I Cry

I originally wrote “I Cry” in June 2020, during a season of tremendous uncertainty and upheaval in our nation and our world. Six years later, I reread these words and realize that, although circumstances have changed, the heart behind them has not. I still believe we need humility, respect, compassion, peace, and, above all, God’s presence in our lives. So I decided to leave this reflection nearly as I wrote it then, because it captures what was on my heart at that particular moment.

Usually, tears bring me to write. Something that touches my very core. Something that moves me. Something that triggers passion, or emotion – a memory, a thought, an image, or a prayer.

Lately, I’ve been silent. Silent in writing. My drive for writing once ignited with words and expression within the depth of my soul. It had to be released by putting pen to paper, fingers to keyboard, but now nebulous and dim from what it once was.

I admit that year brought shock, uncertainties, and even dread. My tears flow. Lord, what has happened? God, what is happening?

America: the land of the free and brave! Are you still among us?

I sang “America the Beautiful” as a child:

America! America! God shed his grace on thee,
And crown thy good with brotherhood
From sea to shining sea.

I also remember belting out “This Land Is Your Land” with my classmates, proud to belong to a country big enough for everyone. And who can forget standing in school together singing “Let There Be Peace,” believing peace could begin with each of us?

Lord, I can’t speak for others. No one can walk in my shoes. I certainly cannot walk in their shoes, nor would I want to. We all have our own crosses to bear. But please lift this burden from us and lighten the load, I pray. You are a God who is able. But even if You choose not to make the pathway easier, or the roads brighter, then help us as individuals and help us as a nation to allow ourselves to put God back at the center of our lives, at home and abroad, and within our own families.

I chose You, Lord. Whether I understand things or not, whatever tomorrow may bring, I know that I need You more now than before, and that has not changed. Your Word says there is a season for everything under the sun. Although I am not liking the season we are in right now, I know that You’re not a God of confusion but of peace, for You are merciful and Your love is never-ending.

Humility, respect, patience, and compassion are places where we can begin. Heal us, oh, Lord. We are sick; we need a healer. Please heal our hearts. Please heal our land.

“It is the LORD who goes before you.
He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you.
Do not fear or be dismayed.” Deuteronomy 31:8

Six years later, I am still praying this prayer. Some of the uncertainty has changed shape, but the need for humility, for peace, for God at the center, that hasn’t changed at all. I don’t have a tidy ending to offer. I only have this: He is still faithful. He still goes before us. And so I keep choosing Him, one day, one prayer at a time, for myself, my family, and my country.

Whatever this season has meant for you, hope or heaviness or both, the prayer is the same. If you’re praying it too, dear reader, you’re not alone.