Tag Archives: psychology

September 6, 2025 · 5:00 AM

Understanding Co-dependency: A Path to Healing

Co-dependent. Such a complex word.

Have you ever realized how wrong you were in trying to do right?

My former husband was in love with himself. His needs, desires, and wants came before all else. I thought I’d make him happy if I did everything he wanted. I believed I needed to agree with his every comment. I thought fulfilling his every wish was the only way to gain some measure of sanity. I tried making peace by letting him have his way with me. I hoped this would make him show me tenderness. Then, he’d show me love. Surely, he’d prefer me over his need for others—hobbies, friends, or conquests.

But I was merely fooling myself.

I received no respect, and he continued his ill-treatment toward me. Silently, I resented what he was doing to me, but not enough to do anything different. I was allowing the offenses. This meant I was giving him permission to continue doing me wrong. It was as if I had signed away all my rights and life. I was slowly dying inside. I felt undone and unloved, with low self-esteem and zero self-worth. I felt lonelier with him than without him. Yet I still wanted him around. I yearned for his approval and acceptance. I lived in constant fear of him. I also feared losing him.

We think we will find peace and tranquility if we can control our environment. But in reality, serenity is often miles away. You have a false sense of peace, and trust me when I say it isn’t lasting. And oh, the price it comes with!

I’m no psychologist, nor am I a psychiatrist. But, I also believe there is another side to this spectrum. Sometimes, a person can love deeply. They’ll do everything for the other. This behavior often stagnates and handicaps the loved one from taking care of themselves. That person then becomes dependent on you for their needs and outlook. They are hindered from growth and maturity in making wise decisions or choices. They are emotionally immature and can stay psychologically traumatized.

For example, in the situation with my mom. From her childhood, Mama was an introvert and extremely shy. Grandma loved her so much that she felt sorry for her. She tended to overcompensate in trying to help Mama by doing everything for her. Mama naturally depended on others to do things for her throughout her years. Then, in my early childhood days, I looked out for Mama. I did everything I knew to do to protect her. Most of the time, my help was unwarranted. She sought and relied on her significant others to fulfill that need.

Co-dependency can be a vicious circle. If left untreated, it can fester like a chronic wound in a relationship. This is especially true in a relationship that refuses to heal. Both individuals struggle with low self-worth. They have difficulty setting boundaries, and the relationship involves control and manipulation.

Here are some examples of what it means to be co-dependent:

• The need to be needed
• People pleasing
• Trying to control others (aggressively or passively)
• Focusing on helping others before working on your own issues
• Being consumed with other people’s problems
• Rescuing
• Self-doubt
• Unclear boundaries in friendships and relationships
• The tendency to date (or marry) alcoholics or addicts
• Perfectionism
• Workaholism (or always being busy)
• Exhaustion

Let’s break the cycle!

Your turn. What does co-dependency mean to you?

8 Comments

Filed under Behavior, Co-dependent, Relationships

Tagged as boundaries, co-dependency, growth, mental awareness, narcissist, overcoming, pathological behavior, psychology, reclaim your life, recovery, relationship, self-esteem, toxic relationship, trauma

July 12, 2025 · 6:28 AM

Damaged Goods

Definition of damaged goods: inadequate or impaired. Products that are broken, cracked, scratched, etc.: a person considered no longer desirable or valuable because of something that has happened. This is a person whose reputation is damaged.

Are you damaged goods? Feel like you’re not worthy?

You don’t have to remain that way, regardless of your past, or present.

Was that ever me?

You betcha!

Read on …

Hollow. Pure loneliness. Dark, like a bottomless pit. Ripping in my chest. Piercing my heart. Again, he stays out all night. Overcome by torment. Abandonment accompanies me. Consumed with depression, isolation wraps itself around me. My mind races with wild imaginations of where he has gone, what he is doing, and with whom.

Instead of going to bed to sleep, I am wearing a hole in the couch. Every time a car approaches, I spring like a jack-in-the-box, peeking out the window, hoping he has returned. With every disappointment, my stomach turns into knots. My own sobs mock me until I cry myself to semi-consciousness. Hideous lies will follow after he returns and add to my anguish and emotional decline.

Broken. Flawed. Undone.

That was me back then, dealing with my former (cheating) husband. His words, like rubbing alcohol pouring over fresh wounds, stung! No band-aids healed my emotional pain. No quick fixes. Deeper and deeper I sank into a dark abyss, crushed beyond repair. For several years, that was my pathetic frame of mind. I know now it didn’t have to be that way. So, what was the deal?

I had an overload of abuse: physical, verbal, and emotional. I had low self-esteem and zero self-worth. I believed and accepted a lie about me and my situation. I figured since this was my lot in life, might as well make the best of it. I had witnessed my mom go through a cycle of abuse, but I was obviously blind to my own. I made him mad again … Maybe I deserved it … Talk about co-dependency!

How do you perceive yourself? Have you ever been lied to, beaten down, and trodden upon? Feel like you’ll never come up for air? Are you tired of stumbling around in blindness, things so bleak you can’t even see your own self-worth? Drowning in sorrow, buried in self-pity? Or maybe you feel you’re at the point of no return in trying to please someone else. You compromise your values, your mental state, your resources, and your health!

Stop allowing someone’s negativity or ill-treatment to rob you of your joy and develop a callous heart. Realize you are worthy. You are valued and matter. There’s nothing wrong with being fragile … but let it be like beautiful, fine china. Just know you are not damaged goods, a throwaway, or a faded memory. Don’t be someone’s victim because you listened to their lies and empty promises. I’m living proof that God doesn’t discard what He’s determined to restore.

Get up! Rediscover yourself. Feel your wrist. What is that? A pulse? Then you have a purpose! Allow the Master’s hand to reach down and set you in high places. He’ll wipe the tears and dust the soot from off your heart. If God got me out of the pit, He can get you out, too. It takes a made-up mind. A determination that today is the best day of the rest of your life.

What’s in your hands? What’s in your heart? A dream? A gift? A precious child? You have something worth fighting for. Choose your battles.

If you don’t know my pain, you’ll never understand my praise.

https://gofund.me/3f5e598b

9 Comments

Filed under psychology

Tagged as abuse, Alabaster Box, battles, Cece Winans, co-dependency, emotional pain, healing, hope, inner strength, life, mental-health, Musing, psychology, purpose, trauma, victim or victor, worthiness

July 29, 2015 · 1:00 AM

UnMasked

Photo Credit: justposhmasks.com

All through my life, I’ve dealt with feelings of low self-esteem and self-worth. I felt undone, incomplete, or insignificant. Along the way, I realized this stemmed from my childhood. I did not ask for it. I certainly did not want it. But with an undeniably painful past and a seemingly questionable future, I muddled through life. I thought a man could save me, but he only tried to create me in his own image! I became his shadow, even worshiped the ground he walked on, subservient to his every whim. I was truly lost, with no identity, no voice, no me. Yet I held on, not wanting to lose him. This, by the way, is a perfect example of insecurity: the more easily threatened we are, the more insecure we are.

Beth Moore says, “Insecurity lives in constant terror of loss.” As I’ve mentioned before, I’ve been reading Beth Moore’s So Long, Insecurity with the subtitle You’ve Been a Bad Friend to Us. How I wish she had written this book 40 years ago! She says, “Insecurity is not only a woman’s battle.” She identifies insecurity as a “profound sense of self-doubt – a deep feeling of uncertainty about our basic worth and our place in the world. The insecure man or woman lives in constant fear of rejection and deep uncertainty about whether his or her own feelings and desires are legitimate.”

I thought about myself as a Christian, why, from time to time, do I still struggle with insecurities? Why does rejection crush me so? Why do I second-guess everything? Beth reveals an interesting point about herself in her book: “I not only lack security, I also lack faith. I don’t just doubt myself, I also doubt God about myself.

Now I don’t know about you, but that struck a chord in me!

She goes on to say how some of us never seek healing from God for our insecurities because we feel like we don’t fit the profile. But insecurity’s best cover is perfectionism. Now there’s a mask for you!

A person who has no self-worth or a low self-esteem

tends to hide behind a mask.

Note: Here’s a thought-provoking poem I came across: Don’t Be Fooled By Me

What masks are you prone to wear? Looking back, I recall hiding the pain behind my smile…

Don’t try to be somebody you’re not. No one is perfect. It’s okay to let your guard down. We will face difficult and troubling times. Just remember, God loves us just the way we are; He loves us too much to leave us that way.

6 Comments

Filed under Beth Moore, insecurities, Masks

Tagged as Beth Moore, Charles C. Finn, Christianity, insecurities, personal, practical, psychology, rejection, self-doubt, struggles

Image

UnMask

All throughout my life, I’ve dealt with feelings of low self-esteem and self-worth. I felt undone, incomplete, or insignificant. Along the way, I realized this stemmed from my childhood. I did not ask for it. I certainly did not want it. But with an undeniably painful past and a seemingly questionable future, I muddled through life. I thought a man could save me, but he only tried to make me into his own image! I became his shadow, worshiped the ground he walked on, and was subservient to his every whim. I was truly lost, with no identity, no voice, no me. Yet I held on, not wanting to lose him then. By the way, that’s a perfect example of insecurity: the more easily threatened we are, the more insecure we are.

Beth Moore says, “Insecurity lives in constant terror of loss.” As I’ve mentioned before, I’ve been reading Beth Moore’s So Long, Insecurity with the subtitle You’ve Been a Bad Friend to Us. Wish she had written this book 40 years ago! She says that insecurity is not only a woman’s battle. She identifies insecurity as a “profound sense of self-doubt – a deep feeling of uncertainty about our basic worth and our place in the world. The insecure man or woman lives in constant fear of rejection and deep uncertainty about whether his or her own feelings and desires are legitimate.”

I thought about myself as a Christian. Why, from time to time, do I still struggle with insecurities? Why does rejection crush me so? Why do I second-guess everything? Beth reveals an interesting point about herself in her book: “I not only lack security, but I also lack faith. I don’t just doubt myself, I also doubt God about myself.

Now I don’t know about you, but that struck a chord in me!

What masks are you prone to wear? Looking back, I recall hiding the pain behind my smile.

A woman who has no self-worth or low self-esteem tends to hide behind a mask.

Note: Here’s a poem I came across: Don’t Be Fooled By Me

6 Comments

July 6, 2014 · 6:30 PM

June 18, 2014 · 11:16 PM

Did You Say, “Insecurities”?

So, I’m reading Beth Moore’s So Long, Insecurity. I’m not even past chapter four yet, and find myself re-reading and digesting the words on the pages. She states in her book that we all have insecurities, and most have enough insecurity to hinder us. As I reflect on whether I’ve ever felt insecure, I’m sad to admit that I’m well-acquainted with insecurity.

Beth Moore ties insecurity to a profound sense of self-doubt. Ouch! However, I think I already knew this. How many times have I determined to do something, only to change my mind? How often have I started a task only to lack the courage to move forward? My palms get clammy. My confidence deflates. My resolve wavers. My bravado crumbles. I bet I’m not the only one who struggles with this!

I’m a common woman sharing common problems seeking common solutions on a journey with an uncommon Savior.

The word rejection is also mentioned in the book, and that brings me to ask: Well, who in the world likes to be rejected? To the point where I sometimes think, if you reject me, I’ll go out of my way to prove you wrong—sometimes—despite my own hurt, creating my own misery. I can honestly say, I know my own flaws, or at least I’d like to think so. But the astonishing thing for me is reading what an insecure woman looks like:

She may easily cry, avoid the spotlight, and have a strong desire to make amends, whether it’s her fault or not. If someone gets angry at her, she has a difficult time not thinking or dwelling on it. The insecure woman sometimes feels anxious for no apparent reason; her feelings get hurt when she learns someone doesn’t like her, and she may even fear that her husband might leave her for another.

Talk about a lack of self-worth!

Well, I asked my husband what insecurities he saw in me. (Because after all, I know I have some.) And this is what he answered: The big one is when you feel like you’re not in control. Not having a say in something, and having a tendency to micro-manage. He said this goes back to my early years when others told me what to do and when to do it. What an eye-opener! While this was true during my childhood, it was also true in my first marriage.

Before I became a Christian, I struggled with insecurities, and now as a Christian, I still struggle at times. I learned a long time ago that I’m not perfect, but I’m forgiven. I’ve opened myself up to sharing some of these truths with you because I know they are life’s lessons. I’m still learning, and if there’s a pulse and breath in your being, then you are still learning, too. No one on this earth is perfect or has arrived. I’ve determined to work on my insecurities.

How about you?