Reflections From the Heart

August 21, 2023 · 10:26 PM

Full Circle

“Grief is like the ocean; it comes in waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.” Vicki Harrison

She was weak, frail, with no appetite. I prayed that Mama would make it to Mother’s Day. She did and left us at 3 pm on that very day! I believe she truly received the best gift possible. She no longer has any pain or discomfort. She doesn’t have to worry about anything or anyone else.

I had told her that I would, and I did. Three months had passed. With my immediate family, I took some of Mama’s remains to bury. We placed them alongside her parents, my grandparents. We also buried her next to my baby sister. She was tragically struck down by a hit-and-run driver at the tender age of two, some 55 years ago.

Everyone expresses life and death differently. What we did was another way to honor Mama and her memory. I know that Mama is in heaven, and not in a shallow grave. You see, doing this was more about healing for us. We are at peace knowing we did something to honor her life. Through it all—and there were many bumps in the road—Mama was loved, and she is now with her Savior. In the end: Love. Won!

"Let not your heart be troubled; you believe in God, believe also in Me.In My Father’s house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself; that where I am, there you may be also. And where I go you know, and the way you know.”

John 14:1-4

Here is a snapshot of what this looked like:

Click “Running in Heels: A Memoir of Grit and Grace” by Mary A. Pérez
to purchase through Amazon

4 Comments

Filed under grieving, Memorial

Tagged as Family, gravesite, grieving, John 14:1-4, Mama, memoir, Memorial, personal, Running in Heels: A Memoir of Grit and Grace, Vicki Harrison

July 24, 2023 · 9:19 PM

Missing my Mama

“Grief, I’ve learned, is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give, but cannot. All that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go.” Jaime Anderson

Missing you, Mama.

Dad: A son’s first hero. A daughter’s first love.

Dad: A son’s first hero. A daughter’s first love.

The fathers in my family are affectionately referred to as Dad, Daddy, and Papi. Newsflash: None are perfect! But each one signifies love, courage, provision, and strength. Their eyes glow with purpose. Their smiles melt hearts. Their chest swells with pride. Their callous hands protect. They stand tall with dignity. And their embraces offer comfort and assurance. Yes, they are the pillars of our households.

It’s said that every man is trying to live up to his father’s expectations. Alternatively, they strive to make up for their father’s mistakes. I’m not sure if that’s true. I only know that each man represented in my family strives to be the very best possible. Each holds a mantle and carries a torch for the next generation. Each dad represented in my family lays a solid foundation, even those who have crossed over to the other side. I can’t help but think about my own grandfathers. They were strong, respected, dedicated men with a constant presence. They left behind a legacy. When the tough got going, they didn’t cave under pressure. They persevere with Puerto Rican pride in every fiber of their being.

To the men in my family who are dads (and have yet to be): I love you all. I admire each and every one of you. And to my dear husband, you married me with four children. I share this quote: “It takes a strong man to accept somebody else’s children and step up to the plate another man left on the table.” I salute you.

I salute you all. Remember: Any man can be a father. But it takes a special person to be a dad.

And to the newest addition to our family, my grandson’s precious little girl, who has made me a proud great-grandma!

3 Comments

Filed under Tribute to Fathers

Tagged as courage, Father's Day, fatherhood, heritage pride, love, provision, strength

May 27, 2023 · 3:00 PM

Celebrating Mama’s Life. . .

^{Creative Director – Charlie Duggar}
^{featuring artists: Evan Craft, Danny Gokey, Redimi2 – “Be Alright”
Tercer Cielo – “Yo Te Extrañare”
Boyz II Men – “A Song for Mama”
Elvis Presley – “Take My Hand, Precious Lord”
Josh Groban – “You Raise Me Up”
Mercy Me – “I Can Only Imagine”}

I had to say goodbye to Mama.
On Mother’s Day.
The Lord called her home at 3 pm.

In my heart of hearts, I believe she received the best Mother’s Day gift ever. There is no more pain and no more suffering. Now she rejoices with her Savior. She joins all the loved ones who have gone on before her. As Christians, that’s our Blessed Hope! And I will see her again.

It’s true: “We cannot think our way out of grief. We must feel our way out of grief.”

So when I said goodbye to Mama, the sadness of losing her hit me deeply. It snatched my breath away. I felt a pain rip through my chest. This grief is heavy, and if it didn’t come in waves, I’d be consumed. A mother-daughter relationship is complex, and lines of communication can be challenging. We worked on doing better as time went by. And in the end, when she couldn’t speak, she’d gaze upon me, and her loving eyes spoke volumes. She fought the good fight! Her last breath on earth became her first breath in heaven.

So Mama, I want to express again: Thank you for praying for me when words escaped you.

Because of you, I found the strength I never knew I had; I learned to be resilient.

Because of you, I have found that when I can’t, God can! And He has. And He continues to do so.

I want to thank you for giving me life, although the journey was anything but easy.

I’m grateful that because of you, this caterpillar turned into a butterfly. In the strength of the Lord, I learned to spread my wings over circumstances. I spread my wings over difficulties and over the struggles of life.

One thing I know—and have always known—is that you loved me, and I loved you. Just the way you described me, Mama, I will always be your little girl.

Farewell for now.

Your heart still beats. It beats within me.

Love won.

And. You. Were. Loved.

Click here >>> On Borrowed Time <<< Click here
~ My blog on 10/2022 ~

7 Comments

Filed under Mama's Celebration of Life, Mother's Day

Tagged as Blessed Hope, death, emotions, grieving, heartbreak, heaven, John 14:1-4, Latina, Mama, mourning, personal, sorrow

May 14, 2023 · 10:30 AM

Mother’s Day in Heaven: 10/10/34 – 5/14/2023

Her heart still beats!

Because Of You

“¿Por que tu lloras?” He asked. “Why do you cry?”

How can I not?! I am in my daddy’s arms!

Daddy, I cried because you were alert and present; you recognized me! Thank God that you did! I cried as I studied your charming face, watching the familiar spark dancing in your eyes. I cried in hearing the mirth in your voice close to my ears again. I cried as you embraced me in your arms, lovingly and tightly, just like when I was a little girl.

As I gaze upon you, I notice the years travel like a roadmap across your sweet face. I observe the twinkle in your eyes growing dim. Discomfort and pain take over. Your voice of mirth soon sounded a bit weaker. I feel your grip growing feeble. I noticed your hands are soft, no longer solid and callous from work. Sadness pierces my heart. Yet, time stood still. I am blessed, just by being in your arms again.

Daddy, I love you. So many years have passed. Oh, how I have missed you! I shall hold onto the memories and bring them back home with me, and shall cherish them forever!

I. Cried. Because. Of. You.

Click here to read an excerpt from Author Mary A. Pérez’s,
“Running in Heels: A Memoir of Grit and Grace”
https://maryaperez.com/2017/06/16/best-daddy-ever-my-hero-2/

3 Comments

Filed under Dementia in Family

Tagged as dementia, elderly, Latinos, personal

February 26, 2023 · 12:49 AM

My Valentine Gal ❤️

So I made this Valentine charcuterie board just for Mama.

A cute basket was made by her great-granddaughter!

Happy Valentines y’all!

Side Note: No, Mama did not eat all of these sugary sweets; the majority given away. It was a colorful and sweet gesture that she enjoyed looking over – and pink is her favorite color. LOL

5 Comments

Filed under Mama

Tagged as Charcuterie board, Family, making memories, Mama, Sweets, Valentine

December 29, 2022 · 5:59 PM

Mama

Have a Blessed & Happy New Year!!!!

“Live like there’s no tomorrow. Love like you’re on borrowed time. Always remember: It’s good to be alive.” ~ Jason Gray

2 Comments

Filed under Inspirational

Tagged as borrowed time, cancer survivor, elderly, Inspirational, Jason Gray, life, living, Mama, quote

October 10, 2022 · 5:08 PM

On Borrowed Time

How time flies.

We’ve been caring for Mama in our home for the past 3 years. After spending the holidays with us as she usually did, she never returned to her apartment. Hubby and I noticed how frail she had become. We both realized she would need more assistance. She had been getting less help when living on her own.

We do what we have to.

Our adult daughter, who also lives with us, is a tremendous help and caregiver for Mom, as well. My husband and I work full-time. Even with care providers checking in on Mom weekly, my daughter fills in the gap. She does more than expected.

Last year, after her doctor’s visit and blood work results, Mom’s doctor ordered that she be admitted to the hospital. Her blood pressure and blood count were dangerously low! During her four-night stay, she received two units of blood and an iron infusion. She returned home with her energy and appetite back! A year later, in August, it happened again – she was hospitalized and released. Soon after, I got a medical POA. The episode occurred again a month later. Thankfully, Mom agreed this time to have an endoscopy procedure instead of coming home.

She had a mass in her stomach.

The dreaded cancer.

We cried, reminisced, and prayed.

Dr. Solomon would be Mom’s surgeon. We prayed nonstop for this physician and observed how he used wisdom in dealing with Mom’s delicate procedure beforehand. We placed our trust in him, knowing that the God we served–the Great Physician–was in control.

On the day of surgery, my husband and children joined me. As they wheeled her off to surgery, I saw flecks of fear swimming in her eyes. I hoped she found strength in mine, although my heart was heavy. You see, I became that little girl again. And I cried out to her, “Momma, come back to me!”

We waited in the waiting area for half a day. Her surgery was over. She was already in the Post-Opt room. The good news is that cancer did not seem to have spread to any other area in her body. However, they removed 80% of her stomach.

Mama remained in ICU for a couple of days and then moved to a private room. I stayed with her as much as possible. I spent the night with her often. I gave her my love and support every chance I got. We have always had a complex relationship. She and I have had challenges. But no matter what, she is still my mama. I will always be her little girl. ( To read more of my journey, click here… )

Today is Mama’s 88th birthday. Yesterday, Sunday, the family joined us to celebrate her life, surrounding her with our love and prayers. We wore matching T-shirts to honor her. I wanted her to feel our love and let her know how special she is. She is the matriarch of the family.

Today, Mom is being moved to Rehab for a few weeks for therapy and to become stronger. We continue to wait for the final pathology report. We trust the Lord will complete the work He has started in her. She is in His hands.

Life is fleeting. Let go of the petty things. Treasure your loved ones while they are still around.

I am comforted in knowing that when I am weak, my God is strong. His grace is sufficient for me! Thank you, Lord, that your mercies are new every morning. Thank you, Lord, for another day.

8 Comments

Filed under gastric surgery, Personal

Tagged as cancer, Dr. Brett Solomon, Family, gastric surgery, inspiration, mom, Musing, personal, Prayer, the Great Physician

September 4, 2022 · 1:50 PM

This Thing Called Tears – Part II

Have your emotions ever run amuck? Without warning or preparation, it hits you between the eyes (or as in my case, the tear gland).

Allow me to share some recent experiences with you.

A friend of mine shared a music video with me. I turned it up to listen as I drove home. I was reminded of the goodness of the Lord. It wasn’t about me, it was all about Him. Suddenly, my heart was elated. I couldn’t help but rejoice in the God whom I serve! I was able to focus on the Lord in Who He is, and all He has done in my life. My spirit was lifted; my heart lightened. What a refreshing moment!

“The joy of the Lord is my strength.” (Nehemiah 8:10)

Well, last week was a bit rough for me in a technical sense. I am not very tech savvy. My internet was acting up. It affected my phone line and prevented me from doing my job satisfactorily. It was finally fixed, but not soon enough for my taste! The frustrations built from within, and I felt defeated. Once I left the office, the damn had burst. I cried. And prayed.

“You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle.” (Psalms 56:8)

The other day I arrived home from work. My husband told me to check out the progress of the repairs he’d been doing in the front room. I went in there, looked around, and yep, you guessed it, started crying! I was pleasantly surprised because, after so much construction mess, I could finally see the light. I saw how it was going to look once painted! My heart was filled with gratitude and thanksgiving. Yes, I had a moment! I stayed there a while. The funny thing is that I went to my husband. He looked at me and instantly grew concerned. He asked what was wrong and what had happened. My daughter also saw me and jumped up, thinking something had happened! But these were tears of joy … and it all sprung up and surprised me as well.

There’s a time and season for everything. In the good, praise God! In the bad when things are rough, praise God!

“A time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance” (Ecclesiastes 3:4).

Please check out my first blog about tears: https://maryaperez.com/2013/10/17/this-thing-called-tears/

And who can forget this timeless song below by The Byrds?