Loved beyond words. Missed beyond measure.
Filed under Valentine Mama
Psalms 46:10
People, let’s not forget that no matter what, God is still on the throne.
Filed under Faith, Psalm 46:10
We had to say so long to Mama 6 1/2 months ago … on Mother’s Day … at 3 P.M. to be exact. After much prayer and reflection, even though I tried to brace myself for the end, it still shook me to the core. As a Christian, I know she received the best Mother’s Day gift and no longer suffers. I have no doubt she is in a much better place with no more pain and illnesses, dancing on the streets of gold, seeing her Savior face to face, and reuniting with loved ones who had gone on before her. I am thankful to the Lord that Mama finished the race. And I know that I will see her again. But the pain of missing her still lingers on.
Sadly to say, two of her sons–my half-brothers–were constantly on her mind. They had lived a hard life incarcerated and her youngest barely made parole after 27 years. But at least he got to spend some time with her and was able to see Mama at the end and attend her Memorial Service. The next to the youngest wasn’t so fortunate and didn’t have that luxury. He’s out of prison now but is in the beginning stages of grieving for Mama as he tries to process it all.
If I’m to be honest, I didn’t feel up to it. I didn’t want to have Thanksgiving with them in my home. I certainly didn’t want any more drama. I just didn’t know what to expect! Too many years had gone by, plus those two brothers hadn’t spent any quality time together for more than 30 years. Yet, I knew Mama would have wanted this for them: for us to all be together again. And so, I asked for prayer at my church, for the grace and the strength to carry it through. You see, I knew in my own strength, that I was powerless.
I wrote out the holiday menu, went grocery shopping, and did lots of prepping. That afternoon, my daughter and son helped with some of the recipes–I think I was 6 hours in the kitchen the night before! Hubby got up at 2 am to smoke the turkey, and I finished cooking that morning. Daughter and son scooped up the brothers separately and brought them to our home around noontime.
We all embraced and the brothers were surprised to see each other. Heated words were exchanged, a bit awkward at first, but like my son said, some things needed to be spoken and released. We reminisced as serene conversations commenced. Pictures were soon taken and we found ourselves laughing. After the smoked turkey, ham, and side dishes were spread out on the dinner table, we stood in a circle, united, taking turns praying for both of them. When it was time to grub, my goodness can my brothers eat! They devoured every morsel until they couldn’t. Afterward, we played a board game and then dug into the desert.
At the end of the day, I think something afresh ignited in our hearts.
Google says the meaning of gratitude is the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness.
Sometimes you have to just put your feelings aside and do something out of love and gratitude. The Lord has been so good to us and has blessed us in countless ways! This was a selfless action that made a difference on my part – my pettiness had to get out of the way. Lord knows I had prayed enough, so it was time to put my faith into action. The Lord has blessed me to be a blessing to others. It was time to be a blessing; a time of giving; a time of love.
Life is made up of moments. I am thankful for my family and the gift of life. God has a perfect plan for each and every one of us. We all come from different walks of life, no one is better than the other. May we find joy in the simplest of things. Easy? Not always. Possible? Yes! Because He lives we can face our tomorrows!
Someone said: Instead of living in the shadows of yesterday, walk in the light of today and the hope of tomorrow.
Filed under Thanksgiving
Sept 23, 1968: It is a day of celebration. We are with our beloved maternal grandma. The little girl (me) happily stands near her beautiful baby sister who carries an infectious smile. We are celebrating my sister’s two-year-old birthday.
Oct. 22, 1968: One month later, it is a day of mourning. We are devastated, and heartbroken about the precious life taken much too soon by a hit-and-run driver. With her sister gone, the little girl feels more lonely than ever before. Mama felt lost and never the same.
Present Year 2023: This past Mother’s Day at 3 p.m., Mama changed addresses. In August, we took some of Mama’s remains and placed them near her daughter, my baby sister. Both are with their Savior now and no longer are suffering. We shall see our loved ones again one day. For now, we are left with their memories and the ‘should-of, could-of, would-of.’
Ecclesiastes 12:7
“Then the dust will return to the earth as it was,
And the spirit will return to God who gave it.”
John 14:1-4
“Let not your heart be troubled;
you believe in God, believe also in Me.
In My Father’s house are many mansions;
if it were not so, I would have told you.
I go to prepare a place for you.
And if I go and prepare a place for you,
I will come again and receive you to Myself;
that where I am, there you may be also.
And where I go you know, and the way you know.”
Running in Heels: A Memoir of Grit and Grace by Mary A. Pérez
Filed under Life & Death
Some of you know we had to say goodbye to my 88-year-old mama, a little over three months ago. Her memory continues to linger. She was loved beyond words. Missed beyond measure. At times, whenever I enter her room, sadness still floods my soul. I’ve given my grief over to the Lord time and time again, and every day I am strengthened. We did the best we could in caring for Mama for the few years she lived with us, and once she went through major surgery, we even sought outside professional help.
If you have read my memoir, you know my parents divorced when I was very young. Daddy still lives in Florida with my stepmother. My dear sister, from their marriage, is taking excellent care of them both. I was anxious about visiting Daddy this year for his 90th birthday. Needless to say, it was important to me that I be there.
The day finally arrived when we flew to Orlando for Daddy’s milestone birthday party. However, due to illnesses, etc., this big event almost didn’t happen. I am so thankful that the special day came to fruition and we were present to help celebrate this grand occasion.
We enjoyed spending precious time with Daddy, Mama Gloria, siblings, aunts, uncles, and several cousins. There were about 14 of us who stayed overnight at a lovely 2-story Airbnb my sister had reserved, which was more than ample room with a swimming pool. The next day, more family members arrived to celebrate Daddy’s birthday bash, and we gathered around and ate to our heart’s content. The catered meal consisted of Puerto Rican and Cuban dishes such as pernil (roasted pork roast), arroz con gandules (yellow rice and pigeon peas), Congri (Cuban rice mixed with black beans), maduros (sweet plantains), and Cuban-style yuca with garlic mojo. Photos were taken with the birthday boy, with cake and balloons.
Mornings consisted of indulging in delicious home-cooked breakfasts with café con leche. We continually exchanged stories, laughter, great conversations, singing, and prayers. Wonderful memories were made to last a lifetime. Daddy’s party was a wonderful event.
After our stay in the Airbnb, we continued with our vacation plans. We attended a dinner and tournament show at the Medieval Times Dinner Theater in Orlando. The entertainment was fantastic with beautiful horses, jousting, and some cool sword fighting. During the performance, a tasty four-course meal was served, but you had to eat with your hands like in medieval times. Other outings that week included a one-hour ride at Wild Willy’s Airboat Tour through Florida’s Everglades. We experienced some of Florida’s wildlife including blue herons, gators and their nests, small beautiful orange-looking birds, and we even saw a bald eagle! One evening, we visited Old Town in Kissimmee with our cousins and got to enjoy a 30-year-old tradition with classic hot rods and muscle cars driving by in tow! On another day, the chances of rain did not stop us as we headed towards the lovely Anna Maria Beach with its turquoise warm, clear water, and white sand. The scenery did not disappoint. This was a little bit of heaven for me. It was hard to leave! And finally, we stopped and visited my stepson in Tampa and he surprisingly treated us to his mouth-watering specialty: reverse-seared ribeyes, and tomahawk steaks!
Looking back now, I am thankful for all that transpired during our week in Florida. My main takeaway: Daddy remembered me. He remembered all of us. He was present, engaging, and loving. He even said a prayer over us. It felt good to feel his love while hugging him tightly. It was special to see my nieces and nephew and see how they have grown, and reconnect with some cousins whom I hadn’t seen in a minute, and get to know them.
Remember: family time is important. Embrace all that God has blessed you with; weed out the pettiness and all that is cumbersome. Life is short and fleeting. You blink and you miss a moment. Count your blessings and focus on the bigger picture on this side of heaven called life’s journeys. It is a gift.
(Want to especially thank Titi Sonia and Tio Manny for graciously putting us up in their lovely home.)
Please enjoy some photos taken of our vacation week.
Filed under Daddy's 90th, Florida vacation
“Grief is like the ocean; it comes in waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.” Vicki Harrison
She was weak, frail, with no appetite. I prayed that Mama would make it to Mother’s Day and she did, leaving us at 3 pm on that very day! I believe she truly received the best gift possible: no more pain or discomfort left worrying about anything or anyone else.
I had told her that I would and I did. Three months had passed. With my immediate family, I took some of Mama’s remains to bury alongside her parents (my grandparents), and my baby sister who tragically was struck down by a hit-and-run driver at the tender age of two, some 55 years ago.
Everyone expresses life and death differently. What we did we felt was another way to honor Mama and her memory. I know that Mama is in heaven, and not in a shallow grave. You see, doing this was more about healing for us. We are at peace knowing we did something to honor her life. Through it all—and there were many bumps in the road—Mama was loved and she is now with her Savior. In the end: Love. Won!
"Let not your heart be troubled; you believe in God, believe also in Me. In My Father’s house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself; that where I am, there you may be also. And where I go you know, and the way you know.” John 14:1-4
Here is a snapshot of what this looked like:
Click “Running in Heels: A Memoir of Grit and Grace” by Mary A. Pérez
to purchase through Amazon
“Grief, I’ve learned, is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give, but cannot. All that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go.” Jaime Anderson
Missing you, Mama.
Filed under grief
Dad: A son’s first hero. A daughter’s first love.
The fathers in my family are called Dad, Daddy, and Papi. Newsflash: None are perfect! But each one represents love, courage, provision, and strength. Their eyes glow with purpose. Their smiles melt hearts. Their chest swells with pride. Their callous hands protect. They stand tall with dignity. And their embraces offer comfort and assurance. Yes, they are the pillars of our households.
It’s said that every man is trying to either live up to his father’s expectations or make up for his father’s mistakes. I don’t know if that’s true. I only know that each man represented in my family strives to be the very best possible. Each holds a mantle and carries a torch for the next generation. Each dad represented in my family lays a solid foundation, even those who have crossed over to the other side. I can’t help but think about my own grandfathers. They were strong, respected dedicated men with a constant presence. They left behind a legacy. When the tough got going, they didn’t cave under pressure. They persevere with Puerto Rican pride in every fiber of their being.
To the men in my family who are dads (and have yet to be): I love and admire each and every one of you. And to my dear husband who married me with four children, I share this quote: “It takes a strong man to accept somebody else’s children and step up to the plate another man left on the table.” I salute you.
I salute you all. Remember: Any man can be a father. But it takes a special person to be a dad.
Filed under Tribute to Fathers
In my heart of hearts, I believe she received the best Mother’s Day gift ever. No more pain, no more suffering, and now she rejoices with her Saviour and all the loved ones who have gone on before her. As Christians, that’s our Blessed Hope! And I will see her again.
It’s true: “We cannot think our way out of grief. We must feel our way out of grief.”
So when I said goodbye to Mama, the sadness of losing her hit me deeply. It snatched my breath away. I felt a pain rip through my chest. This grief is heavy and if it didn’t come in waves, I’d be consumed. A mother and daughter’s relationship is complex, and lines of communication can be difficult. We worked on doing better as time went by. And in the end, when she couldn’t speak, she’d gaze upon me, and her loving eyes spoke volumes. She fought the good fight! Her last breath on earth became her first breath in heaven.
So Mama, I want to express again: Thank you for praying for me when words escaped you.
Because of you, I found the strength I never knew I had; I learned to be resilient.
Because of you, I have found that when I can’t, God can! And He has. And He continues to do so.
I want to thank you for giving me life, although the journey was anything but easy.
I’m grateful that because of you, this caterpillar turned into a butterfly and in the strength of the Lord I learned to spread my wings over circumstances, over difficulties, and over the struggles of life.
One thing I know – and have always known – you loved me and I loved you! Just the way you described me, Mama, I will always be your little girl.
Farewell for now.
Your heart still beats. It beats within me.
Love won.
And. You. Were. Loved.
Click here >>> On Borrowed Time <<< Click here
~ My blog on 10/2022 ~
Filed under Mama's Celebration of Life, Mother's Day
NEW! Book Club Edition
Reflexiones del Corazón
I just want to thank Mandy for making me a hero in her garden. I was deeply touch and wanted to share my appreciation by adding her link on my sidebar. Click the picture below to view her blog. . .
Reflections From the Heart 