Tag Archives: Mothers Day

May 7, 2024 · 10:38 PM

Dear Mama,

My heart is heavy thinking about you today. It doesn’t seem possible that it’s been a year since you’ve been gone. One of the hardest things was letting go and relinquishing you into God’s hands. He took you home on Mother’s Day around 3 pm. I believe you received the best Mother’s Day gift ever. It was difficult to see you in pain, a prisoner in your own body, lying in that bed. I never gave up on you, Mama! But I had to let you go. You had suffered enough.

In the end, friends and family came together for a celebration of life in honor of you. I’m sure the Lord gave you a glimpse of this side of heaven. You saw your beautiful flowers and heard the music choice. I know you would have been pleased and touched by what was said on your behalf. You were loved. And you are sorely missed.

I think about you often, especially during the holidays. You were always a vital part of our household. You sat at the dinner table, surrounded by family and chatter. You always enjoyed our delicious home-cooked meals. I think about you whenever I cook one of your favorites. I’m glad I can look back at some photos and see you grinning with your plate full! I loved to make you smile. Whenever I’d see a pretty blouse or jewelry, I’d buy it for you. I knew it would please you. Even bringing you a banana split or a vanilla shake did the trick.

Reflecting back, my heart is also heavy for the times I grew impatient with you. I had tried to express how sorry I was for any harsh words spoken out of frustration between us. I’m grateful that our God is merciful, and His grace covers us. We were not the perfect mother-and-daughter role model. Our words weren’t always laced with honey. But we were quick to forgive each other. After all, you were my Mama, and I remained your little girl.

You know, you went with us to Miami. I took some of your remains. I scattered them alongside Grandma & Grandpa. I also scattered them alongside my baby sister, whom we lost so long ago. You always wanted to be near them. I know this was more healing for my benefit, but I wanted you to know I hadn’t forgotten.

Oh, Mama, you have a precious great-great-granddaughter now! You would be tickled-pink and all over her! She was born three months after your passing, two days before my birthday.

Mama. You. Were. Right. You can have ten fathers, but only one mother! Mother’s Day is around the corner. I still imagine you sitting at the dinner table across from me. But your chair is empty now. You are gone, but will forever live in our hearts until we meet again.

I hope you know, you are loved beyond words. Missed beyond measure.

With all my love, always your little girl.

I also took Mama to Puerto Rico with me to scatter some of her remains…

Philippians 1:3 “I thank my God every time I remember you.”

Filed under Mama

Tagged as forgiveness, God's grace, Mama, mercy, mother-daughter relationships, Mothers Day, Musing, personal, reflection, role model

May 14, 2023 · 10:30 AM

Mother’s Day in Heaven: 10/10/34 – 5/14/2023

Her heart still beats!

When you thought I wasn’t looking

Author: Unknown

When you thought I wasn’t looking,

I saw you hang my first painting on the refrigerator,

and I wanted to paint another one.

When you thought I wasn’t looking,

I saw you feed a stray cat,

and I thought it was good to be kind to animals.

When you thought I wasn’t looking,

I saw you make my favorite cake for me,

and I knew that little things are special things.

When you thought I wasn’t looking,

I heard you say a prayer,

and I believed that there was a God to talk to.

When you thought I wasn’t looking,

I felt you kiss me goodnight,

and I felt loved.

When you thought I wasn’t looking,

I saw tears come from your eyes,

and I learned that sometimes things hurt,

but it’s alright to cry.

When you thought I wasn’t looking,

I saw that you cared,

and I wanted to be everything that I could be.

When you thought I wasn’t looking,

I looked…

and I wanted to say thanks for all the things

I saw when you thought I wasn’t looking.

Becoming a Mom is watching your heart walk outside your body.

To all the Mommys out there. Your little ones are watching …

always remember your job is important and will make a great

impact for all eternity.

3 Comments

Filed under Mother's Day

Tagged as children, Mother, motherhood, Mothers Day, Poetry

May 5, 2020 · 8:00 AM

A horrific day for our country. In shock, I watched the Space
Shuttle Challenger breaks apart and burns just seconds into its
flight. Five men and two women tragically lost their lives for
the good of all humanity. They lived their dream by serving
others. I may not have known them personally, but they died
as heroes.

Three months later, on April 3, 1986, sickness reduced an
eighty-six-year-old unsung Puerto Rican woman to skin
and bones as she lost her bout with cancer. She wasn’t affluent.
Refined. Or famous. But she was loved. Adored. And my
heroine.

When Mama called me and told me about Grandma’s final
moments, sobs stuck in my throat. She expressed how she
had sat at my grandma’s bedside, terrified, while listening to
her breathing in short, laborious rasps.

“Your grandma’s parting words were, ‘God is calling me
now,’ and then she gazed up at the ceiling.” Mama spoke dolefully.
“So, I asked her, ‘How do you know?’ But she didn’t
speak anymore. She closed her eyes and I held her close.”

Mama’s trembling voice was broken by sobs. “I . . . told her
that I loved her. And I said to her, ‘You carried me for
nine months.’”

I pictured that heart-rending image of Grandma’s gentle
countenance and Mama struggling to convey her love to her.
And I thought, Oh Mama, she carried you longer than nine
months. My insides ached, knowing that in her heart and
prayers, Grandma carried us all.

My grief came in waves. Looking back, I know God spared
me from becoming hopelessly morbid and consumed with
anguish. Grandma wouldn’t have wanted that. Knowing she
no longer suffered, I believed her final heartbeat didn’t mean
the end but the beginning!

I wanted to celebrate her life when I journeyed back to
help with her memorial.

Once a plump woman, Grandma had lost so much weight
in her final days. She had always loved a simple white Easter
dress that belonged to me and requested that when the time
came we’d bury her in it. My dress fitted her perfectly then. I
also asked that everyone wear white instead of the customary
black garments at her funeral.

White carnations—Grandma’s favorite—covered her
opened casket. I stood, my eyes caressing her still face, now
so thin. Vivid images of her life jumped into my thoughts. I
saw her on her knees pleading with God to be merciful to her
loved ones. I recalled her many prayers of gratitude for another
day. I pictured her lips mouthing the holy scriptures as she read her
Bible, with her index finger pointing to the sentences across
the worn pages. I could still hear the sound of her soft voice
calling my name. I remembered the merriment of her laughter
after listening to one of my silly jokes.

Hot tears blinded me and I couldn’t blink them away.
In my mind’s eye, Grandma came to me. I could hear her.
Feel her. Touch her. Her love, her hugs, and her kisses embraced me.

We honored her memory and her passing from this life
into the next.

A gentle breeze blew the heat of the day; the sun hid behind
the clouds. The scent of rain permeated the air.
As it started to drizzle, my heart was comforted. Grandma always
considered it a good omen if it rained on the day, someone
laid to rest.

Before long, her coffin lay in a crypt next to her cherished
husband, my grandpa.

At last, Grandma’s labors had ended. Thank God, she
hurt no more.

(Excerpt from Chap. 37 “Running in Heels: A Memoir of Grit and Grace” by Mary A. Pérez)

Footnote: Dear Readers, on this Mother’s Day coming up, gone from us for more than three decades, I remember my precious grandma who I mentioned in my book. Matter of fact, both Mama and I miss her terribly. Grandma was the undisputed, caring matriarch of our familia; a ray of sunshine in our entire existence. She rarely complained or thought about herself. She was a selfless soul, showering love and kindness to others. Impeccable in my eyes, she truly was our unsung hero. We cherish her memories.

1 Comment

Filed under heroine, Running in Heels: A Memoir of Grit and Grace

Tagged as death, heroine, memoir, memory, Mothers Day, reflection, reminiscence

May 9, 2019 · 12:19 PM

Mother’s Day is Everyday

Last year, my oldest daughter and I were asked to be a part of a workshop at our church, speaking about adult daughters and their mother’s relationships. We made a list and examined our strengths as well as our, ahem, weaknesses. I knew from experience that mother-daughter relationships can be both complex and diverse.

There are many ups and downs, no matter how positive or complicated, in testing relationships. Psychologists say that daughters’ primary complaints are with mothers trying to baby them and being overly critical and demanding. From the mom’s perspective, daughters don’t listen to them, make poor choices, and have zero time for them.

I did not find this teaching comfortable or an easy topic. Parenting has many challenges, and this thing called “motherhood” hit me between the eyes at an early age. My mom raised me pretty much as a single mom, as she never married after she and my dad split. She had common law relationships–I can think of three–and I was pretty much left alone. So yeah, I was neglected and raised myself. As a matter of fact, our roles were reversed, and so, I’ve always felt that my childhood was taken from me!

I left home early and married very young. I had my first child at 17, and by the time I was 22, I had my 4^th. Ironically enough, I made many of the same parenting mistakes as my own mother. I wrote about my journey as a daughter, wife, and mother. You can say I was a real hot mess back then. In retrospect, I thank God that He rescued me from myself! Now that my children are adults, I can think of many things I did wrong and regret in my role. But nothing worthwhile comes easy; at least it never did for me!

There are defeats and triumphs in every challenge, and we all have some scars along the way.

Lamentations 3:22-23: “It is of the Lord’s mercies that we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.”

I am familiar with the power struggles, the pet peeves, and the miscommunications.

What I see in my daughter(s), the good, the bad, and the ugly – I sometimes see a reflection of myself. Oh! Those flaws! Clearly, I may not always like what I see … or hear. But you know what? We’re on the same team – we love each other and are there for one another.

Jer 31:16: Thus says the LORD, “Restrain your voice from weeping And your eyes from tears; For your work will be rewarded,” declares the LORD, “And they will return from the land of the enemy.”

I can’t stress how I prayed, interceded, and wept for my wayward child (children). But as mothers, that’s what we do! We don’t give up, and we don’t let up until we have God’s peace. Know that it’ll be in His time frame, not necessarily in ours. And when God does it, it’ll surely work. He’ll leave nothing undone.

HOW CAN WE BE STRONGER TOGETHER?

Here are a few golden nuggets from my own firstborn’s perspective:

Everybody knows that TWO heads are better than ONE. In Girl Scouts and the 4H Club, you learn that three strands of string make a strong rope. To play harmony on a piano, you play with two or more notes. And as you know, you won’t find a giant redwood tree standing alone!

Teaching by example and learning by experience, values, and skills help us become stronger together.
Spending quality time with one another, such as meal times and outings, strengthens us as a family.
Appreciating each other – showing love and affection.
Sharing a laugh builds us up – laughter is good medicine.
Sharing responsibilities and accomplishing tasks together.
Stand by each other in times of trouble, uniting and pulling together when things get tough… when we encourage each other, we are stronger.

Most importantly, we become stronger when we learn to forgive each other, be open and honest, and be KIND. Remember: attack the problem, not each other.

We encourage each other, consult with each other, spend time together, and learn and grow from each other. No matter the circumstances, despite feelings, perspectives, weaknesses, and “bumps” along the way, when we face life together, find God together, and pray together—all of these acts and then some—we can get through it and be stronger together!

My daughter(s) and I have come a long way.

Ps 90:12 “So teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts to wisdom.

Here are my own acronyms for MOTHER & DAUGHTER:

M ake the first move

O mit malice

T hink before responding

H ave realistic expectations

E xtend grace

R epair damage quickly

D is to forgive offenses

A gree to disagree

U nity is better than division

G ather your words with prayer

H old unto hope

T alk about ways to communicate

E mbrace change for the better

R espect each other

If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.

MotherAndSon MotherAndDaughters

And by the way, I also have an adorable son close to my hip! God is good!

IMG_1228_2

2 Comments

Filed under Mother's Day, Relationships

Tagged as building relationships, Communication, Faith, Family, inspiration, life, motherhood, Mothers Day, parenting, Prayer, relationship issues, stronger together, unity

May 19, 2018 · 9:44 PM

Mother’s Day is Everyday

My oldest daughter and I were asked to be a part of a workshop at our church speaking on adult daughters and their mother’s relationships. We made a list and examined our strengths as well as our weaknesses. I know from experience that mother-daughter relationships can be both complex and diverse.

There are many ups and downs, no matter how positive or complicated, in testing relationships. Psychologists say the daughters’ primary complaints are that their mothers try to baby them by being overly critical and demanding. From the mom’s perspective, daughters don’t listen to them, make poor choices, and have zero time for them.

I do not find this teaching comfortable or an easy topic for me. Parenting has many challenges, and this thing called “motherhood” hit me between the eyes at an early age. My mom raised me pretty much as a single mom, as she never married after she and my dad split. She had common law relationships–I can think of three–and I was pretty much left alone. So yeah, I was neglected and raised myself. As a matter of fact, our roles were reversed, and so I’ve always felt that my childhood was taken from me!

There are defeats and triumphs in every challenge, and we all have some scars along the way.

Lamentations 3:22-23: “It is of the Lord’s mercies that we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.”

I am familiar with the power struggles, the pet peeves, and the miscommunications.

What I see in my daughter(s), the good, the bad, and the ugly – I sometimes see a reflection of myself. Oh, those flaws! Clearly, I may not always like what I see … or hear. But you know what? We’re on the same team – we love each other and are there for one another.

I can’t stress how I prayed, interceded, and wept for my wayward child (children). But as mothers, that’s what we do! We don’t give up, and we don’t let up until we have God’s peace. Know that it’ll be in His time frame, not necessarily ours. And when God does it, it’ll surely work. He leaves nothing undone.

HOW CAN WE BE STRONGER TOGETHER?

These are a few golden nuggets from my own firstborn’s perspective:

Everybody knows that TWO heads are better than ONE. In Girl Scouts and the 4H Club, you’d learn that three strands of string make a strong rope. To play harmony on a piano, you’d play with two or more notes. And you know, you won’t find a giant redwood tree standing alone!

Teaching by example and learning by experience, values, and skills help us become stronger together.
Spending quality time with one another, such as meal times and outings, strengthens us as a family.
Appreciating each other – showing love and affection.
Sharing a laugh builds us up – laughter is good medicine.
Sharing responsibilities and accomplishing tasks together.
Stand by each other in times of trouble, uniting and pulling together when things get tough… when we encourage each other, we are stronger.

Most importantly, when we learn to forgive each other, be open and honest, yet kind, we become stronger. Remember: attack the problem, not each other.

My daughter(s) and I have come a long way. And we have yet further to go.

Ps 90:12 “So teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts to wisdom.”

Here are my acronyms for MOTHER & DAUGHTER:

M ake the first move

O mit malice

T hink before responding

H ave realistic expectations

E xtend grace

R epair damage quickly

D are to forgive offenses

A gree to disagree

U nity is better than division

G ather your words with prayer

H old unto hope

T alk about ways to communicate

E mbrace change for the better

R espect each other

If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.

8 Comments

Filed under Mother/Daughter, Relationships

Tagged as building relationships, Communication, Faith, mother and daughter, motherhood, Mothers Day, Prayer, relationship issues, stronger together, unity

May 11, 2018 · 2:29 PM

Mother’s Day Tribute to the Women in my Family

Becoming a Mom is watching your heart walk outside your body.

As I reflect on Mother’s Day, I am thinking about the mothers in my own family. Some of us had nurturing in our DNA; some of us never got the memo. Some of us got it down pat; some of us continue to learn by trial and error. None of us are perfect or have it all together. But no matter what, our bloodline flows strong, and our hearts beat true. Children are a blessing. I believe as we look upon our children, young and old, the beating of our hearts never ceases to flutter. Some of us ease into our roles, and some of us, not so much. No one ever gave me a manual on Motherhood, and even if they did, the writer most likely didn’t have children of their own. Why? Because we learn by experience, and we learn by trial and error.

As I gaze upon the eyes of each Mother represented here, I see the sadness of some unanswered prayers, worries about tomorrow, regrets of yesteryear, and the fear of failure. But I also see love, joy, perseverance, tenderness, belonging, pride, and hope for the future — a better tomorrow.

One thing my mother always said and it is worth repeating: You can have ten fathers but only one mother.

Mothers, stand in the gap for your children. No matter what, never give up on them. And in our twilight years, may our children never give up on us.

Confession of a Daughter

I still get jealous.

I confess.

After all this time, it pains me to admit this, but it’s true. Whenever I hear others express the close bond that they have with their mothers, I marvel at how grand that must be!

And it stings.

Mama used to say: “You can have ten fathers but only one mother.”

I heard that line growing up and believed it. After my parents divorced, I had three different step-dads. In my young state of mind, I didn’t want to share my mama — she wasn’t married to any of them. I wanted us to be by ourselves. But Mama was too busy for me. I’m sure she did the best she could, but nurturing wasn’t in her DNA. Left on my own a great deal, I was a neglected child.

Loneliness was my middle name.

At age nine, once we moved to Florida, my grandma was more like a mother to me. I knew then what a mother’s love felt like and it just wasn’t the same as Mama’s. Not long after my daddy remarried, during visitations, my stepmother loved and welcomed me with open arms. I felt special in her eyes. With Mama, sometimes I felt she didn’t even see me because she was so preoccupied. As I became older, bitterness festered and I wasn’t necessarily a role model teenager either. I just couldn’t wait to leave home and do better than Mama, in search of love. I fell flat on my face. But I learned some things.

I learned Mama was a prisoner in her own mind, but she did the best she knew to do. She felt I was always mature for my age, never realizing how much I needed her. I haven’t stopped loving Mama. I loved her then and I certainly love her now. But because I had no choice but to grow up too fast, our roles have always felt reversed. Most of the time, I felt like I was the mother.

The miles separate, the years have passed, and Mama and I both have since aged. I can look back and forgive my past; it has made me who I am today. I’ve had to learn to forgive Mama a hundred times over, whose harshness and demeanor become more passive and feeble with time. I must show her kindness and love. No, she’s not perfect, but neither am I.

Today, I am someone’s mother and grandmother, a.k.a. Mimi. I pray that my own loved ones will always feel my love, even when we don’t agree.

No matter what.

It takes work. Patience. Prayer.

And much forgiveness.

As for Mama and I: Our communication skills remain much to be desired. I’ll keep working on it.

Mother’s Day is around the corner. It has always been so complicated for me in choosing the right Mother’s Day card. Once again, I find myself putting the cards back on the shelf in search of the one that describes Mama perfectly.

I think I’ll continue to write one for her myself: 14572937_10211331684595701_5234886440039336664_n

To my one and only Mama.

I loved you then.

I love you now.

No matter what.

Love always, still your little girl.

11 Comments

Filed under Mother's Day, Mother/Daughter

Tagged as forgiveness, Mama, Mothers Day, Musing, patience, personal, personal growth, Prayer, Relationships

May 6, 2016 · 9:38 PM

Mother’s Day Tribute to the Women in my Family

Becoming a Mom is watching your heart walk outside your body.

As I reflect on Mother’s Day, I am thinking about the mothers in my own family. Some of us had nurturing in our DNA; some never got the memo. Some of us got it down pat; some continue learning by trial and error. None of us is perfect or has it all together. But no matter what, our bloodline flows strong, and our hearts beat true. Children are a blessing. I believe as we look upon our children, young and old, the beating of our hearts never ceases to flutter. Some of us ease into our roles, and some of us, not so much. No one ever gave me a manual on Motherhood; even if they did, the writer most likely didn’t have children of their own. Why? Because we learn by experience, and we learn by trial and error.

One thing my mother always said is worth repeating: You can have ten fathers, but only one mother.

Mothers, stand in the gap for your children. No matter what, never give up on them. And in our twilight years, may our children never give up on us.

15 Comments

Filed under Mothers Day, Tribute to Mothers

Tagged as children, Family, motherhood, Mothers Day, parenting, Puerto Rican pride, Tribute to Mothers

Image

If I Had Known …

If I had known then what I know now,

I would have stopped the clock and savored every precious moment.

Instead, I was encumbered with the daily task of trying to stay afloat as a mother.

If I had known then what I know now,

I would have frozen time just to gaze upon your little chest, rising and falling with every heartbeat while you slept peacefully in your crib.

If I had known then what I know now,

I would have sung more lullabies while rocking you on my lap, nestled in my arms, given you more kisses, and chased away all nightmares.

I’d have tickled you harder, squeezed you tighter, laughed with you louder, and played silly games with you longer.

I would have taken more walks in the park, built many sand castles, eat more ice cream cones with sprinkles, dug for the best sea shells, rode on all the merry-go-rounds, climbed every rock, smelled every flower, played catch more, run through the rain puddles, taken more photos and captured every single moment with you!

I was needed when you were small; you relied upon me then. If only I could now, I would hold you closer still, wipe your every teardrop, chase your every fear, and never let you down.

But the tide has turned, and I can only watch from a distance. The sun has set and is hidden beyond the horizon. My silent tears serve as a constant reminder that times are fleeting, with every hour, every minute, and every second.

My heart swells with pride to see that you, my children, have blossomed and matured.

But if I had known then what I know now … I would have done things so differently. I would have hushed the madness with all the hustle and bustle sooner, cherished those magic moments when you were small, cradled you in my arms forever, and never let you go.