Tag Archives: gratitude

Getting It Backward

I heard something the other day that made me stop and think:

We should have a soft heart and a thick skin with whatever comes against us.

Sounds simple enough, right? But the more I thought about it, the more I realized how we easily get that backward.

We live in a world that can be downright jaded. People disappoint us. Words sting. Circumstances test us. Sometimes, the very people we think will understand us are the ones who hurt us the most.

And somewhere along the way, without realizing it, we begin to build walls.

We develop thin skin, taking every comment personally, allowing every criticism to get under it. Yet, at the same time, we develop a hard heart, becoming guarded, less forgiving, and sometimes less compassionate.

Isn’t that ironic? We become sensitive to the wrong things and hardened to the things that matter most.

Sometimes, this lesson hits a little closer to home.

There are moments when we step in to help someone, genuinely wanting to make a difference. Our intentions are good, our hearts are in the right place, and we give what we can, expecting nothing in return.

But sometimes, pride gets in the way. Somewhere between receiving help and acknowledging it, gratitude gets lost. Instead of a simple thank-you, harsh words follow. What began as an act of kindness somehow leaves you feeling slighted, unappreciated, and wondering how something so well-intentioned could take such an unexpected turn.

And that’s when the real test begins.

Do we allow someone else’s words or attitude to harden our hearts? Do we become defensive, replay the conversation, and let the hurt take up residence in our minds? Or do we develop enough thick skin to recognize that not every unkind word deserves a response, while keeping our hearts soft enough not to become unkind ourselves?

It’s not always easy, especially when we know our intentions were good.

But there’s something worth remembering: kindness doesn’t come with a guarantee of appreciation. We cannot control how someone receives our help, how they respond, or whether they choose gratitude over pride.

We can, however, control what we allow that experience to do to us.

Don’t let someone else’s inability to show gratitude become your inability to show grace.

Having a soft heart doesn’t mean being a doormat. And having thick skin doesn’t mean pretending that nothing hurts. We can forgive, extend grace, and still recognize when boundaries are necessary.

I think that’s where faith comes in.

God never asked us to become hardened by the world. He calls us to love, forgive, show compassion, and guard our hearts. Not to shut people out, but to keep bitterness from taking up residence within us.

Maybe that’s why this passage in Ezekiel resonates so deeply. God doesn’t ask us to let life’s hardships turn our hearts to stone. He offers us something better: a new heart and a renewed spirit.

~ Ezekiel 36:26–27

Perhaps the real challenge isn’t learning to become tougher. It’s learning how to remain tender in a world that gives us plenty of reasons not to be.

So here’s to thicker skin, softer hearts, and a little more grace along the way.

Because the world has enough hard hearts already. We don’t need to contribute to the collection.

Leave a comment

Filed under Faith & Inspiration, Personal reflections

Veterans Day

Freedom is never free. Today, we honor the brave, remember the fallen, and give thanks to all who served. May God bless our veterans and the country they fought to protect.

A Personal Remembrance

Today, I also remember my grandpa, who served in the United States Army in 1916. He was just 19 years old in this photograph.

When I look at his young face, I’m reminded that behind every uniform is a young man with a family, a story, and a future of his own.

I’m proud to remember him today and grateful for his service. His story is part of our family history, and one worth remembering.

May God bless our veterans, those who made the ultimate sacrifice, and the families who love them.

Happy Veterans Day! 🇺🇸

1 Comment

Filed under Faith and Inspiration, Personal reflections

Three Gunmen and an Ordinary Morning

Ever wake up expecting an ordinary day, with everything going according to plan? Yeah, me too. But that workday was anything but ordinary…

After several months of working the drive-thru window at my new banking job in the 1990s, I looked forward to working the inside lobby. I retrieved my cash box and set up my drawer as I did on any other day, except that I was stationed alongside my manager and friend, Judy, who had fifteen years of experience in the industry. Once all bank tellers were set up with their cash drawers and supplies, our security guard, Victor, unlocked the front doors and opened for business. Because it was the beginning of the week, I felt confident the day would go by fairly smoothly.

After assisting a couple of customers with their transactions, I was startled by a commotion to my far left. I glanced over just in time to see a masked man come up behind Victor and shove him against the counter. Before Victor could react, the masked man snatched the gun from Victor’s holster. It was like a surreal scene from a horror flick, as he pressed the gun against Victor’s spine and ordered him not to move or turn around. Before I could process what was happening, another gunman barreled past me from my right, a stocking pulled over his face, shouting obscenities and threatening to “pop” anyone who moved!

Another hooded gunman appeared, waving his rifle, shoving customers and employees along the wall, and yelling at them to drop down and not move. Staring in disbelief and shock, as if frozen in time, the tellers behind the counters stood with their hands in the air. As thoughts reeled in my mind, I hardly noticed that my hand was slowly inching out, attempting to set off a silent alarm hidden under the counter, inches from me. Out of nowhere, one of the gunmen jumped on top of my counter, glaring, his gun pointed at me. He growled, “You! Down, now. Or I’ll pop you!”

I was going to faint on the spot at best or be shot to smithereens at worst. Thank the good Lord, I still had some control of my faculties and complied, dropping to my knees with my head down, all the while praying. Judy was not so lucky.

The gunman on my counter began ordering her to climb over the counter and go into the vault with him. One of the other gunmen already held Victor and the commercial teller with his gun pointed in their faces while they waited for the vault to be unlocked. He became impatient with Judy and proceeded to pull on her arm, attempting to drag her up and over the counter. As she struggled to raise her leg to climb, she stumbled back. He jumped down, cursing her for moving slowly and pistol-whipped her. He proceeded to push her toward the vault with the others. (Yes, my head was up and I was peeking.) Once the vault was unlocked, one could only imagine what was taking place inside.

One of the gunmen stood by the front door, holding everyone at bay, spewing profanities and waving his gun back and forth. After what seemed like an eternity, the two gunmen ran out from the vault, tossing money bags to their partner by the exit. They ordered everyone to stay down as they scurried out the front door. After the ruckus, we began to stir and rise from our positions. Peering out the windows, we noticed the police were already on the scene (an alarm had indeed gone off), and they were in hot pursuit of the bank robbers, who apparently had jumped into a getaway car. Instantly, I thought of Judy and the rest who had gone into the vault. They were still inside! Were they hurt? Still alive? I shuddered to think.

As I quickly approached the vault, I heard sobbing, and my heart dropped! All three employees were lying face down on the ground. But the sight of Judy, face down with blood glistening from a gash on her forehead, stunned me. A sob escaped me as I called her name. I was relieved to discover that when I called out, they all responded by sitting up. They were simply waiting for one of us from the outside to come and get them. Upon examining Judy’s head, we knew her outer wounds would heal. But one never knows about the turmoil that goes on inside.

We hugged one another and let the tears flow freely.

After the police had interviewed everyone, we were allowed to call family members to come and pick us up. When my husband came for me, I was still trembling and immediately crumpled into the safety of his arms. I couldn’t wait to leave, go home, and hug my kids.

Recovery from trauma is a process. Most of us were shaken up for quite some time after that ordeal and needed counseling. Some even quit their banking jobs to seek employment elsewhere. As for me, that moment in time would forever be etched in my memory.

Days after the incident, while on my lunch break at a fast-food chicken joint, an outraged customer began verbally attacking one of the employees over an incorrect order. My heart was pounding out of my chest, and my nerves felt like pins and needles. I left my food and hurried out the door.

Reflecting on it all, I realize you can be “busy as usual” with the mundane things in life, and at a moment’s notice your world can turn upside down.

Judy and I are still friends, more than thirty years after that day. Although she lives in Florida, she visits Texas about once a year, and we make time to catch up. Seeing her again this fall reminds me of what we went through that day and how grateful I am that our friendship has lasted long after we left our banking days.

Looking back, I’m thankful we made it through that frightening experience. I’m also reminded of how we sometimes discover strength we didn’t know we had, and how much the people who share those difficult moments with us can mean.

Judy & me, fall of 2026.
Some friendships outlast the hardest days.

Have you ever experienced an unexpected event that changed your perspective on life? If you’re comfortable sharing, I’d love to hear your story.

10 Comments

Filed under life's lessons, Personal Essays

Somewhere Between Summer and Winter

I suppose that’s where I find myself these days, somewhere between summer and winter.

I’m no longer the woman I was when life felt like an endless summer, when there was always another child to raise, another goal to chase, another hill to climb.

But I’m not ready for winter either.

Maybe that’s what October is trying to teach me. There is beauty in the season between seasons, just as there is beauty in every season of life.

We don’t always recognize that we’re entering a new season until we’re already there. Sometimes we spend so much time preparing for the next one that we forget to appreciate the one we’re actually living.

I’ve done that more times than I care to admit, looking ahead, wondering what was coming next, instead of pausing long enough to notice what was happening right in front of me.

Perhaps that’s what I’m learning now. I don’t have to have all the answers about what comes next. I don’t need to rush toward the next chapter simply because the current one is changing.

I can pause here.
I can look around.
I can be grateful.

Summer had its purpose. Winter will have its purpose, too. But October reminds me that this season deserves to be noticed, embraced, and lived fully, not just endured on the way to something else.

Maybe that’s why I find something comforting about the changing leaves. They don’t fight the change. They don’t cling to what they were. They simply let go when the time comes.

There is something beautiful about that kind of trust.

“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.” — Ecclesiastes 3:1 (NIV)

Somewhere between summer and winter, I think I’m learning that the in-between isn’t something to hurry through.

It is a season of its own.

And maybe, just maybe, it is one worth savoring.


13 Comments

Filed under Personal

And Then Came Monday

Some weeks seem to pile one thing on top of another. Last week was one of those weeks. It wasn’t one big thing, but a string of appointments that made it feel as though my body was keeping a calendar of its own, each one testing my limits.

Tuesday, I returned to my vascular doctor to begin another round of painful treatment for my legs. I knew what to expect, but knowing something is going to hurt doesn’t make it hurt any less.

Thursday was supposed to be simpler. I left work early for about four hours of dental work, or so I thought. It took six and a half hours in that chair, and I still have to go back.

By Friday, I was already running on empty, and that’s when I had an appointment with my urologist during my lunch break for yet another procedure, this one agonizing. When it was over, I learned that eventually, I was going to need surgery.

I was supposed to spend the entire weekend visiting with my great-granddaughter. But by Friday, I was in too much pain and discomfort to manage the whole weekend, so I ended up spending Saturday night instead. I was worn out by the time I left, but I was so glad I went. Some moments are worth the tiredness and discomfort.

By the end of the week, I was worn down in a way that’s hard to explain. I remember thinking, Okay, Lord. How much more? Somewhere in there, I had surrendered to it all. Not because I liked any of it or wanted it, but because it was simply what was in front of me.

Then.

Came.

Monday.

At 1:30 that morning, my husband woke me from a deep sleep. We didn’t know what was happening at first, only that something was wrong. We ended up in the ER, where doctors confirmed that he had suffered a heart attack.

Everything else got small in an instant. The treatments, the hours in the dental chair, the dreaded procedure, my surgery waiting somewhere ahead, all of it paled in comparison to the fear of losing him.

After they took my husband back for more tests and a medical heart procedure, I waited alone for an update, praying. When the nurse finally came out, she was holding his wedding band.

“Your husband had a full-blown heart attack.”

Then she handed me his ring.

His wedding ring!

A wave of dread washed over me. For a moment, I forgot to breathe.

She explained that the cardiologist had found a significant blockage in a major artery and inserted a stent. The procedure was successful, and after a stay in the ICU, he was moved into a regular room for observation.

Thank God. My husband made it through. I can’t tell you the relief I felt when I knew he was going to be okay.

Maybe there’s a lesson in a week like this one. We look at everything piling up and think, I can’t take one more thing. But maybe the point was never to be strong enough to handle it all. Maybe it’s simpler than that: remembering Who is carrying me through it, because we were never meant to carry everything by ourselves.

There’s still more ahead of me. Treatments to finish. Dental work still unresolved. A surgery waiting somewhere down the road. And now my husband has his own recovery to walk through.

Maybe we can be bent by what life brings without being broken by it.

But today, I’m choosing gratitude, not because everything is suddenly okay. It isn’t. I’m choosing gratitude because in the middle of a week that seemed determined to knock me down, God kept showing up anyway. In the doctor’s office. In the dental chair. In that agonizing procedure. And when my husband needed Him most.

“God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.” — Psalm 46:1

I’m deeply grateful to everyone who prayed for us that week. I felt them. I truly did. I’m also thankful for those who were able to visit him. There is something comforting about knowing people are lifting you and the people you love before God, especially when you don’t know what the next day will bring.

So much of tomorrow is still unknown. But as I look back on that week, I’m reminded of what I do know. My husband is here. He’s recovering. And I can breathe a little easier.

And for today, that’s enough.

Mi amor. Also known as “Papa Bear” to our 3-year-old great-granddaughter.

20 Comments

Filed under Faith, Life & Family

My Declaration of Dependence

Every Fourth of July, I look forward to the fireworks. There’s something about watching the night sky burst with color that never gets old. As a little girl, it was all about the excitement. As I’ve gotten older, it has become a reminder to pause and reflect on what freedom really means.

This year feels especially meaningful as our country celebrates 250 years of independence.

Like many Americans, I’m grateful for the freedoms we enjoy. But if life has taught me anything, it’s that there are chains no government can remove.

Fear.

Shame.

Bitterness.

Regret.

Those were the things that kept me captive far longer than I care to admit.

For years, I believed being strong meant handling everything on my own. Asking for help felt like weakness. Smiling through the pain seemed easier than admitting I was struggling. I carried burdens that were never mine to bear, convinced I could outrun my past if I just tried hard enough.

I couldn’t.

The greatest freedom I’ve ever experienced didn’t come from depending on myself. It came when I finally stopped pretending I had all the answers and placed my life in God’s hands.

That didn’t erase the painful chapters of my story. It didn’t rewrite my past. But it changed the way I carried it.

As I wrote in Running in Heels, healing isn’t about pretending the scars don’t exist. It’s about discovering that God’s grace is greater than the wounds we carry.

So while I’ll enjoy the hamburgers, watermelon, family laughter, and fireworks this Fourth of July, I’ll also be thanking God for another kind of freedom: the quiet, lasting freedom that comes from His love, His forgiveness, and His grace.

America’s founders signed a Declaration of Independence. Years ago, I made a declaration of my own. Not one of independence, but of dependence on God. It turned out to be the most freeing decision of my life.

Happy Independence Day, and may God continue to bless America.

Therefore, if the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed.
— John 8:36 (NKJV)

American flag on a mountain peak at sunrise with hikers walking along a rocky path

5 Comments

Filed under Faith, holiday

A Daughter’s Reflection on Fatherhood

On this Father’s Day, my heart keeps returning to a kind of fatherhood that doesn’t always match the perfect pictures people post.

My parents divorced when I was young. I was only five or six when it became final. Mama raised me on her own, and I saw my daddy during visits when he’d come get me. My stepmother was there too, and thankfully, very loving. Those times were special, even if they were short. I always looked forward to them.

I loved it when Daddy took me to the park. And I especially loved his stories.

“Tell me the one about the goat sucker in Puerto Rico,” I’d say, already smiling.

His eyes would light up. “¡Oh, sí!” he’d exclaim, slapping his thigh. “¡El Chupacabra! Dis thin’ went around to all the animales, suckin’ their blood dry.” Then he’d lower his voice, warning me to close the doors because “El Chupacabra is comin’ to suck your blood!”

I’d giggle and called him “muy loco,” but those silly, animated moments made me feel close to him.

As a little girl, I was sure I had the best daddy in the world, even though he wasn’t there every day. Of course, there were moments I wanted more. More time. More ordinary days. More closeness. That distance left a quiet ache I carried for years.

But looking back now, I can see the pieces he did give me. He made me feel like I mattered. He showed up when he could. And somehow, those moments stayed with me.

I used to focus so much on what was missing that I overlooked what was there. Healing, for me, began when I started holding onto those small, good things instead of only replaying the absence.

I also came to understand something deeper: God meets us in the gaps people leave behind. Where love felt inconsistent, God was steady. Where presence felt limited, He never was.

This Father’s Day, I’m choosing gratitude for what I was given instead of dwelling on what I wasn’t. Thank you, Daddy, for the hugs, the park visits, the laughter, the wild stories, and the love that found its way to me, even across distance. I appreciate you now in ways I couldn’t as a child.

To every daughter whose story includes distance, divorce, or a father who wasn’t there as much as she needed: your feelings are real. The longing doesn’t just disappear. But there is still something good worth holding on to, and healing is possible.

And to the fathers reading this, whether you’re biological, step, or simply doing your best to show up – please keep going! Even an imperfect presence leaves a mark.

From my heart to yours.

I’ve written many stories about my daddy. For more stories about Daddy, please visit https://maryaperez.com/2025/08/16/i-no-spic-inglish/ https://maryaperez.com/2021/06/30/my-heartbeat-part-i/ https://maryaperez.com/2025/11/11/when-memory-fades-love-remains/

Celebration of Daddy’s 90th

4 Comments

Filed under Father's Day Reflections, Personal Growth & Healing

Counting What Counts

Gratitude isn’t always loud.
Sometimes it shows up in quiet noticing.

Some mornings, I wake up, and my mind goes straight to what’s still broken. What’s still unresolved. What still hasn’t worked itself out.

And then something shifts.

Maybe it’s the coffee. Maybe it’s the light coming through the window at just the right angle. Or maybe it’s God gently pulling my attention back to what’s still good, still standing, still real.

I’m still here. And that alone is no small thing. That’s a gift.

“This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.” — Psalm 118:24

Not a perfect day. Not an easy one. But this day, with all its unfinished edges, still belongs to Him.

And that’s enough.

6 Comments

Filed under Christian Living

A Daughter’s Reflection

Mama:

She wasn’t the kind of woman people called strong.

She didn’t command a room or always make the wisest choices. She didn’t have the steady confidence I sometimes envied in other mothers.

My mama was flawed in ways that showed. Tender in places where life had been anything but gentle. And somehow, without either of us planning it, I became the strong one.

I stepped into that role way too young, long before I knew what it meant. A role never meant for a daughter, let alone a child. I became her steady ground. Her confidant. Her shield. And slowly, quietly, I started mothering my own mama.

I learned to read her eyes and knew when she was hurt or afraid. I carried feelings too heavy for a child to hold. I filled in gaps I didn’t even have words for yet. My childhood ended before it really got started.

And yet, it shaped me. It made me responsible. Watchful. Tougher than I wanted to be. But it also left me tired in ways I wouldn’t understand until years later.

Still … she was my mama. And I loved her. We all did.

Love doesn’t always grow where it’s supposed to. Sometimes it pushes through the hardest places and blooms anyway. Because God knows how to make something beautiful out of what’s been broken. Mama may not have modeled the kind of strength others admire. But she gave me something deeper without meaning to: space to find my own strength. I learned to recognize fragility up close. A kind of empathy I had to discover on my own. And grit, because someone had to hold the line. And when mine ran out, I learned to lean on God.

Loving a parent who couldn’t fully be there for you is a tender, kind of tangled ache. It isn’t resentment or blame. It’s a quiet knowing. I always knew she loved me, and she knew I loved her. And I believe she did the best she could with what she had. Even if what she had fell short. What she couldn’t give, God supplied. He filled the gaps with His grace, His presence, and the way He kept showing up for me.

Mama had six of us. She was ours—flawed, fragile, human, and deeply loved. She wasn’t perfect, and neither was I. But we were perfect for each other.

Missing her today reminds me that even fragile love can grow into something good in God’s hands. What she couldn’t give, God provided. It didn’t happen overnight. In the places that felt unfinished, God planted healing, resilience, and a deeper faith. I wouldn’t know this kind of faith without that journey.

It may not be everyone’s story. But it’s mine. And it shaped me.

If you’re missing someone complicated and imperfect today, I hope you feel seen. Love doesn’t have to be flawless to shape us.

I’m missing my mama today.

Happy Mother’s Day, Mama. I’m still here because of you—

carrying the grit you placed in me,

held by God’s grace,

with a heart full of memories.

11 Comments

Filed under Mother's Day, motherhood, Parentification

Birthday Blessing for my Son

My precious son, today on your birthday, I lift you up with gratitude and faith. I am thankful for who you are. I am just as grateful for who you are becoming. I’ve watched you grow in ways that still amaze me. You have learned strength not by pretending you have none, but by recognizing your weaknesses and facing them anyway!

Lord, thank You for making him brave enough to face his giants. Thank You for helping him stand firm in daily challenges with integrity. Help him walk in humility and grace, especially in moments of victory.

May his wishes be matched with effort, his goals be high, and his heart stay clear.
I pray he continues to master himself even as he seeks to lead others.

May he always carry a joyful spirit, one that knows when to laugh freely and when it’s okay to weep.

Let love guide his steps, faith steady his heart, and grace remain his constant companion.

Happy Birthday, my beloved son.

I still remember the little boy who used to look up at me.

Now I’m the one looking up at the man you’ve become.

Walk forward with courage, grit, and above all, grace.

Love you.

As Scripture promises: “For I know the plans I have for you… plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” – Jeremiah 29:11.


7 Comments

Filed under birthday blessings, son