Some messages are meant to be heard. This one poured out of me, and I wanted to share it with you in my own voice. May it meet you where you are ~
As I journey along the way, I have come to realize that I need you. I learn, grow, and I am encouraged by you! You see, there was a period when I was hurting so much I didn’t have time for you. I was too wrapped up in my own little sad state of affairs to consider you. And why not? I was led to believe that I was insignificant, damaged goods, a toss-away. In my bleeding heart, what could I have contributed to you anyway? Why would anyone listen to anything I had to offer? Inside, I was frail, weak, and torn. I felt lonely. I was a mess!
But that was then. This is now: I thrive in hearing you say that I’ve helped you. I am comforted knowing I have made a difference. It could be through a deed—a spoken word, a smile, a written word, or a touch.
Thank you for allowing me to be me and for going on this incredible journey with me. You walked with me in my brokenness and pain. You rooted for me during my shame. You cheered for me because I emerged sane!
I have an endless hope, not a hopeless end!
My messes became my message. My life of peril turned into a life of promise. Through it all, I have gained an astonishing insight. I know that I’m somebody. I have a bright future. I have a purpose. I am needed and loved.
God hasn’t given up on you, so don’t you dare give up on Him. God loves you, and I do, too.
“For in Him we live, and move, and have our being.”
Acts 17:28
If this message spoke to you, I’d love to hear from you. Leave a comment, share it with a friend, or let me know how you’re finding hope in your own journey. God bless!
Have you ever been excited about something and had somebody you love and admire shoot it down? Let me tell you, it stings. It bites. It deflates you, doesn’t it? Yeah, but don’t allow anyone to steal your dream!
They may have meant well, but they couldn’t see what you envisioned. They didn’t grasp your concept or idea. Then what? Your resolve wavers, and your hard work and steadfastness quake.
So what do you do? Do you throw in the towel and just give up? No, for crying out loud! Perseverance is a virtue. Where’s your stick-to-it-iveness? You have it. Haven’t you burned the midnight oil long enough to come this far? Okay, so maybe they didn’t get it. Time to regroup; dig a little deeper. Re-examine your goal and ask yourself what it is that you feel. What is the message that you’re trying to convey?
I tend to say a prayer. I ask God to continue guiding me. I want to express the message closest to my heart and share it with others. Listen, I’ve come too far to give up! And so have you! Sure, it may be a little scary, but so what? Acronym of FEAR: Face Everything and Run, or Face Everything and Rise. I chose the latter.
I know this is not always the case. At times, it does a body good to cry and let out emotions. Yes, I, too, have meltdowns on occasion. But if you can stick to your goal, do all you know to do with unmatched determination. When oppositions come (and they usually will), you won’t easily break. Time to reflect is all. Plant where you’re rooted. Bend like a palm tree, change directions if you must. If you feel you are to do a thing, whether people get you or not, stay the course. Don’t let others defeat you with their words or the looks on their faces! What am I saying? Face your giant! (But don’t forget your slingshot.)
BE encouraged.
“Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead!”
“Count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.” ~ James 1:2-4 KJV
Donny was still in the VA Hospital for alcohol abuse. During that time, a wonderful family of five often invited the children and me to their home. Susan and I knew each other from church. She had such a bubbly personality, and I was instantly drawn to her. Her husband, Fred, born and raised in Germany, had a dry sense of humor but made me feel comfortable. After Donny completed treatment, they invited us over for dinner. Our husbands got to finally meet. We shared a delicious meal at the dinner table. The men engaged in small talk. I marveled in silence, taking it all in.
My husband back then was the pursuer. He continually sought Fred’s company. He offered his help with any home repairs and carpentry projects. Those two quickly hit it off and talked to each other freely. They spent most weekends on Fred’s aluminum boat fishing or hanging out at his lake house. They knew the struggles of alcohol and often shared stories about the victories and failures during their alone time. They discussed work, God, and family matters. Sometimes they simply shared a comfortable silence. Their understanding and respect for each other grew.
Friendships blossomed.
Bonds strengthened.
We wives were pleased. Susan and I often shared laughter mingled with tears as we prayed for our husbands, our children, and our community. We shared a common goal: We wanted so much more unity in our home. We celebrated as our families shared meals, barbecues, beach outings, and attended church activities together. Just like family.
Years later, Susan was there for me during abandonment and a painful but necessary divorce. I eventually picked up the pieces of my life. I found renewed love with Mark. He soon became my faithful husband, my second chance at love and happiness. As time passed, some 30 years later, Susan fell ill. Her family asked me to prepare a eulogy for her on their behalf, something I had NEVER done before. Here is that story: https://maryaperez.com/2015/12/23/so-long-for-now/
Have your emotions ever run amuck? Without warning or preparation, it hits you between the eyes (or as in my case, the tear gland).
Allow me to share some recent experiences with you.
A friend of mine shared a music video with me. I turned it up to listen as I drove home. I was reminded of the goodness of the Lord. It wasn’t about me, it was all about Him. Suddenly, my heart was elated. I couldn’t help but rejoice in the God whom I serve! I was able to focus on the Lord in Who He is, and all He has done in my life. My spirit was lifted; my heart lightened. What a refreshing moment!
“The joy of the Lord is my strength.” (Nehemiah 8:10)
Well, last week was a bit rough for me in a technical sense. I am not very tech savvy. My internet was acting up. It affected my phone line and prevented me from doing my job satisfactorily. It was finally fixed, but not soon enough for my taste! The frustrations built from within, and I felt defeated. Once I left the office, the damn had burst. I cried. And prayed.
“You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle.” (Psalms 56:8)
The other day I arrived home from work. My husband told me to check out the progress of the repairs he’d been doing in the front room. I went in there, looked around, and yep, you guessed it, started crying! I was pleasantly surprised because, after so much construction mess, I could finally see the light. I saw how it was going to look once painted! My heart was filled with gratitude and thanksgiving. Yes, I had a moment! I stayed there a while. The funny thing is that I went to my husband. He looked at me and instantly grew concerned. He asked what was wrong and what had happened. My daughter also saw me and jumped up, thinking something had happened! But these were tears of joy … and it all sprung up and surprised me as well.
There’s a time and season for everything. In the good, praise God! In the bad when things are rough, praise God!
“A time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance” (Ecclesiastes 3:4).
Reflecting can be a good thing. Last year, on Thanksgiving Day, I remember feeling sad and a bit irritated. The reason: we were not able to have our regular holiday family gathering due to the COVID-19 pandemic restrictions. My emotions floundered all over the place. I did my best to focus on the positive. I even wrote this message to my family and friends:
To be honest, I’ve been bummed out for a couple of days. I will miss our traditional family Thanksgiving Day celebration at home. It has always filled my heart with so much joy. Instead, I must choose to focus on what I have. I will count my blessings. I give thanks and glory to God for all in my life!
Even on my worst days, He loves me! I have known Him in the valley and on the mountaintops. While I love being on the mountaintops, trudging in the valleys was where I grew closest to my Lord. I learned that the God on the mountain is still God in the valleys.
I am thankful He has given me health, provision, and shelter. He has also given me a loving husband, a beautiful family, and wonderful friends. He has made many dreams come to fruition.
I am a work in progress. Thank you, Lord, for not having given up on me. I know You’re not finished with any of us yet.
HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO ALL MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS!!!
“In everything give thanks, for this is the will of God for you in Christ Jesus.” 1 Thess 5:18
Jump over to the present:
I am happy to report that this Thanksgiving holiday was special in many ways. Yes, I am genuinely grateful for my loved ones. I glanced around the table as we celebrated the holiday with prayer, food, and fellowship. I caressed my eyes over each face representing my family. And I realized: Mary, you’re not alone anymore. You see, as a kid growing up, I once felt alone and rejected. In fact, I often felt insignificant, always on the outside looking in. I had many insecurities and felt much like a second-class citizen. It took many years into my adulthood to experience inner healing. I finally received a breakthrough in my personal life. I decided to put my story to pen and paper. Then I published my book, “Running in Heels: A Memoir of Grit and Grace.”
Thanks to my youngest daughter’s prompting, we did something different this year. We each held a strip of paper with questions, taking turns reading aloud and then answering the questions. This was epic because the questions prompted us to dig deep and share heartfelt answers.
As I listened to the different ones share, I felt immense gratitude. My heart was full upon hearing my children speak over me. I wasn’t prepared for this raw reaction, nor was I prepared for what I would say when my turn came. I found that I could share my heart with thankfulness and humility. I blessed each of my children and grandchildren, expressing to them what I appreciated about them. I blessed my husband for being the man that he is. I also blessed him for accepting somebody else’s children. He stepped up to the plate, another man left on the table. And finally, I turned to my mama. I expressed my undying love for her. Our relationship is complex, regardless. I also asked her for forgiveness for getting short-tempered with her. I assured her that I will always be her little girl.
We are all flawed, but we can rise above stinking thinking and look beyond ourselves. Look at others, really see them, and love them. I thank the Lord for making all things new—His mercies are new every morning!
Thanksgiving 2021
“Family is the best thing you can ever wish for. They are there for you during the ups and downs and love you no matter what.”
“A mother is she who can take the place of all others but whose place no one else can take.”
“The best time for new beginnings is now. Thank you Lord, for new beginnings.”
“Let’s be thankful together. Other things may change us, but we start and end with the family.”
“So, there is this boy he kinda stole my heart- he calls me ‘Mimi.'”
“Granddaughters are angels sent from above to fill our hearts with never ending love.”
“Always remember whose daughter you are. Stand tall and straighten your crown.”
“Happy Birthday to my beautiful eldest daughter, more like a sister to me.”
“It was a special night for me in Sugar Land, TX, while visiting with sis, I got to see my Special friend, and my favorite Author, of my favorite book! Mary A. Pérez, the author of my favorite book, “Running in Heels: A Memoir of Grit and Grace.” Mary Ann is definitely my hero! I know one day this will be made into a movie.
While reading this book, there was not an emotion I didn’t feel. But the best part of all ~ It has a beautiful and happy ending!” ~ Rhonda Irvin
Note by Author: Such a joyous moment. What can I add but to say: It does my heart good, knowing that my story – flaws and all – has blessed another. I shared my memoir that others may know that there is help for the helpless, hope for the hopeless, and forgiveness for the inexcusable. Contrary to popular belief, your past does not define your future. With God, ALL things are possible! In Him we live, move and have our being!
Hurricane Cleo struck Miami with 100-mile-per-hour winds in late August 1964. Fallen branches and debris flew across the yard. The pelting rain rattled against our old wooden door and the thin, sheet glass-pane windows.
My stepdad, Jimmy placed a dresser against the front door to our efficiency apartment to keep it from flying open. Mama and I hunkered down in the dark bathroom like cornered animals. I sat on the floor with my knees pulled up. I covered my ears with my hands. I tried to drown out the deafening gusts of wind. My mama’s panicking cries also filled the air.
In the same instant that I closed my eyes, thoughts tumbled through my mind. I thought, Gosh, today is my birthday. I am five years old. Mama said I’m a ‘big girl’ now.
In the year 1969, a powerful storm struck ten days before my tenth birthday. It was the second most intense hurricane on record to hit the United States. Hurricane Camille, a Category 5, had all of South Florida feeling her wrath.
My step-daddy, Mama, and I took shelter in the gymnasium of Miami Edison High School. Many people talked in loud voices. Confused and frightened children fussed and cried. They clung to their mama’s skirts and their daddy’s necks to ride out the storm.
I sat on a floor mat, glancing around. I clutched my raggedy doll and our meager chow in a sack. Inside, there was a single loaf of Wonder Bread and a jar of Welch’s Grape Jelly. When My step-daddy suggested that I offer some to another girl close by, I recoiled. You see, even in normal times, sharing food wasn’t so easy for me.
Comfort and tranquility were as far away from me as the moon. They blew past like shingles from the roofs of so many homes. Those homes felt Camille’s fury.
The above are excerpts of my memoir. Even after all these years later, I still get a bit skittish during rainstorms, let alone hurricanes. Me no like, and as you can see, have never liked them.
Currently, the National Hurricane Center forecast are saying–not one but–two storms are brewing in the Gulf of Mexico! What if they collide with each other and spin around each other, becoming one? This Texas Two-Step is known as a Fujiwhara effect. Go figure!
My heart and prayers go out to all those affected by these storms; whatever type of storm they may be: sickness, trials, trouble, distress, turmoil, heartache or pressure. This is not easy for everyone–me included–but may I encourage you to allow God to give you peace in the midst of the storms.
I am reminded what scripture says: Isaiah 26:3-4: “Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You; because he trusts in You. Trust in the Lord forever: for in the Lord Jehovah is everlasting strength.”
On a daily basis, we find ourselves navigating uncharted waters due to the COVID-19 pandemic. My household and family members are taking the necessary precautions to ensure safety all around. We are also caring for my elderly Mama at our home and desire to keep her in the best of health possible.
So, here we are, staying at home and locked-down. I believe it is day number 14. Today is April 6th, our wedding anniversary. Usually, my hubby treats me to a romantic evening of wining and dining. Well, I’m here to tell you, he did not disappoint.
Our meal, under the stars, consisted of a well-prepared tossed salad, mouth-watering rib-eyes, sautéed mushrooms, and buttery baked potatoes – all done to perfection by my hubby. As the music played softly in the background, after our delicious meal, we even danced to a couple of songs (out on the driveway).
This is definitely one for the books!
I came across a short article on staying positive during COVID-19 pandemic and here are three points from psychologist Joshua Williams. He suggested:
Take a break
You don’t have to watch, read or talk about COVID-19 all day. It’s important to stay informed but not consumed.
Make time to unwind
Pick up an old hobby. Start a new one. Just do something you enjoy.
Take care of yourself
Mind, body, and soul. Take a walk. Listen to music. Read something uplifting. Try to eat healthy, well-balanced meals, exercise regularly, get plenty of sleep, and avoid alcohol and drugs.
Good stuff. I will add, remain mindful of others. Pray for those who are hurting and if possible, extend a helping hand, even if from a distance.
While it is true that experts are saying we don’t know what the future holds, how about focusing on the todays instead? Focus on all that Almighty God has brought you out of in the past. Take one day at a time. Determination to make the best out of any situation is the key.
Let. Go. Of. Fear.
Be aware and remain updated, but don’t overkill. Believe me when I say how fear can grasp your heart if you dwell on the negatives! Instead, go for a walk, lay out in the sun, ride a bike, read that book (have you read my memoir?), clean out your closet, garage, and the weeds in your garden. Organize those drawers, closet pantries, and photo albums. Learn a new hobby or try a new recipe.
Brokenhearted . . .
How can I bear the pain?
So many plans . . . permanently interrupted.
So many dreams . . . shattered.
Hopes . . . dashed.
All gone.
Why?
Why this?
Why us? Why me?
Helplessness . . . hopelessness . . .
Life will never be the same again.
Is it even worth living?
Where are you, God?
I’m right here beside you, my child.
Even though you may not feel my presence,
I’m holding you close under the shadow of my wings.
I will walk with you through this dark night.
Do not shrink from weeping.
I gave you tears for emotional release.
Don’t try to hide your grief.
Let it become for you a source of healing,
A process of restoration,
For I have planned it so.
Those who mourn shall be blessed.
I’ll be holding on to you,
Even when you feel you can’t hold on to me.
Seek my face, child of mine.
Receive my promise, impossible as it may seem now,
That joy will come in the morning.
It may take much time,
But I will heal your broken heart.
I know the night seems endless,
but MORNING WILL COME.
I have promised.
–From the Haven of Rest Newsletter
Note: I came across the above poem some time ago, and wanted to share it with my readers. So many times we can’t see the light because of so much fear, darkness, despair, grief, and pain. We wonder how long? How much more? When will it end? God, are you really there? Friends, please know that as long as you have a pulse, there is a purpose. As long as you have breath, there is hope. And as long as you’re in your right mind, there are possibilities. Under the shadow of His wings, stay the course. One day at a time. Full speed ahead!
Weeping may endure for the night, but joy comes in the morning.
EASTER IS AROUND THE CORNER – THAT HASN’T BEEN CANCELLED.
I just celebrated another birthday. As I mature, although not always pain-free, I am thankful to God for my health and for surrounding me with great friends and loved ones. My family continues to grow as my son recently married and I embrace my new daughter-in-love. I know in God’s perfect timing, a new little addition will be added…ah yeah!
Mostly, I am thankful to the Lord for restoring unto me the years the locust had eaten. For those of you who don’t know my story, I was once a neglected and lonely little girl. Life didn’t become easier for me as a teenager, and when I thought I had met my Prince Charming, I imagined he would whisk me away into a happily ever after. He hadn’t sown all his wild oats. He was an abusive man twice my age. Before I knew it, I felt trapped and was a 22-year-old with 4 children, the oldest then only 5 years old!
So yeah, I endured some hardships, but I learned a lot of lessons along the way. I am stronger today because of them. No matter what life has dealt me, I have always strived to become better instead of bitter. I believe we can turn stumbling blocks of defeat and difficulties into stepping stones of purpose and peace. I came across a quote that said: “Pain is inevitable, but misery is optional.” Let that sink in. Some of us remain miserable all our lives. I don’t want to be that person, do you?
Take one day at a time. No grit, no pearl. If you have a pulse, you have a purpose! Hold onto faith and keep on smiling. Have a grateful heart. Be thankful for the little things. Believe the best is yet to come. You ain’t seen nothing yet!
The Spanish translation of Running in Heels is complete—but the journey isn’t over. This memoir of grit and grace is being prepared for publication in Spanish, to reach hearts across cultures and generations. From family setbacks to divine provision, every step has been a testimony.
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From Heart to Heritage
Reflections From the Heart 