Tag Archives: sorrow

October 22, 2025 · 5:08 AM

The Shadows of my Baby Sister’s Death

I remember first holding you, so tiny in my arms.
Next thing I knew, you turned two, angelic, and quite the charm.
Your silhouette dances in my dreams before my eyes –
Remembering your joy with my simple lullabies.

I imagine your eyes, your voice, your laughter,
Spending time together, nothing else mattered.
I thought about you often before crawling into bed at night.
I loved you deeply and never wanted you out of my sight.

I wish you could tell me what’s on your mind today?
What are the things you’re longing to say?
Would you have married a wonderful husband?
Live in a castle and have many children?

Oh, if only I could see you now. I would run to you. I would hold you and twirl you around!

Oh, sister, there will always be a hole in my heart,
But I guess, somehow I knew that from the start.

If only I had you to talk to, share secrets with, laugh, and cry
I would not be here thinking: Why? Why did you have to die?

Excerpt, Chapter 2 of Running in Heels: A Memoir of Grit and Grace

Soft, velvety cheeks. A round, rosy nose. Dark hair like mine, but curly. Eyes, blue that sparkled like the ocean I’d seen in storybooks. I kissed her sweet-smelling face. Her soft, pudgy hand with tiny fingers curled inside mine. Anna melted my heart. I won’t be alone anymore. I caressed her cheeks and whispered, “I’ll stay by your side for always.”

Soon left with the responsibility of caring for Anna, I became her substitute mother. I loved her and took care of her as best as a seven-year-old could.

8 Comments

Filed under Loss, poetry

Tagged as death, grief, mourn, personal, sister, sorrow

July 24, 2023 · 9:19 PM

Missing my Mama

“Grief, I’ve learned, is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give, but cannot. All that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go.” Jaime Anderson

Missing you, Mama.

Celebrating Mama’s Life. . .

^{Creative Director – Charlie Duggar}
^{featuring artists: Evan Craft, Danny Gokey, Redimi2 – “Be Alright”
Tercer Cielo – “Yo Te Extrañare”
Boyz II Men – “A Song for Mama”
Elvis Presley – “Take My Hand, Precious Lord”
Josh Groban – “You Raise Me Up”
Mercy Me – “I Can Only Imagine”}

I had to say goodbye to Mama.
On Mother’s Day.
The Lord called her home at 3 pm.

In my heart of hearts, I believe she received the best Mother’s Day gift ever. There is no more pain and no more suffering. Now she rejoices with her Savior. She joins all the loved ones who have gone on before her. As Christians, that’s our Blessed Hope! And I will see her again.

It’s true: “We cannot think our way out of grief. We must feel our way out of grief.”

So when I said goodbye to Mama, the sadness of losing her hit me deeply. It snatched my breath away. I felt a pain rip through my chest. This grief is heavy, and if it didn’t come in waves, I’d be consumed. A mother-daughter relationship is complex, and lines of communication can be challenging. We worked on doing better as time went by. And in the end, when she couldn’t speak, she’d gaze upon me, and her loving eyes spoke volumes. She fought the good fight! Her last breath on earth became her first breath in heaven.

So Mama, I want to express again: Thank you for praying for me when words escaped you.

Because of you, I found the strength I never knew I had; I learned to be resilient.

Because of you, I have found that when I can’t, God can! And He has. And He continues to do so.

I want to thank you for giving me life, although the journey was anything but easy.

I’m grateful that because of you, this caterpillar turned into a butterfly. In the strength of the Lord, I learned to spread my wings over circumstances. I spread my wings over difficulties and over the struggles of life.

One thing I know—and have always known—is that you loved me, and I loved you. Just the way you described me, Mama, I will always be your little girl.

Farewell for now.

Your heart still beats. It beats within me.

Love won.

And. You. Were. Loved.

Click here >>> On Borrowed Time <<< Click here
~ My blog on 10/2022 ~