Tag Archives: nostalgia

The Smells and Sounds of Childhood

I was always hungry as a little girl.

Not the kind of hungry a snack fixes. The kind that settles into your bones when you’re small and poor and there’s not much in the refrigerator.

So when I think back to the smells of my childhood, the first one that finds me isn’t café con leche or a pot of arroz con pollo bubbling on a Sunday afternoon. It’s a hot dog. Frying. In the middle of the night.

I couldn’t have been more than five or six years old. I was home alone, which wasn’t unusual back then, and I had fallen asleep, waiting. I heard the door open in the wee hours of the morning. Mama and my stepfather were home from a night out. Still tipsy. Loud in the way grown-ups get home late at night when they think the little ones are asleep.

Half asleep, I called out the only thing on my mind.

Mama. I’m hungry.

She grumbled, surprised that I was still awake. But she went straight to that hotplate and started frying me a hot dog. When my stepfather asked her to make him one too, she put him right in his place.

Hold your horses.

Me first.

In her own imperfect way, she chose me that night. Eyes barely open, I ate that hot dog in bed like it was a feast. Because it was.


But the smells and sounds that shaped me most came later, in a small two-bedroom apartment in sunny Miami, where I lived with my maternal grandparents for three precious years.

At the time, I thought that was just life. I didn’t realize until much later that those three years would become the safest years of my childhood.

I knew I was loved there before I even opened my eyes in the morning. I could hear: the soft clattering of dishes in the kitchen, my grandmother up and moving, already starting the day good before it began. And near the curtain window, the soothing sound of doves cooing somewhere near by. And always, always, the aroma of Spanish coffee.

On the radio, Paul Harvey’s warm, unhurried voice filled the room. And now… the rest of the story. Even the radio felt steady in that house.


My grandfather was a man of few words. Strong, quiet, and deeply loving toward my grandma. He didn’t cook; that was entirely Grandma’s domain, but he showed up in every other way a man can. Every morning, he walked me to school. Every afternoon, he walked me home. No big speeches. No lessons announced. He allowed me to speak, asking how my day went. Just his presence, steady as a heartbeat, beside me on the sidewalk while I chatter along.

He read the Bible every day and the newspaper front to back. And every Sunday on the city bus after church, without fail, he took us to a cafeteria for lunch and then to the Public Library in downtown Miami, where we’d spend hours just wandering among books. Looking back, I think that was his way of showing me the world.


And Grandma.

She cooked three warm meals a day, every single day. I didn’t know until I was older that she wasn’t the best cook. It didn’t matter. To a little girl who had gone to bed hungry more times than she could count, three warm meals a day felt like abundance. Like being rich.

If you didn’t finish your plate, there was no dessert. Simple as that.

But what I remember most about Grandma wasn’t the food. It was the sound of her. She hummed gospel songs through everything, while ironing on the aluminum table on laundry day, at the sewing machine, at her big black typewriter, or crocheting in her rocker. Worship wasn’t just for Sundays with Grandma. She hummed while doing everything … always moving, making something, doing for others, always grateful.


And on Sundays, we dressed in our best.

I didn’t have many dresses. But what I had was always cleaned and pressed. Grandma made sure of that. We walked into church looking like we belonged there, because she believed we did.

The church was our source of strength. Comforting and encouraging in a way that held us together through the week. And I would watch my grandmother in the pew, her eyes glistening with tears she didn’t bother to wipe away. She wasn’t performing. She was just… grateful. Deeply, quietly, overflowingly grateful to God.

I didn’t fully understand it then. But I was watching faith with skin on it. And it was leaving its mark on me.


I was sent back to live with Mama when I was twelve. That chapter is its own story, and not an easy one.

But I still carry the memories with me. The soft sheets between my toes. The cooing of the doves outside my window. The coffee aroma. Paul Harvey’s mellow voice. My grandfather’s footsteps beside mine. And my grandmother’s humming over daily household chores.

Those smells and sounds didn’t just shape my childhood.

They shaped my faith.

What smells and sounds take you back to your own childhood? I’d love to hear your stories in the comments below.

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Filed under Faith Journey, Personal

Once Upon a Time

In the mid-1960s, as a girl with my grandparents, we would ride the Metro bus every Sunday to attend services at First Faith Cathedral. Once church was over, we hopped on another bus to downtown that took us to the Painted Horse, a favorite all-you-can-eat restaurant on Biscayne Boulevard. Adults ate for $0.99 and kids ate for $0.49. I preferred the hamburger steak with macaroni and cheese, and even though they displayed Jell-O in every color to choose from, my favorite: red.

After lunch, we would head for the Miami Public Library, near Bayfront Park. Grandpa would walk on ahead, while I strolled along with Grandma under her umbrella. We’d stop by a large pond filled with giant goldfish and feed them crackers. The park was located next to a waterfront where elegant boats and luxurious yachts sailed by. As I waved to them, I imagined how the rich folk lived.

Once we arrived at the library, I’d take the elevator to the children’s section on the second floor while my grandparents remained reading in the downstairs lobby. I strolled the aisles, running my hands across the binders of the books neatly stacked on shelves. I loved the smell of those books, the textures, the colors, and even the different lettering.

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My imagination ran wild as I’d choose a fairy tale, sit on a nearby stool, and read about magical and faraway places. In my mind, I turned beautiful and clever all in one.

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I pretended to be Cinderella, overjoyed that the glass slipper fit my foot perfectly and that my uncle, the tall Prince Charming, singled me out to dance. I imagined my brother as Hansel and me as Gretel, hunting for food, and then eating chunks of candy broken off the cottage with no evil witch in sight. I pictured myself as Little Red Riding Hood, saving Grandma from the Big Bad Wolf. While reading, I became all those characters and more—until Grandpa called for me, saying, “Mary, time to go home.”

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My real so-called adventures didn’t take me to faraway lands like those in the books I read. My adventures were riding around town on those city buses. If the bus was crowded, we stood while swaying back and forth. Back and forth. Grandpa held onto the straps. Unable to reach them, I held onto the bars instead.

“Mary, hold on tight now,” Grandma cautioned. Grandpa stood nearby, ready to steady Grandma or me if needed. I don’t think he enjoyed riding on the bus much.

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When it was time, I liked to pull the cord to signal the driver to let us off.

“Now, Grandpa?” I asked, not wanting to miss our stop.

“Not yet. Be patient, young lady.”

“How about now?”

“I’ll let you know when it’s time.”

Eventually, the sunny, bright-colored Sable Palms apartment complex came into view.

“Okay, now, young lady,” Grandpa nodded.

I would kneel on the seat and reach for the cord, or sometimes Grandpa hoisted me up. I pulled on the cord fast, once, twice, and sometimes even three times for the bus driver to stop. Then swoosh the rear doors opened, we exited, and then the doors swooshed closed.

Palm tree-lined winding roads, landscaped and shaded the path to my grandparents’ home. Often, coconuts fell from those towering trees, and I’d run to pick one up for us.

I’ll never forget one day when we arrived home, I overheard Grandpa complaining to Grandma about standing too close to so many people.

“¿Tu ves, Ana?” he said, showing her something. “See? They stole my wallet.”

From the hall, I listened.

“Oh, no!” Grandma gasped, staring at his inside-out pocket in disbelief.

“We have to stand so close we are like sardines. Too easy for someone to put his hands in my back pocket, take my wallet out without me knowing.”

It made me sad to think someone would do something bad to my grandpa, stealing from him as if we were rich. Then again, maybe we were.

(An excerpt from Running in Heels: A Memoir of Grit and Grace)

© M.A. Pérez 2018, All Rights Reserved

I loved books then. I love books now. I remember the simple things in life as a child, with a vivid imagination that took me to wonderful, faraway places.

We all have them. What are some of your fond memories as a child?

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Filed under Memoir, nostalgia

If I Had Known …

If I had known then what I know now,

I would have stopped the clock and savored every precious moment.

Instead, I found myself encumbered with the daily task of trying to keep afloat in being a mother.

If I had known then what I know now,
I would have frozen time just to gaze upon your little chest, rising and falling with every heartbeat while you slept peacefully in your crib.

If I had known then what I know now,
I would have sung more lullabies while rocking you on my lap, nestled in my arms, given you more kisses, and chased away all nightmares.

I’d have tickled you harder, squeezed you tighter, laughed with you louder, and played silly games with you longer.

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I would have taken more walks in the park, built many sand castles, eat more ice cream cones with sprinkles, dug for the best sea shells, rode on all the merry-go-rounds, climbed every rock, smelled every flower, played catch more, run through the rain puddles, taken more photos and captured every single moment with you!

I was needed when you were small; you relied upon me then. If only I could now, I would hold you closer still, wipe your every teardrop, chase your every fear, and never let you down.

But the tide has turned, and I could only watch from a distance. The sun has set and is hidden beyond the horizon. My silent tears serve as a constant reminder that times are fleeting.
With every hour. Every minute. Every second.

My heart swells with pride to see that you, my children,
have blossomed and matured.

But if I had known then what I know now … I would have done things differently. I would have hushed the madness with all the hustle and bustle sooner, and cherished those magic moments when you were small, to cradle you in my arms forever and never let you go.

© M.A. Perez, All Rights Reserved

About "Running in Heels: A Memoir of Grit & Grace"

 

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Filed under Featured, poetry

Circle of Life

Once upon a time, there lived a lonely girl. Intimately acquainted with an empty stomach, she carried hunger in her heart, starving for love.

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Despite her destitute and inner turmoil, she grew up and broke away, searching for love. Eventually, she’d marry and have a family of her own, never dreaming of how they’d fill the void in her heart.

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In the circle of life, her little ones grew to have little ones of their own.

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She felt young at heart again and couldn’t imagine life without them.

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And the not-so-little girl wasn’t lonely anymore.

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The end.

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Filed under Life, musing