Mama lives alone. She enjoys a contented life. She loves playing Bingo and the group outings on the Metro-Lift with Charles, her traveling companion. They attend church together. Mama has a provider who cleans, cooks, and provides assistance. I have reached a point where I can let go and allow her to live her own life. While Mama has learned not to rely upon me as heavily as before, she knows I will be there whenever needed.
This past week, we celebrated Mama’s 79th birthday at an Italian restaurant. She doesn’t like her pictures taken and has always been shy in front of the camera. Rest assured, she enjoyed her day, having no problem dining out and opening gifts.
Initially, when I shared with Mama that I was writing my memoirs, she laughed and squealed, “Mary, what kind of book is that going to be?”
I chuckled, answering, “Stranger than fiction, of course.”
Later, with a more serious tone, Mama asked, “So, you’re going to blame me for everything that has happened?”
While our relationship and communication continue to require work, I assured her that I don’t blame her for all the bad.
Let me be clear: I do not hate Mama. I NEVER hated Mama. I hated her behavior. I resented everything and everyone that took her away from me as a child! Though my mind may still remember the neglect, I realize that nothing I did or did not do could have changed her then. Or now. I can only change myself and aim to become better.
Several years ago, someone recommended Irregular People, by Joyce Landorf, which helped me tremendously. Nearly everyone has a difficult or “irregular” person in his or her life. They can be emotionally tone-deaf and not really hear you. They may be emotionally blind and not see you. They may even have a speech impediment and struggle to express themselves adequately to you. You cannot please that person; you cannot change them, no matter how much you wish to.
I can be at peace and know that the way Mama—or anyone else—chooses to live their lives isn’t a reflection of me.
Yes, writing is therapeutic, but if I can show just one person that they are not alone in their struggles, then I have done something good. Through it all, one can have purpose and meaning and overcome.
In the dynamic of things, I felt Mama did her best.
As we all try to do.
© M.A. Perez 2013, All Rights Reserved
From Heart to Heritage
Reflections From the Heart 