Monthly Archives: October 2024

Daggers in the Heart

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Loneliness ate away at me. Insecurities consumed my mind. He came home whenever he wanted to. He expected me to ask zero questions. The more I clung to him, the more he shrugged me off like a neglected child.

On one dreary evening, in the foyer of our second-story apartment, I leaned on the window wall, glaring down at him sauntering out to another conquest. I felt like my heart had split in two.

He paused, turned, and glanced up at me, with that smirk of his. Like a proverbial slow twist of a knife lodged in me, his ominous grin cut and curdled my blood. His haughty expression loomed before my eyes, blinding me. My insides burned.

I flung my fist at him as if to punch him in the face–

Glass! Shattered into a million pieces.

A glistening shard of windowpane sliced across the tender flesh of my forearm, smearing crimson blood across my skin. My clutched fist of course never reached him and had only gone clear through the window.

He raced up the stairs and wrapped a towel around my wound, berating me for being a harebrained fool. But I didn’t balk. Even though he must have been more concerned with his own interest than in taking me to the emergency room for stitches, at least he stayed home that night.

Excerpt from Chapter 23 “Running in Heels: A Memoir of Grit and Grace”

TRANSLATION

La soledad me consumía. Las inseguridades agobiaban mi mente. Donny volvía a casa cuando quería. Él esperaba que yo no hiciera preguntas. Cuanto más me aferraba a él, más me ignoraba como si fuera una niña abandonada.

​Una noche, parada en la ventana de la entrada de nuestro apartamento de dos pisos, observé a Donny irse tranquilamente. Sentí que mi corazón se había partido en dos.

​Él se detuvo por un momento, se giró y me miró con esa sonrisa suya de satisfacción. Su siniestra sonrisa detuvo y me heló la sangre, como si él hubiese girado lentamente un cuchillo enterrado en mí. Veía su expresión altiva, y me quemaba las entrañas.

​Pegué con el puño para darle en la cara.

¡Vidrio!

​El vidrio de la ventana se destrozó en un millón de pedazos.

​Un brillante fragmento del cristal de la ventana cortó la tierna carne de mi antebrazo, manchando mi piel con sangre carmesí. Mi puño solo había atravesado la ventana.

​Donny subió corriendo las escaleras y envolvió mi herida con una toalla mientras me reprendía por hacer una tontería descabellada. No me resistí. Aunque debió estar más preocupado por el interés que tenía en irse que en llevarme a la sala de emergencias para que me tomaran puntos de sutura, al menos se quedó en casa esa noche.

Extracto de capítulo 23 “Running In Heels: A Memoir of Grit and Grace” https://a.co/d/el1zxRM

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Happy Birthday, Mama! 10/10/34 – 5/14/23

Dear Mama,

I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday in heaven today. I hope you know you are sorely missed. It’s no secret we’ve been through some hard times together. Although you weren’t the perfect mother, I wasn’t the perfect daughter. Perhaps, we were perfect for each other. I pretty much miss everything about you. Never thought I’d say, even your bickering over something or about someone. I miss buying you trinkets, pretty blouses, and taking you to a nice restaurant. It was good to help you forget problems and enjoy your special day. Making you smile meant everything to me. In the end, it hurt to let you go, but seeing you suffer in pain was worse. I asked the Lord that you’d still be around on Mother’s Day. And God called you home in time; it was on Mother’s Day at 3 pm. You are totally healed now. You have no more pain. There is no discomfort or worry. You are with your Savior and loved ones who have gone on before you. Send them all my love.

Sending you kisses and all my love, Mama.

Always your Little Girl.

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