Tag Archives: healing

Damaged Goods

Definition of damaged goods: inadequate or impaired. Products that are broken, cracked, scratched, etc.: a person considered no longer desirable or valuable because of something that has happened. This is a person whose reputation is damaged.

Are you damaged goods? Feel like you’re not worthy?

You don’t have to remain that way, regardless of your past, or present.

Was that ever me?

You betcha!

Read on …

Hollow. Pure loneliness. Dark, like a bottomless pit. Ripping in my chest. Piercing my heart. Again, he stays out all night. Overcome by torment. Abandonment accompanies me. Consumed with depression, isolation wraps itself around me. My mind races with wild imaginations of where he has gone, what he is doing, and with whom.

Instead of going to bed to sleep, I am wearing a hole in the couch. Every time a car approaches, I spring like a jack-in-the-box, peeking out the window, hoping he has returned. With every disappointment, my stomach turns into knots. My own sobs mock me until I cry myself to semi-consciousness. Hideous lies will follow after he returns and add to my anguish and emotional decline. 

Broken. Flawed. Undone.

That was me back then, dealing with my former (cheating) husband. His words, like rubbing alcohol pouring over fresh wounds, stung! No band-aids healed my emotional pain. No quick fixes. Deeper and deeper I sank into a dark abyss, crushed beyond repair. For several years, that was my pathetic frame of mind. I know now it didn’t have to be that way. So, what was the deal?

I had an overload of abuse: physical, verbal, and emotional. I had low self-esteem and zero self-worth. I believed and accepted a lie about me and my situation. I figured since this was my lot in life, might as well make the best of it. I had witnessed my mom go through a cycle of abuse, but I was obviously blind to my own. I made him mad againMaybe I deserved it … Talk about co-dependency!

How do you perceive yourself? Have you ever been lied to, beaten down, and trodden upon? Feel like you’ll never come up for air? Are you tired of stumbling around in blindness, things so bleak you can’t even see your own self-worth? Drowning in sorrow, buried in self-pity? Or maybe you feel you’re at the point of no return in trying to please someone else. You compromise your values, your mental state, your resources, and your health!

Stop allowing someone’s negativity or ill-treatment to rob you of your joy and develop a callous heart. Realize you are worthy. You are valued and matter. There’s nothing wrong with being fragile … but let it be like beautiful, fine china. Just know you are not damaged goods, a throwaway, or a faded memory. Don’t be someone’s victim because you listened to their lies and empty promises. I’m living proof that God doesn’t discard what He’s determined to restore.

Get up! Rediscover yourself. Feel your wrist. What is that? A pulse? Then you have a purpose! Allow the Master’s hand to reach down and set you in high places. He’ll wipe the tears and dust the soot from off your heart. If God got me out of the pit, He can get you out, too. It takes a made-up mind. A determination that today is the best day of the rest of your life.

What’s in your hands? What’s in your heart? A dream? A gift? A precious child? You have something worth fighting for. Choose your battles.

 If you don’t know my pain, you’ll never understand my praise.

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Filed under psychology

Beyond the Rubble: Embracing Hope and Healing

“To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes,
the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness;
that they might be called trees of righteousness,
the planting of the Lord, that he might be glorified.” Isaiah 61:3

How do you find beauty in difficult times?

My devotion today is found in Isaiah 61:3. This passage of scripture brings me comfort. Yet, I wondered…

How can there be a smidgen of beauty among the rubble? Wreckage? Or ashes?

How is this even possible?

How do we see beauty amid suffering, hopelessness, or despair?

When I saw my baby sister lying in her small white coffin, I sure didn’t see any beauty in that.

As a child, I noticed my mama with bruises on her body. I failed to see them as beauty marks.

My former husband was known for his strength, vigor, and sure-footedness. After one drink of alcohol, he morphed into a sloppy drunk, miles away from anything charming.

To watch my grandpa become a prisoner in his own body was disheartening. His barrel-chested physique became sunken and scrawny. It was a far cry from what I considered alluring.

My grandma was once so robust and plump. When my eyes caressed her features, I saw her turning thin and frail due to illness. It wasn’t lovely to behold.

The day I saw my former husband turn his back on me was not a picturesque scene. He had pulled the rug from under my feet. He left me in the dust while I choked in my sobs and called out his name in vain.

My tiny 29-day-old granddaughter, swollen from fluids in a medically induced coma after her open-heart surgery, wasn’t eye-appealing.

Recently, saying goodbye to Mama was anything but a pleasant and beautiful moment.

Scars tell a story, but they are not beautiful. Neither are the hidden bruises on the body nor the scab on the heart.

Death is not cute; the grieving of loved ones taken from you is never delightful. Hunger is not charming. Loneliness is not attractive.

Repossession isn’t grand. Foreclosure is far from good.

So, how can there be beauty for ashes?

I believe it is found in hope. Hope against hope. Hope that the imperfect will become perfect. Hope that the pain will cease. Hope that there will be a day of reckoning. Hope that the scattered pieces will rebuild. Hope for healing and relief. Hope that the light will dawn and a new day will come. Hope that this too shall come to pass. Hope in heaven. Hope that the best is yet to come. And most importantly, we believe in the Blessed Hope. One day, we shall see our loved ones again who have crossed over.

I can now yell it from the mountaintop. Thank you, Lord! You have turned my life’s ugliness into a thing of beauty!

Out of sadness and hurt will come strength and victory.

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Filed under Devotional, Faith and Spirituality, Reflections From the Heart

An Open Heart – Part II

(To read PART I, click here …)

Expect nothing… Just keep an open heart and an open mind.

Once in Florida, Mark and I planned to visit my dad. We also decided to drive a couple of hours to Tampa to finally see his biological son, Marshil. Mark hadn’t seen him since he was a small boy. My husband remained deep in thought, and I only imagined him full of nerves. I pretended to go along with Mark’s plan to drive to Tampa. Meanwhile, I was secretly scheming a different plan. I initially informed Marshil about our plans to be in Kissimmee during Father’s Day week. He said he planned to be there for a few days, too. He had tickets to attend a concert. I asked Marshil if he had mentioned any of this to Mark. He said no. I suggested that he keep it that way. So, together, we decided to arrange a surprise reunion for Mark.

When the big night finally arrived, the meet-up place was a nice steak joint. Mark was none the wiser. He thought it was just a date night. We were planning to head out to Tampa the next day. Later, when Mark came out of the restroom, Marshil stood right in front of him, saying hello. They embraced, and for a moment, time stood still.

Someone said: It is not flesh and blood but the heart which makes us fathers and sons.

I sat pensively, observing the mannerisms of a father and son. While listening to their conversation, I was amazed. The connection transpiring right before my eyes touched me deeply. I deeply hope and pray that these two men, so much alike, will truly reconnect. I wish they could regain some of those years gone by. Neither one has had an easy life. Many experiences are filled with pain, discouragement, and regret. Some hard lessons are in tow.

Sometime later, I asked my hubby what he had taken away from meeting Marshil. He answered, with misty eyes, “I expected nothing but hoped for the best. I really like him! And he doesn’t hate me!”

I’ve read that every man tries to live up to his father’s expectations. Alternatively, he may try to make up for his father’s mistakes. I don’t know how much of that is true. I know that these two men have strong work ethics. They are likable, lovable, and loyal. There is a little craziness in them. They have a record of being a number one, devoted stepdad.

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“You can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending.” C.S. Lewis

Today, the dam was broken. The tide has turned. The waters shifted.

Only God can heal and transform hearts. While it’s true we don’t know what the future holds, I know Who holds our future. I’m giving all my concerns to God. He will work out the details of my uncertainties and troubles. He’s a lot better at holding things together than I am anyway. Thank you, Lord, for being the Author and Finisher of my faith!

Here’s to second chances and new beginnings! We look forward to spending more quality time together and expect meaningful conversations in the coming days, months, and years. 

Click here to read “My Heartbeat – PART I”

 

 

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Filed under Father's Day

A Word Fitly Spoken …

Re-reading this quote spoken to me so many years ago still brings up a sea of memories of a difficult place in time.

As you can imagine, I was going through hell. All along thinking I was alone, I never realized that God not only heard my cries, but He knew of my pain too! Just like the song goes: He was there all the time–and in my case–God used someone with skin to not only pray but to reach out to me in my darkest hour.

It seemed like forever that I was blinded and so discouraged; I really didn’t see a way out of my situation. But a neighbor, who quickly became a true friend, made me her business. She wasn’t condemning or pushy; she spoke life over me! She was caring and loving and wise beyond her years. She prayed much and gently wooed me back into the arms of my Heavenly Father. Eventually, I received the support I needed and slowly began to heal. Sanity and wisdom kicked in, and I did what I needed to do for myself and for the welfare of my small children.

What am I saying?

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I wrote Running in Heels: A Memoir of Grit & Grace so that others might find hope beyond their hopelessness and despair. We’re all walking through something. We all have a story. Some are strong enough to stand on their own, while others need a little encouragement and help in finding their way. They may have been lied to, beaten down, some even to the point of isolation. Ever been ashamed of your pain? I was.

No matter what, you can rise above your circumstances. It takes a made-up mind and a determination to change. Allow your experiences to make you a better person, not a bitter one. Many times what we’ve gone through can help someone else to overcome his or her own struggle.

There are people around you hurting. Make them your business. A warm smile, a kind word, a gentle touch. Show them love. Give them hope. Be the hands and feet of Jesus.

Bloom where you’re planted.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jer. 29:11

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Filed under Christianity, encouragement, Kindness

Beauty For Ashes

Beauty For Ashes

“To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he might be glorified.”
Isaiah 61:3
(Photo Credit: forashes.org)

My devotion today is found in Isaiah 61:3. Although this passage of scripture brings me comfort, I wondered…

How can there be a smidgen of beauty amongst the rubble? Or ashes?

How is this even possible?

How do we see beauty amid suffering, hopelessness, or despair?

When I saw my baby sister lying in her small white coffin, I sure didn’t see any beauty in that.

When I noticed my mama with bruises on her body, I failed to see the beauty.

My former husband was known for his strength, vigor, and sure-footed, morphed into a sloppy drunk after one drink of alcohol being miles away from anything charming.

To see my grandpa become a prisoner in his own body, his barrel-chested physique becoming sunken and scrawny, was a far cry from what I considered beautiful.

For my eyes to caress my grandma’s features, once so robust and plump, turning thin and frail after having lost so much weight due to illness wasn’t lovely to behold.

Watching the back of my former husband after he pulled the rug from under my feet, and left me in the dust while I choked in my sobs and called out his name wasn’t a picturesque scene.

My tiny 29-day-old granddaughter, swollen from fluids in a medically induced coma after her open-heart surgery, wasn’t eye-appealing to me.

Scars are not beautiful. Neither are the hidden bruises on the body nor on the heart.

Death is not beautiful; the grieving of loved ones taken from you is never attractive. Hunger is not beautiful. Loneliness is not beautiful.

Repossession isn’t quaint. Foreclosure is far from delightful.

So, how can there be beauty for ashes?

I believe it is found in hope. Hope against hope. Hope that the imperfect will become perfect. Hope that the pain will cease. Hope that there will be a day of reckoning. Hope that the scattered pieces will rebuild. Hope for healing and relief. Hope that the light will dawn and a new day will come. Hope that this too shall come to pass. Hope in heaven. Hope that the best is yet to come. And most importantly, believing in the Blessed Hope that one day, we shall see our loved ones again who have crossed over.

I can yell it now from the mountaintop: Thank you, Lord, for turning my life’s ugliness into a thing of beauty!

Out of sadness and hurt, will come strength and victory.

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11 Comments

July 23, 2015 · 10:39 PM

The Battle Is Real

C. S. Lewis said, “God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world.”

Bad things happen to good people. The Bible says: It rains on the just and unjust. (Matt. 5:45)

We are not immune to suffering, pain, hardships, struggles, and losses. Adversities are part of life. The battle is real with me just as much as it is with you. Some suffer in silence, and some scream at the top of their lungs while alone. Although in a different way, inner turmoil can hurt just as much as physical pain. We battle within just as much as our outer shell. Pain is pain. When you hurt, you HURT. You may not see my pain, and I may not see yours, but it doesn’t lessen the reality. Someone said: Pain is inevitable, and suffering is optional.

Sometimes we are left with scars. Our heart has melted … waxed cold … turned numb. We are consumed with grief, despair, and unanswered questions. What do we do now? Where do we go? Who do we run to? When will it end? How much more? Why, God? Why?

I’ve learned that adversity can either make you or break you. I wonder: Is it possible to go through the fire and come out without the stench of smoke? Don’t let adversity crush you. Build a support system: Family, Faith, Friends. Resilience is like a muscle that strengthens as it is gradually exposed to obstacles.

As a Christian, I may not have all the answers to the whys, but I have unwavering faith, even when my flesh is shaken. There is nothing too hard for Him; therefore, I can rest in the midst of challenges.

Though the tears may fall and the struggles may come, there will be a time of refreshing and healing, maybe not in my timeframe, but in His perfect timing. I am a little stronger and a little wiser after each storm. I am comforted knowing that my battle belongs to God and He hears the cries of the brokenhearted. (Psm. 147:3)

In times of suffering …

 “Either you’ll become better, or you’ll become bitter, but you won’t be the same again.”

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Photo Credit: Unknown Source

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Filed under Inspirational, Overcoming Adversity, Resiliency