated. Cold-hearted. Bitter. I had lost the battle as a wife. For a moment, I forgot there was still a war to fight. That war was called MOTHERHOOD.

That was many moons ago. I have moved on—my children are adults, and I am in my second marriage, 31 years now. I continue to strive to communicate this language in a healthy manner. It is far from perfect, but I continue to improve. I aim for a method that allows me to love, if even from a distance, without being overly legalistic.

These are my rambling thoughts as I reflect on Gary Chapman’s perspective on the language of love.

What are your thoughts?

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Filed under Gary Chapman, Love Language

Tagged as co-dependency, Communication, Gary Chapman, love, love language, memoir, motherhood, Musing, parenting, relationship

June 21, 2025 · 8:37 AM

Finding Strength in Joy Amid Life’s Trials

What exactly is joy?

I’ve heard it said, “The world didn’t give it to you and the world can’t take it away.”

Joy: a feeling of great pleasure and happiness. At least that’s what I read online. Sounds good to me, but I know from experience that pleasure and happiness don’t last. Let’s face it, most of us look to others to please us. We often look to others to make us happy. We also look for things to bring us pleasure and happiness. But if we’re honest, that in itself is fleeting, isn’t it? Before you know it, we’re needing another fix!

So, how is “joy” different?

The Bible teaches that the joy of the Lord is our strength. (Nehemiah 8:10b); I love that! But can one experience joy while going through everyday life with its many toils, twists, and turns? To be honest, during times of trauma, the thought of joy escapes me. I mean, I’m not necessarily thinking about joy during these times. Matter of fact, I may even kick and scream (inwardly), and even have actual meltdown periods, or panic attacks.

When I read my Bible, I am reminded that the joy of the Lord is my strength. This is what it means to me: it’s a joy unspeakable and full of glory!

I may not be able to explain it, put my finger on it, or even see it. But I know it’s there – I know it in my knower. (Bear with me, please, I’m fully aware this isn’t “correct” English.) But I just know that I know. It’s not an “in your face” kind of thing. It’s not necessarily giddiness. It’s not even a denial of difficulties. For me, it’s a reassurance that everything will be all right. I may not understand some things, even while having a breakdown, feeling sad, or grieving.

The pain is real. The battle is real. But so is the joy real. This joy is indescribable. Come hell or high water, I feel safe and secure in my Heavenly Father’s arms. It feels just like when I was a child in my earthly daddy’s arms. Even in the midst of pain and sorrow, here is where there’s strength and comfort. This joy floods the heart; it brings inner peace and strength, even though everything else around may be chaotic.

I didn’t always know this or believe this. But through my experiences, I’ve learned a few things. Learn to be still. Quiet. Wait on God’s perfect timing. Life happens. Happiness is fleeting. Pleasure is temporary. But the joy of the Lord remains constant regardless of circumstances and situations.

Joy is the best makeup – Anne Lamott

Excuse me while I put on some makeup.

Have you experienced this joy?

https://gofund.me/3f5e598b

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Filed under Isaiah 61:3

Tagged as Anne Lamott, bible, Christianity, comfort, Faith, inner strength, inner-struggles, Isaiah 61:3, joy, life, Musing, personal

August 31, 2024 · 10:18 AM

Embracing the Seasons

I rarely think about my age. However, my body sure reminds me whenever I throw my back out. It also reminds me of when my knee pops. And yes, in the mirror, I sometimes notice an extra line here or another wrinkle there. I gaze upon certain areas of my physique. I wonder where “it” went and when “that” changed.

From time to time, I muse about my early years. I had to grow up so fast. Then, I had four small children in my teens and young adulthood. The next thing I knew, my twenties were gone, and my marriage was deteriorating. Divorced in my thirties – I felt like a failure, but the world did not end. I remarried by my mid-thirties. Thank God for new beginnings. I can shout from the rooftop that no marriage is so good that it can’t be made better! (You see, I’ve been married most of my life.) In my forties, I embraced the wonders of grand-parenting. In my fifties, I felt the notorious body aches and pains. I found myself being a caregiver to a dear little centenarian. She taught me about living one day at a time.

In my sixties, the seasons changed again for me. This time, I sadly had to say so long to my mama. Within three months, I embraced the wonders of great-grandparenting. And she is GREAT.

As I reflect on this aging process, I realize I don’t have all the answers. However, I believe I’ve learned a thing or two about what life has dealt me. Someone said, “Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be.”

I read Psalms 90:12: “So teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts to wisdom.” This passage speaks to me and tells me to make each day count. I must remember to live in the present, not the yesteryears or tomorrows. I must remember to laugh often, love deeply, pray sincerely, and believe that my best days are before me.

Another birthday has come and gone. I can’t help but think: Have I done all I ever wanted to do? Of course, the answer is a resounding no: not even close. Am I running out of time? That’s God’s business. I believe life is a gift from God, and I’ll take each day and cherish the moment. He is the reason for every good thing, every heartbeat, and every second chance. Each. And. Everyday.

I may not know what tomorrow holds, but I know Who holds my tomorrow.

I am thankful for God’s goodness and the love I still see in my grown children’s eyes. I cherish the laughter of my grandchildren’s voices and the giggles of my great-granddaughter. The warmth of my husband’s embrace fills my heart. I am grateful for the scent of rain lingering in the air. The taste of grateful tears streaming down my cheeks reminds me of my joy. I am thankful for yet another year with loved ones and friends.

Someone said age is a myth and beauty is a state of mind. I like that.

May I grow old gracefully, forever blooming where I am planted,
one petal at a time.

“Running in Heels: A Memoir of Grits and Grace” by Mary A. Pérez

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Filed under Gift of Life

Tagged as aging, birthday, blessings, gratitude, growth, life, maturing, milestone, Musing, personal, Psalm 90:12, reminiscing, time

May 7, 2024 · 10:38 PM

Dear Mama,

My heart is heavy thinking about you today. It doesn’t seem possible that it’s been a year since you’ve been gone. One of the hardest things was letting go and relinquishing you into God’s hands. He took you home on Mother’s Day around 3 pm. I believe you received the best Mother’s Day gift ever. It was difficult to see you in pain, a prisoner in your own body, lying in that bed. I never gave up on you, Mama! But I had to let you go. You had suffered enough.

In the end, friends and family came together for a celebration of life in honor of you. I’m sure the Lord gave you a glimpse of this side of heaven. You saw your beautiful flowers and heard the music choice. I know you would have been pleased and touched by what was said on your behalf. You were loved. And you are sorely missed.

I think about you often, especially during the holidays. You were always a vital part of our household. You sat at the dinner table, surrounded by family and chatter. You always enjoyed our delicious home-cooked meals. I think about you whenever I cook one of your favorites. I’m glad I can look back at some photos and see you grinning with your plate full! I loved to make you smile. Whenever I’d see a pretty blouse or jewelry, I’d buy it for you. I knew it would please you. Even bringing you a banana split or a vanilla shake did the trick.

Reflecting back, my heart is also heavy for the times I grew impatient with you. I had tried to express how sorry I was for any harsh words spoken out of frustration between us. I’m grateful that our God is merciful, and His grace covers us. We were not the perfect mother-and-daughter role model. Our words weren’t always laced with honey. But we were quick to forgive each other. After all, you were my Mama, and I remained your little girl.

You know, you went with us to Miami. I took some of your remains. I scattered them alongside Grandma & Grandpa. I also scattered them alongside my baby sister, whom we lost so long ago. You always wanted to be near them. I know this was more healing for my benefit, but I wanted you to know I hadn’t forgotten.

Oh, Mama, you have a precious great-great-granddaughter now! You would be tickled-pink and all over her! She was born three months after your passing, two days before my birthday.

Mama. You. Were. Right. You can have ten fathers, but only one mother! Mother’s Day is around the corner. I still imagine you sitting at the dinner table across from me. But your chair is empty now. You are gone, but will forever live in our hearts until we meet again.

I hope you know, you are loved beyond words. Missed beyond measure.

With all my love, always your little girl.

I also took Mama to Puerto Rico with me to scatter some of her remains…

Philippians 1:3 “I thank my God every time I remember you.”

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Filed under Mama

Tagged as forgiveness, God's grace, Mama, mercy, mother-daughter relationships, Mothers Day, Musing, personal, reflection, role model

March 5, 2024 · 7:21 AM

Susie

Donny was still in the VA Hospital for alcohol abuse. During that time, a wonderful family of five often invited the children and me to their home. Susan and I knew each other from church. She had such a bubbly personality, and I was instantly drawn to her. Her husband, Fred, born and raised in Germany, had a dry sense of humor but made me feel comfortable. After Donny completed treatment, they invited us over for dinner. Our husbands got to finally meet. We shared a delicious meal at the dinner table. The men engaged in small talk. I marveled in silence, taking it all in.

My husband back then was the pursuer. He continually sought Fred’s company. He offered his help with any home repairs and carpentry projects. Those two quickly hit it off and talked to each other freely. They spent most weekends on Fred’s aluminum boat fishing or hanging out at his lake house. They knew the struggles of alcohol and often shared stories about the victories and failures during their alone time. They discussed work, God, and family matters. Sometimes they simply shared a comfortable silence. Their understanding and respect for each other grew.

Friendships blossomed.

Bonds strengthened.

We wives were pleased. Susan and I often shared laughter mingled with tears as we prayed for our husbands, our children, and our community. We shared a common goal: We wanted so much more unity in our home. We celebrated as our families shared meals, barbecues, beach outings, and attended church activities together. Just like family.

Excerpt from “Running in Heels: A Memoir of Grit and Grace,” Chapter 37

Years later, Susan was there for me during abandonment and a painful but necessary divorce. I eventually picked up the pieces of my life. I found renewed love with Mark. He soon became my faithful husband, my second chance at love and happiness. As time passed, some 30 years later, Susan fell ill. Her family asked me to prepare a eulogy for her on their behalf, something I had NEVER done before. Here is that story: https://maryaperez.com/2015/12/23/so-long-for-now/

Mama: My Valentine Gal in Heaven

Loved beyond words. Missed beyond measure.

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Filed under Valentine Mama

Tagged as Mama, Missing Mama, Musing, Valentine

July 24, 2023 · 9:19 PM

Missing my Mama

“Grief, I’ve learned, is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give, but cannot. All that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go.” Jaime Anderson

Missing you, Mama.

On Borrowed Time

How time flies.

We’ve been caring for Mama in our home for the past 3 years. After spending the holidays with us as she usually did, she never returned to her apartment. Hubby and I noticed how frail she had become. We both realized she would need more assistance. She had been getting less help when living on her own.

We do what we have to.

Our adult daughter, who also lives with us, is a tremendous help and caregiver for Mom, as well. My husband and I work full-time. Even with care providers checking in on Mom weekly, my daughter fills in the gap. She does more than expected.

Last year, after her doctor’s visit and blood work results, Mom’s doctor ordered that she be admitted to the hospital. Her blood pressure and blood count were dangerously low! During her four-night stay, she received two units of blood and an iron infusion. She returned home with her energy and appetite back! A year later, in August, it happened again – she was hospitalized and released. Soon after, I got a medical POA. The episode occurred again a month later. Thankfully, Mom agreed this time to have an endoscopy procedure instead of coming home.

She had a mass in her stomach.

The dreaded cancer.

We cried, reminisced, and prayed.

Dr. Solomon would be Mom’s surgeon. We prayed nonstop for this physician and observed how he used wisdom in dealing with Mom’s delicate procedure beforehand. We placed our trust in him, knowing that the God we served–the Great Physician–was in control.

On the day of surgery, my husband and children joined me. As they wheeled her off to surgery, I saw flecks of fear swimming in her eyes. I hoped she found strength in mine, although my heart was heavy. You see, I became that little girl again. And I cried out to her, “Momma, come back to me!”

We waited in the waiting area for half a day. Her surgery was over. She was already in the Post-Opt room. The good news is that cancer did not seem to have spread to any other area in her body. However, they removed 80% of her stomach.

Mama remained in ICU for a couple of days and then moved to a private room. I stayed with her as much as possible. I spent the night with her often. I gave her my love and support every chance I got. We have always had a complex relationship. She and I have had challenges. But no matter what, she is still my mama. I will always be her little girl. ( To read more of my journey, click here… )

Today is Mama’s 88th birthday. Yesterday, Sunday, the family joined us to celebrate her life, surrounding her with our love and prayers. We wore matching T-shirts to honor her. I wanted her to feel our love and let her know how special she is. She is the matriarch of the family.

Today, Mom is being moved to Rehab for a few weeks for therapy and to become stronger. We continue to wait for the final pathology report. We trust the Lord will complete the work He has started in her. She is in His hands.

Life is fleeting. Let go of the petty things. Treasure your loved ones while they are still around.

I am comforted in knowing that when I am weak, my God is strong. His grace is sufficient for me! Thank you, Lord, that your mercies are new every morning. Thank you, Lord, for another day.