Tag Archives: personal

October 22, 2025 · 5:08 AM

The Shadows of my Baby Sister’s Death

I remember first holding you, so tiny in my arms.
Next thing I knew, you turned two, angelic, and quite the charm.
Your silhouette dances in my dreams before my eyes –
Remembering your joy with my simple lullabies.

I imagine your eyes, your voice, your laughter,
Spending time together, nothing else mattered.
I thought about you often before crawling into bed at night.
I loved you deeply and never wanted you out of my sight.

I wish you could tell me what’s on your mind today?
What are the things you’re longing to say?
Would you have married a wonderful husband?
Live in a castle and have many children?

Oh, if only I could see you now. I would run to you. I would hold you and twirl you around!

Oh, sister, there will always be a hole in my heart,
But I guess, somehow I knew that from the start.

If only I had you to talk to, share secrets with, laugh, and cry
I would not be here thinking: Why? Why did you have to die?

Excerpt, Chapter 2 of Running in Heels: A Memoir of Grit and Grace

Soft, velvety cheeks. A round, rosy nose. Dark hair like mine, but curly. Eyes, blue that sparkled like the ocean I’d seen in storybooks. I kissed her sweet-smelling face. Her soft, pudgy hand with tiny fingers curled inside mine. Anna melted my heart. I won’t be alone anymore. I caressed her cheeks and whispered, “I’ll stay by your side for always.”

Soon left with the responsibility of caring for Anna, I became her substitute mother. I loved her and took care of her as best as a seven-year-old could.

8 Comments

Filed under Loss, poetry

Tagged as death, grief, mourn, personal, sister, sorrow

October 10, 2025 · 12:28 PM

Happy Birthday to Mama in Heaven

Dear Mama,

It’s been three years since you’ve been gone from us … you would have turned 91 years old today. I know you are celebrating the best birthday ever. On this day, I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday in heaven.

I hope you know you are sorely missed. It’s no secret we’ve been through some hard times together. Although you weren’t the perfect mother, I wasn’t the perfect daughter. Perhaps, we were perfect for each other. I pretty much miss everything about you! Never thought I’d say, even your bickering over something or about someone. I miss buying you trinkets, pretty blouses, and taking you to a nice restaurant. It was good to help you forget problems and enjoy your special day. Making you smile meant everything to me.

In the end, it hurt to let you go, but seeing you suffer in pain was worse. I asked the Lord that you’d still be around on Mother’s Day. And God called you home in time; it was on Mother’s Day at 3 pm. You are totally healed now. You have no more pain. There is no discomfort, or tears, or worry. You are with your Savior and loved ones who have gone on before you. Please send them all my love.

I will never forget you. Sending you kisses and all my love, Mama.

Always your Little Girl.

5 Comments

Filed under Mama

Tagged as daughter, death, grief, life, love, memories, mourning, personal, relationship, reminiscing

August 23, 2025 · 5:27 AM

Life. Time. Aging.

As I approach another birthday, I reflect on the fleeting nature of life. I consider the urgency of time and the grace of aging. Through scripture, memories, and personal growth, I’m reminded that our best days may still lie ahead.

LIFE:

~ has many twists and turns. It is fleeting and fragile. In an instant, it can be gone! We don’t know what tomorrow holds.

Hurricanes
Flooding
Earthquakes
Riots/Shootings
Tragedies
Sickness

Are we seizing the day?

So many times, I feel aimless, inadequate, and inept. Yet, I know I have a purpose and a calling. Think about what your own Desires, Goals, and Plans are.

We can all ask ourselves: What is my purpose? What is my destiny in life? Are they obtainable, worthy, and healthy? Are they Your plans, Lord?

God gave us the gift of LIFE; it is up to us to give ourselves the gift of giving.

To succeed in LIFE, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone, and a funny bone.

Now the Bible says: But do not overlook this one fact, beloved, that with the Lord one day is as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day.

Matt 6:24 “So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

TIME:

~ In my younger years, I felt invincible – TIME was my friend.

Now TIME feels like a constant reminder that it’s running out! In the wink of an eye, it can be taken away. Looking back, I regretted those times when I foolishly vacillated from doing what I knew was right. Next thing I knew, it was too late to:

Undo a wrong; never got the chance to say I’m sorry
Undo a hurt; left with regrets
Tell someone that I love and appreciate them

My husband says: It’s never too early, it’s always too late.

Don’t you wish you had forgiven quickly? Made peace with another sooner? Loved harder? I. Sure. Do.

We must use TIME as a tool, not as a crutch.

Know the true value of TIME; snatch, seize, and enjoy every moment of it. No idleness, no laziness, no procrastination: never put off till tomorrow what you can do today.

AGING:

~ As a senior myself now, I can’t help but reflect on the aging process …

I muse about my earlier years in having to grow up so fast. I wasn’t given a choice. Then, in my teens and young adulthood, I struggled in a painful, unrequited marriage, raising four children.

Next thing I knew, my twenties were gone, and my 15-year marriage was deteriorating. Separated and divorced in my thirties, I felt like a failure. But you know what? The world did not end. Thank God for new beginnings! By my mid-thirties, I found true love and remarried; Mark and I are presently in our 31st year.

In my early forties, the season changed again, and I welcomed the joys of grand parenting. They’ve brought such delight to my heart and kept me on the go!

In my fifties, I experienced the notorious body aches and pains. During this time, we cared for a dear little centenarian around the clock. She taught me about living one day at a time: in having a 90% attitude and 10% circumstance.

In my sixties, like a leaf in the wind, I had to let go. I sadly said so long to my mama. You never feel ready. You can’t help but think about the “should’ve,” “could’ve,” and “would’ve! And wouldn’t you know, within three months after that, I embraced the wonders of great-grand parenting. And she is GREAT.

As I reflect on this aging process, I realize I still don’t have all the answers. However, I believe I’ve learned a thing or two about what life has dealt me. Someone said, “Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be.”

The body has a way of reminding me about “aging” whenever I throw my back out or pop my knee. And yes, that dreaded mirror cannot tell a lie. I’ll notice a line here and another wrinkle there. I gaze upon certain areas of my physique and wonder: How can this be? Who are you? What in the world is that? Where did “it” go? Why is this happening? And when did that change?

I’m especially saddened when I think about loved ones as they became frail and aged …

A dear aunt from New York prayed and believed in my writing project from the start. She had prayed that it would come to fruition. Sadly, she became ill and never got the chance to read my memoir after it was published.
I could go to my grandparents about anything. They were my backbone. They loved me unconditionally. How I miss them!
After observing Mama’s lack of mobility, she came to live with us. After about 5 years, she needed surgery, becoming bedridden afterwards. Then, a few months later, she sadly passed.
Daddy, who lives in Florida, recently turned 92. I feel I don’t get to see him enough. He is in the beginning stages of dementia. I pray he never forgets me.

Truthfully, some of my dreams have reached their expiration date. Realistically, I can’t go back there. However, this passage speaks to me and tells me to make each day count: Psalms 90:12 So teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts to wisdom

I heard someone share about his fears. He felt his best days were behind him. He feared he had not achieved what he set out to do. He worried about being a middle-aged person, wondering if he added up to anything.

So naturally, I be thinking: What legacy will I leave behind when I’m finished with this race? What I do today, will it count for something worthwhile tomorrow? When I am long gone, will I merely be a faded memory, or will I burn in someone’s heart? Will my deeds be forgotten? Buried? Or lost?

We must remember to live in the present,

not in the yesteryears or in the tomorrow.

We must laugh often, love deeply, pray sincerely,

and believe that our best days are before us.

Yesterday’s the past, tomorrow’s the future, but today is a gift. That’s why it’s called the present. Do not regret growing older; it is a privilege denied by many.

Let’s live our lives with integrity and purpose. This life can beat us down with trials, sorrows, and debilitating worries. When it seems hopeless, let God’s messages about our future for the believer bring hope, which can deeply encourage us.

1 Corinthians 2:9

“Eye has not seen, nor ear heard, nor have entered into the heart of man the things which God has prepared for those who love Him.”

Our heart’s desire is to hear the Lord say one day: “Well done, good and faithful servant; you were faithful over a few things, I will make you ruler over many things. Enter into the joy of your Lord.”

And one more thing: Know that God’s timing is perfect. He’s never early, and He’s never late!

As I continue this journey, I’m working to bring my memoir to life in Spanish. I aim to honor my heritage and reach hearts across cultures. If you feel led to support this vision, I invite you to visit the Translation Project and help make it a reality: 👉 👉 >>> GoFundMe <<<

10 Comments

Filed under Aging & Life Lessons, Faith & Spirituality, Legacy & Purpose

Tagged as aging gracefully, birthday reflections, God's timing, life transitions, Musing, personal

June 21, 2025 · 8:37 AM

Finding Strength in Joy Amid Life’s Trials

What exactly is joy?

I’ve heard it said, “The world didn’t give it to you and the world can’t take it away.”

Joy: a feeling of great pleasure and happiness. At least that’s what I read online. Sounds good to me, but I know from experience that pleasure and happiness don’t last. Let’s face it, most of us look to others to please us. We often look to others to make us happy. We also look for things to bring us pleasure and happiness. But if we’re honest, that in itself is fleeting, isn’t it? Before you know it, we’re needing another fix!

So, how is “joy” different?

The Bible teaches that the joy of the Lord is our strength. (Nehemiah 8:10b); I love that! But can one experience joy while going through everyday life with its many toils, twists, and turns? To be honest, during times of trauma, the thought of joy escapes me. I mean, I’m not necessarily thinking about joy during these times. Matter of fact, I may even kick and scream (inwardly), and even have actual meltdown periods, or panic attacks.

When I read my Bible, I am reminded that the joy of the Lord is my strength. This is what it means to me: it’s a joy unspeakable and full of glory!

I may not be able to explain it, put my finger on it, or even see it. But I know it’s there – I know it in my knower. (Bear with me, please, I’m fully aware this isn’t “correct” English.) But I just know that I know. It’s not an “in your face” kind of thing. It’s not necessarily giddiness. It’s not even a denial of difficulties. For me, it’s a reassurance that everything will be all right. I may not understand some things, even while having a breakdown, feeling sad, or grieving.

The pain is real. The battle is real. But so is the joy real. This joy is indescribable. Come hell or high water, I feel safe and secure in my Heavenly Father’s arms. It feels just like when I was a child in my earthly daddy’s arms. Even in the midst of pain and sorrow, here is where there’s strength and comfort. This joy floods the heart; it brings inner peace and strength, even though everything else around may be chaotic.

I didn’t always know this or believe this. But through my experiences, I’ve learned a few things. Learn to be still. Quiet. Wait on God’s perfect timing. Life happens. Happiness is fleeting. Pleasure is temporary. But the joy of the Lord remains constant regardless of circumstances and situations.

Joy is the best makeup – Anne Lamott

Excuse me while I put on some makeup.

Have you experienced this joy?

https://gofund.me/3f5e598b

2 Comments

Filed under Isaiah 61:3

Tagged as Anne Lamott, bible, Christianity, comfort, Faith, inner strength, inner-struggles, Isaiah 61:3, joy, life, Musing, personal

May 30, 2025 · 8:17 PM

A Breech Birth Experience

AT 19 YEARS OLD, MY MIND REELING, I tossed and turned and kicked off the covers. I struggled to get out of bed; for the fifth time that night, I floundered toward the bathroom.
“Where are you going now?” Donny demanded.
    I turned the bathroom light on. “Need to go again, Donny.”
    “Didn’t you just go?”
    “I’m feeling a lot of pressure in my bladder.” How I wished to erase the sneer from his face. “Didn’t mean to wake . . . ”
    He responded by sucking air through his teeth and then flipped over, turning his back to me.
   Unable to get proper rest, I had started cramping at 3:30 that morning. Around midday, the cramps grew stronger. By 3 p.m., the pain had become agonizing, but still irregular, followed by spotting. The instant Donny walked in from work, I said, “It’s time.”
    We arrived at Rosewood General. An attendant assisted me into a wheelchair. When I sat down, my water broke, so much for dignity.
    Once I was in my room, the nurse examined me. She discovered I was already dilated to six. This meant I was in the second stage of labor. Glancing down at my belly, I found the shape oddly lopsided, oval, no longer round. Much to my dismay, after the nurse’s probing, she mentioned in a concerned voice that she felt a foot.
    The doctor ordered an emergency X-ray. Apparently, at the last moment, my baby had turned and remained in a breech position. The X-ray also revealed that the umbilical cord had wrapped around the neck. The medical staff prepped me and gave me an epidural. They then confirmed that I needed to have a Cesarean. This time, Donny remained in the waiting room.
    During the birthing process, even though I was awake, I felt nothing from the waist down. I concentrated on trying to relax and comprehend what the doctors and nurses were discussing. A large blue drape blocked my view of the entire birthing process.
    I couldn’t keep my upper body from shaking. Even my teeth chattered, and the uncontrollable tremors caused my shoulders to ache, as if ready to fall off. Petrifying thoughts raced through my mind. I feared something was terribly wrong. When I heard someone say, “Here she comes,” the “she” rang loud in my mind: another girl.
    But why won’t she cry?
    Time stopped. I prayed. Felt like forever.
    At last, wails from strong lungs pierced the room. My doctor smiled and held my six- pound- four-ounce baby. “It’s a girl.”
    I reached out for her, anxious to see if she was all right. She looks so small, red, and wrinkled, unlike Anna Marie when she was born. And she had one purple arm!

An excerpt from “Running in Heels: A Memoir of Grit and Grace”

Life sometimes will throw you a curve. Ever experienced the feeling of being out of control? How about the fear of the unknown and the what-ifs? Although this was my second child, the entire process was different than with the birth of my firstborn. I was not prepared. I lacked the moral support of my former husband. All my family members lived out of state. Most of the time, I felt alone and inept in my role. But I learned to be an overcomer. And if I can make it, so can you! Want to know more about my journey? You can read all about it in my memoir,
"Running in Heels: A Memoir of Grit and Grace".

8 Comments

Filed under Birth & Motherhood, Memoir Excerpts

Tagged as anxiety, breech birth, C-section, determination, newborn, overcomer, overwhelmed, personal, teenage motherhood, trauma, vunerable moments

October 9, 2024 · 11:25 AM

Happy Birthday, Mama! 10/10/34 – 5/14/23

Dear Mama,

I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday in heaven today. I hope you know you are sorely missed. It’s no secret we’ve been through some hard times together. Although you weren’t the perfect mother, I wasn’t the perfect daughter. Perhaps, we were perfect for each other. I pretty much miss everything about you. Never thought I’d say, even your bickering over something or about someone. I miss buying you trinkets, pretty blouses, and taking you to a nice restaurant. It was good to help you forget problems and enjoy your special day. Making you smile meant everything to me. In the end, it hurt to let you go, but seeing you suffer in pain was worse. I asked the Lord that you’d still be around on Mother’s Day. And God called you home in time; it was on Mother’s Day at 3 pm. You are totally healed now. You have no more pain. There is no discomfort or worry. You are with your Savior and loved ones who have gone on before you. Send them all my love.

Sending you kisses and all my love, Mama.

Always your Little Girl.

I Miss My Baby Sister

5 Comments

Filed under grief

Tagged as grief, love, memoir, memories, music, personal, reminiscing, sister

August 31, 2024 · 10:18 AM

Embracing the Seasons

I rarely think about my age. However, my body sure reminds me whenever I throw my back out. It also reminds me of when my knee pops. And yes, in the mirror, I sometimes notice an extra line here or another wrinkle there. I gaze upon certain areas of my physique. I wonder where “it” went and when “that” changed.

From time to time, I muse about my early years. I had to grow up so fast. Then, I had four small children in my teens and young adulthood. The next thing I knew, my twenties were gone, and my marriage was deteriorating. Divorced in my thirties – I felt like a failure, but the world did not end. I remarried by my mid-thirties. Thank God for new beginnings. I can shout from the rooftop that no marriage is so good that it can’t be made better! (You see, I’ve been married most of my life.) In my forties, I embraced the wonders of grand-parenting. In my fifties, I felt the notorious body aches and pains. I found myself being a caregiver to a dear little centenarian. She taught me about living one day at a time.

In my sixties, the seasons changed again for me. This time, I sadly had to say so long to my mama. Within three months, I embraced the wonders of great-grandparenting. And she is GREAT.

As I reflect on this aging process, I realize I don’t have all the answers. However, I believe I’ve learned a thing or two about what life has dealt me. Someone said, “Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be.”

I read Psalms 90:12: “So teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts to wisdom.” This passage speaks to me and tells me to make each day count. I must remember to live in the present, not the yesteryears or tomorrows. I must remember to laugh often, love deeply, pray sincerely, and believe that my best days are before me.

Another birthday has come and gone. I can’t help but think: Have I done all I ever wanted to do? Of course, the answer is a resounding no: not even close. Am I running out of time? That’s God’s business. I believe life is a gift from God, and I’ll take each day and cherish the moment. He is the reason for every good thing, every heartbeat, and every second chance. Each. And. Everyday.

I may not know what tomorrow holds, but I know Who holds my tomorrow.

I am thankful for God’s goodness and the love I still see in my grown children’s eyes. I cherish the laughter of my grandchildren’s voices and the giggles of my great-granddaughter. The warmth of my husband’s embrace fills my heart. I am grateful for the scent of rain lingering in the air. The taste of grateful tears streaming down my cheeks reminds me of my joy. I am thankful for yet another year with loved ones and friends.

Someone said age is a myth and beauty is a state of mind. I like that.

May I grow old gracefully, forever blooming where I am planted,
one petal at a time.

“Running in Heels: A Memoir of Grits and Grace” by Mary A. Pérez

3 Comments

Filed under Gift of Life

Tagged as aging, birthday, blessings, gratitude, growth, life, maturing, milestone, Musing, personal, Psalm 90:12, reminiscing, time

July 16, 2024 · 6:04 AM

In the Eye of the Storm

This has been a week of swirling events that boggle the mind.

I never liked hurricanes from my childhood days growing up in Miami. As an adult living in Houston, I certainly didn’t want them now.

We prepared for the anticipated Hurricane Beryl to cross our path. We filled our vehicles with gas. We went grocery shopping for water and all the necessities while supplies last. My husband filled our portable generator and several oil lanterns with fuel. We hunkered down, determined to make the best of the situation.

On Mon, July 8th, Hurricane Beryl made landfall around 3:30 a.m. The pelting rain on the windows woke us. She was a Category 1 storm with 80-mph damaging winds and beating down hard. In no time, the roads flooded and we had tornado warnings. At least 3 people were reported dead from this detrimental storm. Sure enough, we had a power outage. I looked at the time: 6:14 am. Thank goodness, my husband soon cranked up the generator. That generator kept both refrigerators running, the TV, a couple of fans, and my computer for work. Thankfully, our internet never went down.

That afternoon, we assessed our property for damages. Besides tree branches and leaves scattered across the backyard, our roof and wooden fence remained intact. We gladly helped a neighbor in two ways. We kept their meat in our freezer. We also charged their phone charger every day. Our gas stove cooked warm meals, and we used oil lanterns for light in the evenings.

When evening came, it was still cool enough from the heat. I opened the windows as I continued to work from home with a small fan blowing on me. But with each passing hour, the heat intensified, becoming an unwelcome distant cousin of Hurricane Beryl. Thank God for being able to take cool showers!

Over 2.4 million people were left without power. By Tuesday morning, 100% of the rain had come down, which meant we had to close the windows. We knew this delayed CenterPoint Energy from restoring our power. I tried to stay upbeat, but truthfully, I became irritable, gripping, and listless.

By day three, with our power still out, I drove to the office, as their power had been fully restored. I drove through my neighborhood that morning. I was flabbergasted to see all the debris, fallen branches, and uprooted trees. One tree had toppled over a house in my subdivision! My heart went out to that family. I realized that no matter the circumstances, it can always be worse. I asked the Lord to help me weather the aftermath of this storm.

Saturday – day six, and still no power. I was thankful for our ongoing generator. I worked half a day from home. I prepared a meal in the crockpot and relaxed in my recliner. I sat near the bedroom window to watch a Netflix series. Later that evening, my son ran in saying that Trump had been shot. My heart skipped a beat as I turned on the news. We remained glued to the TV. We watched and re-watched the horrific attempted assassination of former President Donald Trump. It happened at a campaign rally in Pennsylvania. The time was approximately 7:15 pm CDT.

Trump dodged a bullet when he turned his head at just the right moment. This resulted only in nicking his upper right ear. This was a close call – I believe – an act of divine intervention. God is not finished with him yet. The Secret Service rushed Trump off the stage into the SUV. He showed remarkable resiliency, courage, and strength. He encouraged the crowds cheering for him at the rally.

“God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.” Psalm 46:1

We are not promised tomorrow. We can only live for today and strive to do our best with what we have been entrusted with. We all come from different walks of life. As a Christian, I certainly don’t have all the answers; in fact, I am left with more questions about today. The Bible says, “It rains on the just and unjust.” I know that my God is still on the throne. Nothing takes Him by surprise.

I thought about God’s protection and what being in the eye of the storm meant. There are many storms in this life. Storms can be so intense. If you let them, they’ll shake you to the core and rob you of your peace. They’ll take away your joy and even your sanity. May we learn to trust in the One who calms the seas and the storms, and rest in Him.

I am happy to report that a little past 8:00 p.m. on that same Saturday night, the power came back. Oh, and it returned to our area. This definitely was one emotionally taxing six days, and I am forever grateful this chapter is behind us.

“In order to realize the worth of the anchor, we need to feel the stress of the storm.” Corrie ten Boom