Tag Archives: personal growth

November 15, 2025 · 6:48 AM

The Peter Pan Syndrome: When Grown Men Refuse to Grow Up

1 Corinthians 13:11, which states, “When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.”

The boy-man charmer. Peter Pan at 60 isn’t nearly as adorable as at 20.

Ever notice some guys who act like eternal boys—charming, fun, but allergic to responsibility? That’s Peter Pan syndrome in a nutshell: Adult men stuck in Neverland, dodging commitment, chores, or emotional maturity. They want the perks of adulthood (freedom, fun) without the grown-up parts (bills, accountability, sacrifice).

In my family, I have a couple of brothers who fit the Peter Pan syndrome. I love them dearly, but I can’t hang out with them for extended periods of time.

In relationships, it’s toxic. The “Peter” expects you to be Wendy—nurturing, cleaning up messes—while he plays hooky from life. I see echoes in past relationships: All control, zero emotional growth. Red flags? Avoidance of tough talks, financial irresponsibility, blaming others, or bailing when things get real. They unknowingly tend to prioritize personal desires over the needs of others. With the Peter Pans in my past, their main escape was going out with the boys. They often drank excessively.

If you’re in a relationship, ladies, don’t treat a man like a child. Healthy love requires two adults. Encourage growth gently, but set boundaries: “I need a partner, not a project.” Therapy helps Peters fly toward maturity. For us? Choose Tink—sprinkle pixie dust on your own wings and soar solo if needed. Independence isn’t scary; it’s a matter of freedom.

Now, I am not suggesting there’s anything wrong if you are a big kid at heart. I am suggesting embracing the importance of adult responsibilities. Develop self-awareness. If you’re in the trenches, know this: Healing comes. Courage builds. True love respects you first. What’s your fairy tale twist? Share below—I’d love to hear. For more on how fairy tale fantasies can mask emotional dysfunction, read my earlier reflection:

Fairy Tale or a Cinderella Complex?

5 Comments

Filed under Personal reflections

Tagged as adult behavior, boundaries in love, emotional maturity, man-child, personal growth, Peter Pan Syndrome, relationship, toxic relationships

May 9, 2017 · 6:00 PM

Confession of a Daughter

I still get jealous.

I confess.

After all this time, it pains me to admit this, but it’s true. Whenever I hear others express the close bond that they have with their mothers, I marvel at how grand that must be!

And it stings.

Mama used to say: “You can have ten fathers but only one mother.”

I heard that line growing up and believed it. After my parents divorced, I had three different step-dads. In my young state of mind, I didn’t want to share my mama — she wasn’t married to any of them. I wanted us to be by ourselves. But Mama was too busy for me. I’m sure she did the best she could, but nurturing wasn’t in her DNA. Left on my own a great deal, I was a neglected child.

Loneliness was my middle name.

At age nine, once we moved to Florida, my grandma was more like a mother to me. I knew then what a mother’s love felt like and it just wasn’t the same as Mama’s. Not long after my daddy remarried, during visitations, my stepmother loved and welcomed me with open arms. I felt special in her eyes. With Mama, sometimes I felt she didn’t even see me because she was so preoccupied. As I became older, bitterness festered and I wasn’t necessarily a role model teenager either. I just couldn’t wait to leave home and do better than Mama, in search of love. I fell flat on my face. But I learned some things.

I learned Mama was a prisoner in her own mind, but she did the best she knew to do. She felt I was always mature for my age, never realizing how much I needed her. I haven’t stopped loving Mama. I loved her then and I certainly love her now. But because I had no choice but to grow up too fast, our roles have always felt reversed. Most of the time, I felt like I was the mother.

The miles separate, the years have passed, and Mama and I both have since aged. I can look back and forgive my past; it has made me who I am today. I’ve had to learn to forgive Mama a hundred times over, whose harshness and demeanor become more passive and feeble with time. I must show her kindness and love. No, she’s not perfect, but neither am I.

Today, I am someone’s mother and grandmother, a.k.a. Mimi. I pray that my own loved ones will always feel my love, even when we don’t agree.

No matter what.

It takes work. Patience. Prayer.

And much forgiveness.

As for Mama and I: Our communication skills remain much to be desired. I’ll keep working on it.

Mother’s Day is around the corner. It has always been so complicated for me in choosing the right Mother’s Day card. Once again, I find myself putting the cards back on the shelf in search of the one that describes Mama perfectly.

I think I’ll continue to write one for her myself: 14572937_10211331684595701_5234886440039336664_n

To my one and only Mama.

I loved you then.

I love you now.

No matter what.

Love always, still your little girl.

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Filed under Mother's Day, Mother/Daughter

Tagged as forgiveness, Mama, Mothers Day, Musing, patience, personal, personal growth, Prayer, Relationships

February 2, 2016 · 11:01 PM

Hungry. Please Help. God Bless.

With a six-month-old baby, and my oldest just two-and-a-half, I was pregnant again! At nineteen years of age, I had gotten used to people’s stares of me the young, skinny girl with a round, swollen belly, a baby straddled on her hip, while holding the hand of another toddler. Excerpt from Running in Heels: A Memoir of Grit and Grace

That young, skinny girl was me back then.

Today, rushing out of the grocery store, preoccupied with my list of things yet to be done once I got home, I hear a lady’s faint voice call out to me. I look and read the card in her hand: HUNGRY. PLEASE HELP. GOD BLESS. I mumbled under my breath and continue my pace, but not without glancing at a toddler asleep, bundled up in a stroller.

This poor woman called out to me! But for the grace of God, there go I.

I reflect back to a sad place in my life when I could have been her with my own child.

Today, this woman called out to a high school dropout. She was wearing a beautiful watch purchased from her son, a designer purse from her daughter, and an iPhone in her hand. She was wearing a sparkly diamond wedding band, nice clothes, shoes, manicured nails, and a fresh salon hairstyle, and she was climbing into her shiny SUV.

She called out to me! Lord, you’ve brought me further than I ever thought possible.

I cannot help but think back and see in my mind’s eye a young, insecure teenager who owned only one pair of shoes and hand-me-down clothes, wondering where her wandering-eyed husband was, while she struggled to care for her little ones, listening to the rumbling in her own stomach.

She was me!

Although not necessarily rolling in dough, I now have the comforts of home needed to sustain me, with more than enough food in my fridge, cupboards, and belly. I can enjoy many things I couldn’t before, and I have remarried to a wonderful and faithful guy for almost 22 years now.

Giving Hands

I don’t look like I once did.

In my vehicle, I fumble around in my purse and find a $20 bill. I
then drive to where this woman is, roll down my window, and call out to her. Her eyes widen; a smile comes across her face. She gushes, “Thank yous and God bless yous”.

A car honks behind me.

As I drive off, I am left feeling blessed indeed. I whisper a prayer for that young woman and her baby. I am filled with gratitude as I’m reminded of how far God has brought me, knowing He’s not finished with me yet.