All through my life, I’ve dealt with feelings of low self-esteem and self-worth. I felt undone, incomplete, or insignificant. Along the way, I realized this stemmed from my childhood. I did not ask for it. I certainly did not want it. But with an undeniably painful past and a seemingly questionable future, I muddled through life. I thought a man could save me, but he only tried to create me in his own image! I became his shadow, even worshiped the ground he walked on, subservient to his every whim. I was truly lost, with no identity, no voice – no me. Yet I held on, not wanting to lose him. This, by the way, is a perfect example of insecurity: the more easily threatened we are, the more insecure we are.
Beth Moore says: “Insecurity lives in constant terror of loss.” As I’ve mentioned before, I’ve been reading Beth Moore’s So Long, Insecurity with the subtitle You’ve Been a Bad Friend to Us. How I wish she wrote this book 40 years ago! She says, “Insecurity is not only a woman’s battle.” She identifies insecurity as a “profound sense of self-doubt – a deep feeling of uncertainty about our basic worth and our place in the world. The insecure man or woman lives in constant fear of rejection and deep uncertainty about whether his or her own feelings and desires are legitimate.”
I thought about myself as a Christian, why from time to time do I still struggle with insecurities? Why does rejection crush me so? Why do I second-guess everything? Beth reveals an interesting point about herself in her book: “I not only lack security, I also lack faith. I don’t just doubt myself, I also doubt God about myself.
Now I don’t know about you, but that struck a chord in me!
She goes on to say how some of us never seek healing from God for our insecurities because we feel like we don’t fit the profile. But insecurity’s best cover is perfectionism. Now there’s a mask for you!
A person who has no self-worth or a low self-esteem
tends to hide behind a mask.
Note: Here’s a thought-provoking poem I came across: Don’t Be Fooled By Me
What masks are you prone to wear? Looking back, I recall hiding the pain behind my smile…
Don’t try to be somebody you’re not, no one is perfect. It’s okay to let your guard down. We will face difficult and troubling times. Just remember God loves us just the way we are; He loves us too much to leave us that way.
6 responses to “UnMasked”
Great post Mary. I write about these issues in my book too. It seems we’ve shared similar feelings growing up, no wonder we connected. 🙂 And yes, I can’t wait to read your book! 🙂
Hey, that’s wonderful, Debbie! You know I’ll be getting around to reading yours as well.
I liked the poem. I LOVED the post. Beth Moore is such a great writer. She gets to the meat of a subject and plows her way through with great new insights. I did a study of Deuteronomy in her presence about 2 years ago. 6 nights of study. The first night, I’d hear this really weird whirring sound, like birds’ wings beating. I couldn’t figure it out. The next week, in the second week of our study, I figured it out. It was the sound of hundreds of women flipping through their Bibles. That jazzed me up as much as she did. For the following weeks, I looked forward to that sound. I’ve done several studies with her on video and that one in person. She always seems to know what we need.
What a great piece for me to read this morning!!! Your words struck a chord with me; I’ve been actively wrestling with this very issue for several days. The love and care I received from my mother was always “less than” and I feel Insignificant to her. Other people wouldn’t see this in me-I’m confident, poised, and successful–but there’s always the ounce of insecurity lurking inside. Thank you for sharing your life so that others of us know we’re not alone in our thoughts.
Debbie, one of my greatest challenges was learning to accept and love my mother for who she is. I too, developed a lot of insecurities stemming from childhood, and felt stunted and took forever to blossom. If I’m to be truthful, I fight some type of insecurities daily. I’ve learned to manage challenges as they come and some days are better than others. This is part of life and I thank God, I’m not the person I once was. Thank you for sharing your heart after you read my post this morning. So glad it touched you where you needed it most.