Reflections From the Heart

October 22, 2015 · 9:31 PM

Oh, Those Golden, Centenarian Years!

I told this story before, and it bears repeating.

The lessons in life, with their many twists and turns, have been an amazing journey. I often think: What legacy will I leave behind when I finish this race? What do I do today? Will it count for something tomorrow? When I’m long gone, will I merely be a faded memory or a burn in someone’s heart? Will my deeds be forgotten? Lost? Or buried?

I’ve read about some incredible women. These women did not allow age, status, limitations, or even imprisonment to keep them from destiny. As fleeting as it is, they knew their self-worth and value in this life. Women like Mother Teresa gave 50 years of service to the poor, the sick, the orphans, and the dying in Calcutta, India. Women like Corrie ten Boom, who spent 10 months in a concentration camp at the age of 53, began a worldwide ministry that took her into more than 60 countries in the next 33 years of her life. I didn’t know them personally, but they were admirable, inspirational women.

They made a difference.

Many endearing women have entered my life, not only as friends, but also as mothers, sisters, grandmothers, and mentors. While each embodies unique gifting, each holds a special place in my heart.

One such individual is Elizabeth. She loves people, is full of life, charm, and wit, and believes in having a 90% attitude and 10% circumstance. She loves to laugh, crack a joke, watch the Kentucky Derby, share about her travels around the world, read anything that takes her miles away, watch The Lawrence Welk Show, and go right on dancing if only she could.

I’ve known her for over thirty years, but within the past few years, she’s been unable to use her walker. She can no longer walk or read as she once did. Yes, she sometimes forgets, yet her mind is still intact; her wits are still sharp as a tack, as is her tongue. My husband, daughter, and I take care of her. We also have a care provider who comes in. While we attend to Elizabeth’s daily needs, she teaches us about life.

Did I mention that a horse and buggy rushed her to the hospital and that she was one year old during the Titanic? That’s right. Elizabeth was born in 1911. You do the math.

To know Elizabeth is to have your life enriched.

As I age, may I emulate her love and passion for living.

Bind us together, Lord …

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Filed under Aging, Golden Years

Tagged as aging, centenarian, Corrie ten Boom, destiny, elderly, fulfillment, geriatrics, Golden Years, legacy, maturing, Mother Teresa, purpose, seniors

October 13, 2015 · 6:22 AM

Author Interview: Mary A. Pérez

I wish to thank Eleanor Parker Sapia for graciously interviewing me and helping me share my message of survival against all odds!

The Writing Life Blog

The Writing Life is pleased to welcome Mary A. Pérez, author of ‘Running in Heels: A Memoir of Grit and Grace’, her debut memoir of the turbulent and uncertain childhood she survived.

Born in the Bronx, raised in Miami, relocated to Houston – Mary is of Puerto Rican descent, a mother to four grown children, “Mimi” to a couple of gorgeous grandchildren, and happily married (the second time around) to a phenomenal man for twenty-one years.

Mary was born to a Puerto Rican immigrant family in the Bronx of New York and moved to Miami, Florida in 1962. Her childhood story played out against the backdrop of constant social change which defined the 1960s and forever altered the landscape for future generations. With political tensions of the time raging during the Vietnam War, there was a personal war within Mary’s own family dominating her life. Her future held little hope…

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Tagged as A Decent Woman, alcohol abuse, Author, Author Interview, autobiography, book, books, books and authors, domestic abuse, Eleanor Parker Sapia, marketing, Mary A. Perez, memoir, non-fiction, publishing, Puerto Rico, Running in Heels: A Memoir of Grit and Grace, the writing life, writing

October 11, 2015 · 9:13 PM

Texas Book Festival

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October 17th-18th

This is the 20th anniversary of the Texas Book Festival, and as such, they’ve scheduled it to be the biggest and best Texas Book Fest ever! There will be over 300 authors in attendance (including Margaret Atwood, Marie Lu, Chuck Palahniuk, Tavi Gevinson, Sandra Cisneros, Jonathan Lethem, yours truly, Mary A. Pérez, and so many more), author panels and signings, The Chuck Palahniuk Show (a variety show hosted by Chuck Palahniuk), a Lit Crawl, Yoga With Authors… the list goes on! Go to the official Texas Book Festival website to get the full schedule.

And the best part is, it’s FREE and open to the public!

Texas Book Festival at the State Capitol

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Filed under Texas Book Festival, Upcoming Events

Tagged as Austin Texas, book event, book festival, booksigning, capitol, Running in Heels

October 9, 2015 · 11:49 AM

Not that Girl Anymore

She is not the girl who scratched and clawed her way to the top. She is the girl who learned how to float to prevent her from sinking when life tried to weigh her down. Who walked on pebbles and used them as her stepping stones to get to higher ground. Who learned that childlike faith in the God above would blossom into something much greater than herself. She may have had father figures who were absent, but she found comfort in a Heavenly Father who never left her side.

Once dejected and rejected, she is no longer that sad little girl today. Don’t feel sorry for her. Applaud her, because it was during the dry season that she discovered an oasis. Rejoice with her, because in the darkness, she found a beacon of light. Admire her for rising above her crisis despite her circumstances. She may have started out in the valley, pecking along like a chicken digging for worms. But then the Ancient of Days taught her to spread her wings like an eagle and soar into the air over the mountaintop.

Don’t cry for her, feel sad for her, or grieve for her. If you’re looking for a lost and lonely child, she is not here. Misunderstood, she may be; a wonder to many, she may be. If you’re looking for perfection, she is not that girl. If you expect to see sophistication or to hear profound eloquence, you may be disappointed. Her past may want to dictate her future, the voices in her head play a broken song, and her name may even mean “bitter” – but she refuses to be that girl anymore.

What kind of girl is she?

A simple girl.

A grateful girl.

A blessed girl.

Stronger today for everything she endured, she appreciates the beauty of living life one day at a time. She surrounds herself with those who encourage and genuinely care for her. She clothes herself with the garment of praise, amazed by the wonders of God’s grace.

Sad . . . alone . . . afraid?

Not that girl anymore.

“The past does not have to be your prison. You have a voice in your destiny. You have a say in your life. You have a choice in the path you take.” Max Lucado

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Filed under Survivor

Tagged as Faith, hardships, life, Max Lucado quote, memoir, personal, struggles, survivor

October 2, 2015 · 9:44 AM

When it Hurts to No End

“I haven’t thought about suicide in a long time. I’m thinking about it now. I feel very dumb. I feel like a midget in a world full of giants. Giant successful CEOs, athletes that think quick on their feet, good-looking men and woman who have the gift of conversation and looking good while doing it. I am a midget, and I can barely make a sentence sound intelligent. I am short with no special talents that will make me any money. When I am in complete despair with not a single positive springing care, I choose to end it. I don’t think it is selfish. Depression is a pain unlike any other. It’s like a black hole in the middle of your body, slowly sucking in your body parts from the inside out. Eventually, your chest and your abdomen hurt like there’s nothing in there. I imagine an open casket viewing …”

“Not much makeup, but I want to blush so I look alive. I haven’t looked ‘alive’ for some time. My blonde curls pinned up with little white flowers sprinkled about them. My three favorite rings. Minimal jewelry, as I have always been. I have a bouquet of flowers in my closed hands. Big beautiful calla lilies, white mums, and miniature white roses. I love green plants more than flowers, so there are eucalyptus and ferns within the flowers, and there are multiple trailing vines flowing out of the bouquet. I am in a sweet little girl’s white dress with eyelet embellishments. The dress has cap sleeves and a boat neck. The skirt ends just above my ankles, showing my tattoos. I am barefoot with no toenail polish. I love to be barefoot and feel I should go that way. Hardly any makeup, very little jewelry, and no shoes. That is me, and that is the way I want to go. Where I can finally rest and the hurt ends.”

(The above message was printed with permission by a family member.)

Note: I am saddened to say, the above message was sent a week before a beautiful soul fatally chose to end her life. She leaves behind family members: a loving and grieving mother, father, sister, brother, grandparents, aunts, uncles, nephews, cousins, and a devoted boyfriend who had found her on that tragic day. All are left with unanswered questions, blame, guilt, and deep sorrow. As I pray for this entire family, I am heartbroken. As a mother myself, this sadness knows no bounds.

September was National Suicide Prevention Month. Not all disabilities are visible. Why do most of us suffer in silence? Having suicidal thoughts does not mean someone is weak or flawed. We all have meltdown periods. I’m sure we’ve all felt hopeless before, and we all know what it’s like to walk under a dark cloud – it can happen to anyone, regardless of age, gender, race, or social status.

Please be mindful of those around you. Don’t take your loved ones for granted. Will you reach out to those you hold dear? Will you let them know that they are loved and that you appreciate them in your lives? Hold on to the moment. Some no longer have that privilege.

https://www.drugrehab.com/guides/suicide-risks/

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Filed under Suicide Awareness, Suicide Prevention

Tagged as advocate, community support, Danny Gokey, depression, health, recovery, suicide awareness, suicide prevention, wellness

September 30, 2015 · 11:44 PM

Hail to the Queen!

I attended Houston Writers Guild’s first IndieFest Conference, “Indiepalooza” this past weekend. With Indie-Publishing becoming more and more popular, this event provided vital tools and information in phases throughout the self-publishing process. The two-day conference featured guest speakers, authors, and a panel of industry experts. I couldn’t take notes fast enough! I am happy to report that this will be an annual event.

One special moment for me was finally meeting Kathy L. Murphy, a licensed cosmetologist and avid reader, who opened a beauty and bookstore called Beauty and the Book in early 2000. Eventually, she started a book club for women who enjoy reading and have fun. Pulpwood Queens became the name of her club. Today, the Tiara-wearing Pulpwood Queen, Kathy, presides over nearly 600 book clubs, and she is now a published author. In 2008, Grand Central Publishing released her book, “The Pulpwood Queens’ Tiara-Wearing, Book-Sharing Guide to Life.” It not only sold well, but I hear there’s also a movie in the making from Dream Worlds!

As an author, whether you decide to publish the traditional route or the self-publishing route, here are some takeaways I jotted down from Kathy’s presentation Saturday night:

You have to know how to present yourself. Get a look! Be kind to everyone. Never burn a bridge. Never be so busy that you can’t autograph someone’s book.

Kathy’s recap (with permission) is as follows:

1) Finish your book before submitting it to anyone, and that means having a clean, well-written copy that has been edited and is free of mistakes. I don’t want anyone calling me to tell me about their book that they haven’t finished, or as an author, have anyone calling me to say that my publisher misspelled Ruston, Louisiana.

2) Create a look and brand yourself as a professional author. For me, it’s big hair, Tiaras, and leopard print, my Pulpwood Queen signature look. It’s hard to forget someone if they look the part. Dress for success. Men wear killer suits, and women create their own signature styles. No gift was ever as happily received as one that is magnificently wrapped. No matter how great the gift, if it comes in a Walmart bag, well, there is not much enthusiasm.

3) Gather your tribe. Friends, family, clients, and network people. Since I started my Pulpwood Queens Book Club, that’s a given, but I am also a member of The First United Methodist Church and Rotary International, so I let them know that I have a book and will speak. But don’t limit yourself there, area book clubs have the best word of mouth, (which is to me, STILL, the best advertising in the world. Free program = big book sales.

4) Think outside of the bookselling box. If you wrote a book on underwater basket weaving, well, for goodness’ sake, contact YMCA’s, swim clubs, basket weavers, and craft shops. Volunteer to give a demonstration, and then send out a press release announcing the event. If you don’t have a media list, take a day to contact every newspaper, radio station, and email blogger to gather their contact information for press releases. Hmm, that’s how I did it, and it worked. And if they don’t respond to your press release, follow up with a personal phone call. Be polite, and don’t burn bridges. They may not choose to feature you this time, but The Wall Street Journal calls me now periodically for quotes.

5) BONUS TIP! If you have a secret talent, share that talent. On my Beauty and the Book Show, you can watch all twelve on YouTube.com. I asked authors to share if they had a secret talent. A fire baton twirler can say all the President’s names in under a minute, you name it! The audience loved those moments, making you stand out from the million book authors published a year and having some big-time fun while you are doing it!

And there you have it, great tidbits from the queen herself! Overall, it was a great conference.

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“Oh, hail Queen Kathy!”

From Pain to Purpose: Inspiring Self-Improvement

A couple of weeks ago, I was asked to give a presentation on self-esteem at a local women’s shelter. As I have been training to become a certified sexual assault advocate, I was delighted and agreed to speak to the group of ladies and give a one-hour presentation. I titled it “Phenomenal, Beautiful You.” I gave that presentation today.

Now due to numerous reasons and past experiences, I myself struggle with low self-esteem. I still find specific tasks difficult, uncomfortable, or challenging. So, everything I shared with the ladies today was really for myself. Sometimes, we just need to speak words of affirmation to ourselves. I let those precious ladies know I am just like them, only now, sitting on the opposite side of the table. However, not without being well acquainted with the struggles that they face. I shared my story, and my insecurities, and spoke about what the definition of insanity is: Doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results. Here is one of the quotes that I printed out on cardstock for each lady to take:

When you change your thinking, you change your belief;
When you change your beliefs, you change you expectations;
When you change your expectations, you change your attitude;
When you change your attitude, you change your behavior;
When you change your behavior, you change your performance;
When you change your performance, you change your life.

This is the kicker to today’s event – today would have been my sister’s birthday, had she not passed away after being struck down by a hit-and-run driver, some 40+ years ago! I was a lonely, neglected child. But when my sister was born, I took care of her from early on. Many times, it was just the two of us while our parents were gone. But I didn’t mind. It was better to do things together than to do them alone. I promised to love and care for her forever. When tragedy struck, she was only two. How do you think this nine-year-old big sister felt at the time? Do you think she struggled with self-esteem, insecurities, and self-doubt for the majority of her life? Yeah, you can say that all right. And I will continue to work on it.

I share my experiences because it is possible to make a difference in this world. Just like my pastor says: If you have a pulse, you have a purpose! Today’s message was well received, and the hour flew by quickly. Afterward, no one wanted to stop chatting and visiting with me. They felt inspired. In the end, they knew I was one of them, but also an overcomer.

When I look back on my life, I see pain, mistakes, and heartache. When I look in the mirror, I see strength, learned lessons and pride in myself.

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Filed under Self-Esteem Presentation

Tagged as affirmation, behavior, memoir, obstacles, self-esteem, self-worth, struggles, survivor

September 16, 2015 · 9:17 AM

REVIEW: Running in Heels by Mary A. Perez

I thank Heidi for her warm and heartfelt caption to “Running In Heels”.

My hope and desire is for others to know that no matter what they’re going through, they are never alone nor have to be ashamed of their pain. We all have a story and may more of us come to understanding that some things are not necessarily a “quick-fix” event in getting out of a hell hole, but it is more of a process.

Inkorkeys

Running in Heels jumps from one anecdotal incident to another, opening with Mary’s mother and then boyfriend stealing Mary and her older brother from daycare…

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I’ll Never Forget 9/11

I imagine most of us remember where we were or what we were doing on September 11th, 2001.

Around 7:50 a.m. while driving to work, the morning newscast blared over the radio that a plane had crashed into the World Trade Center in New York. As soon as I arrived at the office, I ran in and flicked on the TV to see the live broadcast of a massive hole in one of the towers caused by the plane’s impact minutes before. As fellow co-workers gathered in the small conference room, we couldn’t peel our eyes away from the screen. Black smoke billowed out of the building, soon engulfed by flames.

We heard what our ears didn’t want to hear and continued to see images that will forever be etched in our minds. My insides plummeted as I saw a second plane hit the other tower. Buildings collapsed minutes later, and we all gasped in horror, knowing that hundreds—thousands—lost their lives.

My heart went out to those who lost loved ones on that fatal day.

That same evening, President Bush spoke powerful words: “Freedom itself was attacked this morning by a faceless coward, and freedom will be defended.”

Freedom isn’t free, I thought, and freedom is worth any cost.

(Excerpt from “Running in Heels: A Memoir of Grit and Grace,” chapter 43.)

May our presidents keep us free from terror, both at home and abroad.
May Almighty God keep us safe and secure in our hearts and in our homes.

photo credit: inktheworld.blogspot.com

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Filed under Remembering 9/11/2001

Tagged as 911, freedom, memoir, Musing, September 11th, social, tradegy, Twin Towers, World Trade Center

August 26, 2015 · 1:00 AM

Ageless!

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Age. Aging. Ageless.

I rarely think about my age, but my body has a way of reminding me whenever I throw my back out or my knee pops. And yes, in the mirror I sometimes notice an extra line here, another wrinkle there, and as I gaze upon certain areas of my physique, I find myself wondering, where did “it” go, and when did “that” change?

From time to time, I muse about my early years in having to grow up so quickly, and then in my teens and young adulthood, when I raised four children. Next thing I knew, my twenties were gone, and my marriage was deteriorating. Divorced in my thirties (I felt like a failure, but ya know, the world did not end), and remarried by my mid-thirties (thank God for new beginnings). I can shout from the rooftop that no marriage is so good that it can’t be made better! (You see, I’ve been married most of my life.) Then, when I approached my early forties, the seasons changed again for me, this time, embracing the wonders of grand-parenting.

So, in my fifties, as I reflect on this aging process—knowing I certainly don’t have all the answers—I’ve learned a thing or two about what life has dealt me.

I read in Psalms 90:12: “So teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts to wisdom.” This passage speaks to me and tells me to make each day count. I must remember to live in the present, not in the yesteryears or in the tomorrows. I must laugh often, love deeply, pray sincerely, and believe that my best days are before me.

As my birthday quickly approaches around the corner (like tomorrow, the 27th), I can’t help but think: have I done all I ever wanted to do? Of course, the answer is a resounding: Not even close. Am I running out of time? I believe life is a gift from God, and I’ll take each day and cherish the moment. He is the reason for every good thing, every heartbeat, and every second chance.

Age … aging … ageless …?

I’ll take ageless!

I may not know what tomorrow holds, but I know Who holds my tomorrow.