My Sister, If Only …

I remember first holding you, so tiny in my arms.
Next thing I knew, you turned two, angelic, and quite a charm.
Your silhouette dancing in my dreams before my eyes –
Remembering your joy with my simple lullabies.

I imagine your eyes, your voice, your laughter,
Spending time together, nothing else mattered.
Thinking about you often before crawling into bed at night,
I loved you so much, never wanting you out of my sight.

I wish you could tell me what’s on your mind today?
What are the things you’re longing to say?
Would you have married a wonderful husband?
Live in a castle and have many children?

Oh, if only, if only, I could see you now,
I would run to you, hold you, and twirl you around!

Oh, sister, there will always be a hole in my heart,
But I guess I knew that from the start.
If I still had you now to talk, share secrets, laugh, and cry
I would not be here now thinking: Why did you have to die?

Photo Credit: LuLu Taylor via Compfight cc

Photo Credit: LuLu Taylor via Compfight cc


© M.A. Pérez 2014, All Rights Reserved

In memory of my sister whose birthday is around the corner. She would have been ten years older than my first born! I had to say goodbye to her when I was nine, a month after she turned two years old. I remember so much pain and suffering back then, looking back, I believe God spared her from something worse. I look forward to the Blessed Hope that one day we will embrace one another again. She will not come to me but I will go to her. And we will NEVER have to be apart.

To read more about my sister from last year’s post, click here . . .


Filed under Loss, Personal, poetry

11 responses to “My Sister, If Only …

  1. Mary so heartbreaking, all the pain you have carried with you through life. She would be your angel and guides you from afar. A beautiful tribute for her birthday.

  2. Mary, you may find this hard to understand but please be assured it was not God who cut your Anna’s life short but He knew her time on earth would be.

    I have lost 7 babies, 3 still Born girls and the rest at almost 5mths gestation, my first one was because of an Abortion, I was a very young frightened girl with no one to turn to , it was not God’s my baby was Aborted, evil, sin, sickness, suffering and death are never God’s will, all good things come from Him, He is Love and can do no evil ,even to bring good out of it but He works everything for good even evil.

    You will be united with Anna in Heaven Mary and I will be with my babies , this is something God promises us and they have only known Joy up there and Anna has no memory of what she suffered on earth and nor will we.

    How can I be so sure God did not end Anna’s Life to save her from suffering because He would have ended mine and many other babies and children’ (see link below) if God was to stop all evil now He would have to put an end to the World but He is Patient given His Children time to repent, it is not His will anyone perishes, which means to be Eternally separated from Him, it’s their choice.

    Childhood –

    I will be praying Mary for your healing and if you want to share in private with me, if you edit my comment you will find my e-mail address.

    Christian Love from us both – Anne.

    • Hi Anne,

      I appreciate you visiting, reading and commenting on my latest post. By the way, I re-read your own story about little girl lost and it certainty is heart-wrenching!

      Anne, I don’t want you to think that I “blame” God for my sister’s death! Our God is Sovereign and I believe that He allows certain things to happen to us for His greater plan and purpose. (Isa. 57: 1). After all, His ways are higher than our ways. Now, I’m not by any means a theologian or a preacher or Bible teacher. I’m just a layman with a finite mind trying to serve an Infinite God. I know that it rains on the just and unjust (Matt. 5:45); bad things do happen to good people. And if I am to be honest, I don’t always understand the mind of God. Howbeit, I purpose in my heart to trust Him! But if I am to be truthful, my heart does have a few unanswered questions. On occasions I do have meltdowns, wallow in self-pity, doubts and fears. However, because of His steadfast love for me and His unfathomable mercy, I thank God that I don’t remain in that state of mind! \o/ \o/ \o/

      Thank you for your concerns and for taking the time to share with me. Know that the Lord has indeed healed my heart – I am complete in Him! Maybe not in performance but at least in position 🙂


      Mary Ann

  3. sUSIE

    It is hard to lose someone you love, but knowing that they will be greeting you when you enter heaven is a comforting thought!

  4. Ruben Perez

    Memories I’ll cherish for ever!!!

  5. This is good. I know how it feels to lose a sister. My sister passed a few days before Christmas in 2002, “to have Christmas with PawPaw,” her husband who passed five years earlier. I miss her every day.

  6. So sweet! I’m so sorry for your loss. Blessings, Natalie 🙂

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