So, I’m reading Beth Moore’s, So Long, Insecurity. I’m not even past chapter four yet and find myself re-reading and digesting the words on the pages. She states in her book that we all have insecurities and most have enough insecurity to hinder. As I reflect on whether I’ve felt insecure before, I’m sad to admit that I am well acquainted with insecurity.
Beth Moore ties insecurity to a profound sense of self-doubt. Ouch! But I think I knew this already. How many times have I determined to do something but then reneged on my decision? How often have I started a task only to lack the courage to move forward? My palms get clammy. My confidence deflates. My resolve wavers. My bravado crumbles. I bet I’m not the only one who struggles with this.
I’m a common woman sharing common problems seeking common solutions on a journey with an uncommon Savior.
The word rejection is also mentioned in the book and that brings me to ask: Well, who in the world likes to be rejected? To the point where I sometimes think, if you reject me, I’ll go out of my way to prove you wrong—sometimes—in spite of my own hurt, creating my own misery. I can honestly say, I know my own flaws, or at least I’d like to think so. But the astonishing thing for me is reading what an insecure woman looks like:
She may easily cry, avoid the spotlight, and have a strong desire to make amends whether it’s her fault or not. If someone gets angry at her, she has a difficult time not to think or to dwell about it. The insecure woman sometimes feels anxious for no apparent reason; her feelings get hurt when she learns someone doesn’t like her, and she may even fear that her husband might leave her for another.
Talk about a lack of self-worth!
Well, I asked my husband what insecurities did he see in me? (Because after all, I know I have some.) And this is what he answered: The big one is you not being in control. Not having a say so about something, and having a tendency to micro-manage. He said this goes back to my early years when others told me what to do and when to do it. What an eye opener! While this was true during my childhood, it was certainly the same in my first marriage.
Before I became a Christian I struggled with insecurities, and now as a Christian I still struggle at times. I learned a long time ago I’m not perfect, but I’m forgiven. I’ve opened myself up in sharing some of these truths with you because I know they are life’s lessons. I’m still learning and if there’s a pulse and breath in your being then you are still learning, too. No one on this earth is perfect or has arrived. I’ve determined to work on my insecurities.
How about you?
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